For a visual, here is a picture of the boat from last summer. Notice Steve's facial hair? This was because he was on FMLA since CC was just born...remember my post about facial hair?
As long as I have known Steve, I have known about "Lake Erie Weekend" (LEW). Steve and his buddies get together for a weekend on the boat to talk, drink, play at Put-in-Bay, and catch up since everyone lives in different cities and even states.
When Ben was just a couple of weeks old, Steve still went. When CC was just a couple of weeks old, Steve still went. This past weekend was LEW, and it also happened to be my 32nd birthday. In the past I have been very accommodating to this LEW, as I just implied. Steve asks for one weekend a year to go away, and I have to respect that. Right?
When Steve planned this year's LEW, I was made aware of the weekend after the plans were already in motion. There was no going back. Truthfully, it stung at first mostly because it was over my birthday weekend. The sting didn't hurt so badly as the weeks went on, mainly because we had so much going on with moving. Since my family knew what was going on, we made plans to go to an indoor water park, so we were going to do our own thing.
On Friday afternoon, Ben, CC and I loaded into the car, picked up my aunt and then headed down to my sister's house. On Saturday we headed to the water park, and had a fabulous time. It really was great! Ben was not afraid of anything, and just had a wonderful time. We got home, ate take out, and had some delicious birthday cake - complete with 32 candles. Boy did that light up the room! Overall, it was a great way to spend my birthday.
At one point at the water park, my sister, nephew, Ben and I were sitting in the hot tub to warm up. I looked over at my sister and said "you know, I was getting over this whole LEW thing, but now I am upset again. We are having a great time and Steve is missing it. This is just one more thing that Steve is missing from our lives."
So, here is the conundrum: Steve is already gone a lot with work, so how is he able to leave us again, willingly, for his fun. However, this is one weekend a year he always does, so I have to give him that. Right?
How do I handle this? How do I get over Steve being gone again, when this one weekend a year is all he asks? How do I tell Ben that Daddy is gone again because he is at the lake for fun? When Ben says "I want to go to the lake, too" how do I answer that? How can I balance this?
I am asking all the questions because I really don't know. I really don't know how to handle this. I am upset about this weekend, but I don't really want to be.
I know some people are probably thrilled when their spouse is away. You can watch whatever tv you want, you have an entire bed to yourself, you can eat cereal for dinner if you want. But, things are different when you are married to a pilot. Having your pilot home is cherished time, mostly. Having your pilot away from home is dreaded, mostly. It isn't fair that Steve goes away again, and leaves me home with the kids again. Is it?
Oh, the life of a pilot's wife!
This is tough a one because I hear you in that they miss so much from the lives of our children an ours. I also know that sometimes we all need a little fun. I always think that when my husband is away he has down time alone time ect. The truth is he is at work so I need to remind myself that he does deserve the poker night with the guys when he is home or that few hrs at a tattoo parlor getting a new tattoo. I relate those times to our son in terms he understands for example daddy needs a little adult time just like you want to play with your friends daddy and mommy want to play with their friends too. When asked if he can play too I tell him that it would be boring for him and that those are daddy's friends. It seems to go over well. I do think that it hurt you more this year because it was on your birthday and those special days (and by special i don't mean just birthdays I also mean holidays, anniversary and so on)are just harder because we spend so many apart by force that the choice to be away from you stung. I suggest that you tell him that it did upset you and maybe he will make it up to you somehow. Be honest if you try to cover it up it will fester and he does not know. Then move on so that you are not holding a grudge. I wish you luck. This is tough you are justified in your feelings.
ReplyDeleteyes, he does need guy time, and that is why I struggle with this so much. I know he needs it, but I want him too. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteOh, we are working on it...it will take time to get through. But we will get through this...until next year (haha).
John went on a guys (mostly other pilots) camping trip over our first anniversary. Needless to say that was almost our last too! I was sooooo ticked, mostly because he said I could go, then changed his mind, then went to a bunch of places I had never (still haven't) been too. It sucks I'm sorry, I don't have any words of advice other than know that your not alone in feeling like this!
ReplyDeleteI struggle with this, too. It's reasonable for them to have guy time, but it sucks when it's an inconvenient time for you and when you don't have a say in it.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if they could (should?) bid their time with us, too, just like they do with work? Or perhaps we would submit a request to them, like they request vacation weeks off each year. And it should be "no questions asked," where we don't have to justify why we want them to take off a certain day (and I mean taking it off from work AND not making other plans with the guys or for home improvement or whatever).
I don't have any tested solutions, so I'll check back on these comments to see the other good ideas come in.
I am glad that you gals can relate. I was getting a little heat from some friends the other day and it got me thinking "am I in the wrong here?"
ReplyDeleteThey didn't think it was such a big deal...they think it is good to get guy time. And, I am all about guy time. Every Saturday in the fall is reserved for football, and I am okay with that. Steve used to play basketball every Wednesday night...I am down with that, and wishes he would pick it back up. When he was training for marathons/half marathons I was fine with him being gone for 4 hours for his long runs - weekend after weekend.
The BIG difference is that those are just a couple hours here and there, and this LEW was 2 nights.
Plus, I don't think anyone can relate unless they have a spouse that travels all.the.time. They may think they can relate, but it just isn't the same. Once your husband travels so much that you wish he wouldn't, then we are on the same page.
Courtney - I like the bid time :) I would bid that he is off for every birthday in the house, and our anniversary. (but of course that would never happen)
Christy - yikes on the anniversary trip! Has he been making up for that for months?