Daddy...Daddy, come back!

the cheap pilot and his wife, the tempation, the kids and Babcia...over the ocean, and through the woods, to Poland we go!

2012-02-13T10:26:00.001-05:00

I have made it known that I was born to Polish immigrants. I have been to Poland multiple times. Steve's favorite trip ever, as a matter of fact, was to Poland. Ben, and when CC is of age, attend Polish class. I value my connection to Poland, and I am bound and determined to keep this heritage alive in my family.

We are taking the kids to Poland for the first time this fall. My mother is traveling with us, and my father will already be there since he is in Poland for about 6 weeks every fall.

Of course we want to take advantage of FREE tickets to Europe. Who wouldn't? Especially, when you are cheap, your pilot husband is cheap, and tickets are about $1k a piece (give or take). The temptation is totally there to save $4k, no question.

We are starting to plan the trip, because it WILL take this long to get all the logistics down.  Oh, did I mention that the main reason for this trip is to celebrate 10 years post Peace Corps, and we are going to visit a dear friend from Slovakia.  We will be there for 2 weeks.  There is a lot of traveling to be done, Poland is a big country!, lots of people to see,  so two weeks is quickly eaten up...exact planning is a must!

We go back and forth all the time:
- maybe we should just bite the bullet and fork over the $4k. The kids are still so young, so this may be a good idea so we just get where we are going without any hassle. We have a lifetime to non-rev, so maybe it is just best to buy tickets this one time.
- but, $4k is a lot of money!
- since there are 5 of us, we need to look at what equipment is flying the route. A wide-body surely fits more bodies than a, say, 757.
- do we take a train, a plane, or an automobile once we land in Germany? Or should we land in England? Wait, what about Amsterdam?

What to do? What to do?

Have I mentioned that the kids will be young: 5 and 3.  I am curious as to how they will handle the journey. Everyone says they will handle it just fine. But, then I start to worry about me.  Last time we went to Poland, we flew CLE to London Gatwick. We then took Polish Lot/Central Wings into Krakow. Then we took a 2 hour train ride to my Dad's family. I slept pretty much the entire second leg, and again in the train.  I don't handle the sleep thing well, and that concerns me. But, I am sure the kids will keep me awake and going.

What to do? What to do?

And then I start to think about this train travel from German into Poland...that means our luggage has to be light.  We have a rucksack, and I think this is the way we will go. Luggage on your back is so much easier than pulling it. Oh shit, and then we have car booster seats...

What to do? What to do?

Don't forget that I am married to a pilot, y'all. Because of this, he sometimes puts on his handsome pilot hat and thinks about all the real situations that may come up. Like the fact that a 757 may be weight restricted on this route...of course gas is quite important, so you need to make sure there is enough. Conversations aren't as simple as "oh a 757 has 182 seats - great!" Conversations are more like "well, based on the winds, they could weight restrict the flight."  You heard that right, "based on winds"...something that isn't a given.  One day the winds would be good for us, and the other day not...and the great thing is that you wouldn't know if we are weight restricted until we are waiting at the gate, ready to go.  Great! So, the flight could look way open, but if there are restrictions we are a "no go." Fun times. And to the, with all due respect, ignorant folks who say "oh you must fly for free...how awesome!" I say, "yeah, not to awesome."

What to do, what to do?

So, Babcia qualifies for a special buddy pass which means her ticket is $300 plus taxes.  Just a reminder: Steve, the kids and I are free. Ok, so if we DO buy airline tickets for travel in Europe, instead of train tickets,  that just adds to Babcia's cost. So, a $300, plus taxes, buddy pass + $300 ticket on Lufthansa = $600, give or take. Why not just spend an extra $300 and get an actual seat on a plane? Belive me, that $300 extra is SO worth it for not worrying. Oh, DON'T FORGET! --- we may not even make it out of the states when we want with non-reving, so if we do buy tickets on Lufthansa we need to make sure their cancellation/reservation change policy works in our favor.

See all the thoughts that run through your head with non-reving?

I will not get stressed. We will plan this all out very well. Babcia knows what she is getting into, and she is okay with it all. She and I actually travel really well together, so that helps. She has never non-reved before, so ignorance is bliss. While Steve deals with all things plane, she and I will just be along for the ride.

Of course with non-reving you have to have Plan A, Plan B, and even Plan C.  We are also watching tickets, plan D. If they get to be $600-$800 we will probably just buy. We will watch ticket prices from our airport, as well as multiple others in the states, since we can non-rev there and then be revenue the rest of the way.

Any suggestions or tips would be greatly appreciated. Since this trip will really be great, all the hassle and planning will be all worth it!

favorite pics from our last trip to Poland:

Wroclaw

Zywiec on a train to Krakow. I will not comment on how much beer we drank that evening, or how hungover I was the next day...

Enjoying a beer after visiting the salt mines

Near Wroclaw, at the tabletop mountains, with my cousins

My birthday cake

what gal doesn't like flowers on her birthday

Bad Mom

2012-02-08T09:07:00.000-05:00

The other night I shut the door to CC's room after saying our goodnights, and thought to myself 'bad mom.'

Steve was on a trip, so I was a single mom. These are the moments that you hate being a pilot wife. There was no bailing out that night. No opportunities for me to say "Steve, I am about to lose it...engage!" It was all me.

I love CC more than anything. Of course! In her short 2 1/2 years I can already tell that she is very spirited. She laughs a lot, and laughs hard. I know this girl is going to live life to the fullest and truly love life.

She is also very stubborn and independent. I will learn to love these traits as she gets older and be so proud of her tenacity and Independence, but right now these traits can eat at me. Like, the other night. I won't go into full details of the night, but let's just say that she is currently testing me and trying to push her boundaries. I am trying my hardest to keep her IN her boundaries, which is not an easy job. I truly understand that groundwork needs to be laid now for good behavior, so I will be persistent with this. It is just so hard sometimes.

That night she didn't get books before bed, and our 'goodnight' were rather quick since she was crying and trying to get out of bed. To boot, as I was tucking her under the covers she was crying saying "I want Daddy." Breaks my heart. I shut the door and thought to myself that I could have done such a better job. Bad mom. I did kiss her and hug her and told her I loved her before I left, so I felt good in that respect. But, I didn't have to be so abrupt and short with her while we were preparing for bedtime.

There are times when you can't be supermom, and that is okay...especially when the father of your children is a pilot. I have blogged about this before and I will say it again: when your pilot is gone and you are flying solo, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

Case in point, the other night we had ramen noodles for dinner. Was it the best choice nutritionally? Heavens, no! But, I chose my battles. I was going to make something more nutritious, but Ben got it in his head that he wanted ramen noodles and I didn't want a fight. I chose not to fight that battle, at least not last night when I was flying solo. When flying solo you chose what battle you want to fight, because we can't fight them all.

After both kids were down the other night, I went into the family room and got onto my iPad. I got onto blogger, and what post did I see, but this: another pilot wife who is going through the exact same thing as me! What a relief! I am not alone in this. Pilot wives live parallel lives, no question. It is reassuring we are in this thing together. Being a pilot wife and having little ones isn't always an easy job. Stay persistent and keep strong when the going gets rough. We all have bad days, and that is okay...because tomorrow is a chance to start again...or maybe tomorrow is day 4 of a trip and your pilot gets home and you can unload on him and go get some retail therapy...

I am glad when he is gone

2012-02-01T14:20:00.000-05:00

I am glad when Steve is gone...because it makes the homecoming that much more sweet.

As we all know, airline pilots bid their vacation schedules well in advance. For Steve, he bid his 2012 vacations in October 2011. Because one is not always able to plan that far in advance, Steve threw a couple weeks into his vacation bid for grins. He got the week of January 22, so just last week. I wasn't able to get that week of work, so Steve was home for the entirety of his vacation.

Due to his vacation in January, his schedule was a bit off and he also got a big block of time off at the beginning of the month. All this time off means that Steve was home a lot, he only had two 4-day trips. I sure did like having him home: a warm body to sleep next to, him doing daycare drop off, a family dinner every night, a helper to take the trash to the curb. I could go on...

But, I have to say that with him being home so much, things sort of got commonplace. He was around. Yes, it was nice, but there wasn't much excitement. Things were just rolling along, same old same old, just even keel. I am not complaining, I am just sayin'.

One thing that adds excitement is the anticipation of your pilot coming home from work. Steve gets home today from a 4-day. I feel like a giddy teenager waiting for a boy to call. Excitement is in the air with anticipation of his arrival. I am tracking his flight in, and I will be sure to tune into ATC to see if I can hear him on the radios.

Now, one catch: I hope I am not playing things up so much in my mind that when he does get home I am let down. You pilot wives knows how it can go, with late nights and early shows a pilot can be a cranky-ass when they get home. They may be in a mood that you just want to smack out of them. That is always a risk, but I like feeling this anticipation so I will keep with it.

The weather here is beautiful today. I have dinner already assembled, so I just need to pop it in the oven and make a salad. The house is clean. The kids will probably be in a good mood due to the nice weather. Again, I am painting this picture...let's hope it is actually painted this way.

I have said it before, and I will say it again: absence makes the heart grow fonder. I missed Steve a lot this last trip. Due to wonky flight times and multiple time zones, we didn't really talk all that much so we have a bit to catch up on. Since he was home so much in January, I really did get used to him being around, which made this trip harder on me.

With the bad comes the good. Sure, it stinks that Steve is gone a lot with his job. But, boy can the homecomings be nice, which makes up for everything! As much as a relationship can be strained due to distance, the distance can also make the relationship better - more exciting. It probably isn't often that a marriage has these butterfly in your stomach feelings, but you surely do get them when you are married to a pilot.

11 Things

2012-01-25T14:23:00.000-05:00

11 things

Is this the blog equivalent of a chain letter? Does anyone remember those? Anyways, this has been floating around the blog world for a couple days and I was tagged and who am I to break the chain? Thank you, Amber from Gym Class Dropout for the tag! These things amuse me so here it goes!

The Rules:

Post these rules

You must post 11 random things about yourself
Answer the questions set for you in their post
Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer
Go to their blog and tell them you've tagged them

Eleven Random Things about me:

1.  I have pointy ears, sort of. My nephew has the same.
2. I have OCD when it comes to setting the alarm clock. I check it about 10 times before I settle down that the alarm is, in fact, set to wake me up in the morning.
3. I birthed CC within 24 minutes after arriving at the hospital. No drugs, obviously, and it fucking hurt like hell. But, the pain was over the instant she was out...the most amazing thing! Steve almost passed out. Hell, I almost passed out, but only after I was screaming "it hurts. help me."
4. I almost drowned when at the waterpark with my girl scout troop when I was a kid. I was in the tide pool and they had to stop the waves and everything. I am embarrassed, but I lived.
5.  In turn, I have rescued 3 kids from downing...I was once a lifeguard.
6. I believe everyone should work retail at some point in their life, to know what it is like to be on the other side. I also believe that everyone should live alone at some point in their life, so that you can listen to the voices in your head.
7. Speaking of voices, when I was a kid I had an encounter with a voice in the basement at a friend's house. As we were talking down into the basement, my friend said "is anyone down here?" And a voice said "Yes." We were scared shitless! We ran back upstairs crying. Her dad even went into the basement with a gun to check to see if anyone was down there, since our response was that real.
8. Anytime I see a white butterfly I think of my grandmother, who passed away in 2003.
9. I constantly tell Steve that if I die, I want him to remarry so our kids have a mother. He is reluctant since he doesn't know who would greet him in heaven, me or his second wife.
10.  I am a very visual person. I love art. I love watching people. I have a crazy photographic memory...hell, I still remember exactly what Steve wore on our first date 14 years ago!
11. Speaking of our first date, I will also remember the feeling I had with Steve on our first date. Mine you, we met it a bar, so aside from an hour or two on the phone I didn't really know him well at all. I don't remember exactly what we talked about or exaclty what we did, but I remember how he made me feel...he felt like home.

Amber's Questions for Me:

If you could have dinner with any one person (dead or alive), who would it be?
Hands down, my grandmother. I would give anything to spend more time with her and ask her the things I never did.

What/who is your favorite band/musician?
My go-to is Dave Matthew's Band.

What is your favorite thing about being a "grown up?"
The control I have over my life.

What is your least favorite thing about being a "grown up?"
So far, nothing. Life is good. Now, I do fear disease as I grow older, but I try to fight that off now with proper nutrition.

Describe your best friend(s).
Steve is my best friend, first and foremost. And I think that if you read this blog, you already have a sense of who he is. As for others, I have best friends in different ways. My sisters, my aunt, and my mom...of course! All are women I can talk to about anything, even bitch about anything, and will always love me. And then I have my college best friends, and my Peace Corps best friends. These are people with whom I have been through so much with, that our bond will always be strong. And then my margarita night best friends, who I just love and adore.

Early bird or night owl?
early bird, no question.

Do you have a secret talent or just a talent that is unique?
No. Nothing secret about me. And no, I am really not talented at anything specifically.

What is your favorite holiday?
Probably Christmas. The traditions, the music, the time of the year, the lights, the smells...

Have any tattoos?
Yup, 1 so far. A purple star on my foot. I got it in Prague when I was a PCV. Steve and I talk about getting a matching tattoo, something with the kids initials or something like this.

Why did you start blogging?
I started blogging as an outlet really. If you know me in real life, I am a talker and a story teller. This lets me "talk" more and tell more stories.

What is your favorite meal?
I have a couple:
- Brennan's in New Orleans. When each course was offered, the entire table was silent...it was that good!
- Don and Charlie's in Scottsdale. Steve and I took a weekend trip there a couple years back, and everything about that weekend was awesome, including this dinner. The best dirty martini ever, and the best creme brulee ever!
Now, I know I should pass this along to 11 people...but, I am being lazy right now, and just don't want to :)

rules for my pilot

2012-01-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

When Steve is on a trip, there are no rules. No "you must call me after every landing." No "you are not allowed to go out with your crew." No "you are not allowed to eat dinner with another woman." Granted, Steve and I have been together for 13 years...holy shit, no, it will be 14 years in March - wow!...so our relationship is most definitely on cruise control now, and things just work. I take that back, yes we are on cruise control and things work, but we do want to/have to work at it. This means dates, trips away, alone time, making sure love tanks are full, ect. If memory serves me right, I don't think I ever put rules on him.

There was some recent talk on one of the web boards I visit about the rules that girlfriends and wives put on their pilot. Frankly, I just don't get it.

I work outside of the house. I travel sometimes for work. If I put a rule on Steve, like no eating dinner with another woman, he would have to put the same rule on me. I have had dinner with men while traveling. Nothing happened, plain and simple. I am being totally honest when I say that I would rather have Steve go out to dinner with a woman than stay solo in his hotel room.

Dinner is dinner, food is food. Hell, even drinks are drinks. I have been at work functions where cocktail hour turns into many hours, and one drink turns into many. Nothing happens, plain and simple. I know that Steve has nights were he is out and happy hour turns into many hours, and one drink turns into many. Nothing happens, plain and simple. He doesn't worry about me. I don't worry about him.

I trust Steve and he trusts me. I am secure in what we have. I trust that Steve isn't screwing around with other women, and he trusts that I am not having an affair with the Orkin man. I have mentioned this before, and I will say it again, trust has never been an issue with us. Trust is something that just comes to us. Steve was burned pretty badly from a previous relationship, as was I. So, when we got together, we knew trust was important and it was a must. I have never broken his trust, and he has never broken mine, so keeping trust is easy for us.

*****
At a work conference a couple years ago, John was sharing a story about an "incident" in the elevator. John and I had been at this same conference for a number of years, so we were friendly. Let me paint a picture of John: married, two girls in high school, mid-40s, attractive, about 5'10", medium build, always dressed nicely, thick black hair that is slicked back, just an all-around fun guy to be around...he is the type of guy you want to be around.  He is rather heavy on the cologne. Now, I don't mind the cologne since I just love cologne on a man, but he may be a bit too heavy. This story John was sharing was about the same conference, but a couple years prior. He was escorting Julie back to her room after a night out with a large group of people. Now, John really was just out having fun with the group and not looking for anything. Again, he is the type of guy you want to be around, so I could see how one would be magnetized towards him...and boy, was Julie magnetized to him! John is a gentleman and escorted Julie back to her room since she drank too much, and he really just wanted to make sure she got back to her room safely.

While they were in the elevator, Julie basically threw herself on John. He, of course, restrained himself. They arrived at Julie's floor, he took her back to her room, and then he went back to his.

The one question I had for John was whether or not he told his wife. He said 'no.'

When I got home and shared this story with Steve, the one question I had for Steve was "if this happened to you, would you tell me?" He answered "hell yeah! If some hot young chick throws herself at me, I would want to brag about it." We laughed about it. And if Julie did throw herself at Steve, I would not have been upset. That is the truth of it. Steve would have been doing the right thing by escorting her back to her room, and if she stepped over the boundaries, that is her doing, not his.

Steve has been hit on by girls, and guys, and I know about it. I am sure that there are times that I don't know about as well, and I am totally cool with that. If anything, when he gets hit on I take it as a compliment. Frankly, I am not even sure why one would be pissed off if their spouse was hit on.  Now, if your spouse was receptive to the come on, that is one thing...but, if you quickly shoot it down, there is no harm in that.

*****

You know, when I starting writing about this topic I was thinking of all the things I could mention, but I am actually having a hard time finding the right words. I think I am having a hard time finding the right words because I don't want to piss anyone off, so I want to choose my words carefully....and, this whole trust thing is something that just IS with us. Sometimes it is just hard to put things down in words.  I don't put rules on him because I trust that he isn't going to stray. I have confidence in him that he is going to always do the right thing. I am secure in our marriage. And fuck, if he doesn't do the right thing, then it is his loss and he will have a long road of recovery to pave. There is a lot at stake in a marriage, we both know that, and we know better than to mess it up.

Sure, there have been times where our trust has been challenged, but we live and learn and are only stronger because of it. Take the time when he went to his Captain's hotel room after getting into the hotel for the night. It was about midnight or so, and they were joined by the flight attendants. Sounds very peculiar, doesn't it? Yeah, I thought so too. In my head I had thoughts of this big drunken orgy. No, not really. In truth, it wasn't that I thought he was cheating on me, it was just that this was so out of the ordinary for Steve that I didn't even know what to think.

But, after Steve told me all the details, it was nothing. Basically, they all wanted a drink, the bar was closed, and the CA offered up his mini-fridge. Plain and simple. Trust was questioned, trust was established, and in the end our trust was only stronger. So, when at the gentleman's club in Vegas and some stripper had Steve grope herself, all in front of me mind you, it was a non-issue for me. Now, that may be an extreme example, but you see my point.  I am really that secure with things.

I have said many times over that trust and communication are absolutely necessary in a relationship, especially when one is gone from home a lot.  And to me, this whole rule thing shows a lack of trust and a unhealthy amount of fear. Not to say that a relationship without trust can't last.  But, I will say to work hard to get that trust established so that you can have a healthy, successful relationship, with no fear.  When your pilot is away, daydream about having him home, instead of having fear that he may stray.  Believe me, I know how a woman's mind my wonder, hello, drunken orgy, but that is where communication comes in. If you have questions, ask. Open the lines to talk about anything and everything that is bothering you, so you have no more wondering thoughts. Be secure in your relationship! There is enough to worry about when you pilot is away, like this last trip when the front door started leaking again...Ben was puking...I was getting over being sick...so don't make this lifestyle any harder than what it is.

the sick kid...times two!

2012-01-19T13:23:00.000-05:00

Saturday night the kids went down for the night at their usual time. In typical fashion, I then went to the family room to watch some tv. Steve got home from a day trip shortly thereafter. Again, in typical fashion, he went upstairs to put his stuff away and change, and then came back downstairs to join me.

"Steve, I am not feeling really well. I am nauseous." The feeling suddenly came over me.

When a woman in her childbearing years mentions nausea, you almost immediately think pregnancy. When one isn't trying to get pregnant, this news may not be very welcome. Steve looked at me cross.

The evening continued and the nausea didn't go away. I positioned myself in the corner of our sectional sofa - the place that will put you to sleep in a second, guaranteed!

see, guaranteed sleep!

At some point Steve woke me and told me to go to bed.

The next morning I woke up feeling okay, and then it hit me again. Again, with the whole pilot tik-tock timing thing: Steve was leaving for a 4-day trip around 1p or so, and I kept looking at the clock thinking "gosh, I hope this nausea goes away...I have to care for the kids." Steve woke me up from my second nap since he had to jump in the shower. Thankfully that second nap did me good, and I felt much better.

Steve left for his trip...and then IT started on Ben. If I had a mild stomach bug, he got a medium stomach bug. I cared for Ben on Sunday, and again on Monday since I had the day off from work. Ben was getting sick here and there, but it really wasn't too bad on the scale of how bad stomach bugs really can be. Yes, he had his moments of crying from stomach pains and being so weak that it broke my heart.

But, he is also a resilient kid. So, when he was feeling okay you wouldn't be able to tell he was sick.

On Tuesday morning I took the kids to school and I went to work. After an insanely busy day at work, I picked the kids up from school and Ben was feeling badly again. Poor fellow. Finally around 7p that night, Ben got sick again. What to do, what to do...I have to work on Wednesday and I can't take Ben to school. Sure Steve could emergency drop the trip, but is this really that urgent? Decisions, decisions...oh, and the whole time Steve is in the air and unreachable so I have to make this decision on my own. After some planning and phone calls, I had arranged for my retired father to drive up 3 hours to care for Ben.

*****
These are the moments where it sucks to be a sometimes single-parent pilot wife. My work is very flexible and I have a fantastic boss, so usually when the kids are sick I am able to stay home. However, I am a responsible adult and I take pride in my work and my commitment to my office. This means, I can't always just jump ship and stay home.

I have said it before, and I will say it again, being a pilot wife means that you have to know what you limits are and when you need help you have to ask for it. Don't be ashamed or feel less because you need help. You gotta do what you gotta do! And if that means asking a grandparents to drive 6 hours total to watch a sick kid, then so be it.
*****

Ok, so here we are now to Wednesday night when Steve was coming home from his 4-day. He was due in around 8:30p and the kids wanted to stay up. When he came home the kids amped up their hyper level and were happy to see him. The kids finally went to bed around 9p or so. All was well...everyone seemed find...peace and quiet...

...until about 2am.

CC is not one to wake up in the middle of the night. So, when she started to cry Steve went into her bedroom to find - you guessed it - vomit all over her and the sheets. SUPER! To make things even better, Ben got sick again too!

At 0'dark hundred, Steve and I were busy with two sick kids. Welcome home Daddy! I was the one comforting and snuggling and cuddling, while Steve was the one to strip sheets and get ginger ale and run the wash and clean up the puke on the carpet. Again, welcome home Daddy!

I was just thankful that I didn't have to manage two vomiting kids on my own. Again, this timing thing sure did work in my favor. A mother sure does have a way to handle anything that may come her way, but having a husband/father home to help sure does make things a hell of a lot easier!

I thought I asked for a healthy 2012.

with the bad comes the good

2012-01-16T10:44:00.000-05:00

Around Christmas Steve had a crappy-ass schedule. Actually, the entire month of December was really off. He did his best at bidding a schedule to get everything he/we wanted off, but the scheduling program spit out a mish-mosh of crap. All told, he ended up flying a lot that month.

Well, as the title of this blog states: with the bad comes the good. In this case, that means money.

Steve and I are really trying to focus our finances to get everything where we want. Not only do we want to pay off debt and put our comfort level of money in savings, we also need to plan for some pretty decent house items like new windows and a kitchen "face lift."

So, imagine both our joy when Steve looked at his mid-month paycheck and it was about $800 more than he budgeted for. Nice! Lots of flying in December means a nice paycheck in January.

*****
The interesting thing about crap situations, like his crap-ass December schedule, is that when things get back to normal you can easily forget how bad things were. When Steve started back up with his normal schedule in January, I forgot how crappy things in December were. And then this paycheck hits...and what a nice surprise, in a way.

The same thing about forgetting goes for commuting. When Steve first started at his current airline he commuted for a good couple months. I think it was a couple of months. Sure it sucked, but when he got based here and things went back to normal, I totally forgot how bad things were. I am serious when I say I don't really remember much about that time. I don't remember when it started, or when it ended. I do, however, remember one moment around Christmas when I was shopping at Macy's. David Gray, Babylon, came over the radio and I had this horrible sinking feeling that I missed Steve so much. That song takes me back to my Peace Corps days, which inevitability leads to the memories of how much I missed Steve. I will probably always remember that moment at Macy's.

Hell, even natural childbirth is some of the worst pain I have ever felt. Yet, the pain is forgotten so easily. I think that God programs you to easily forget things that are so painful so that you can go on living, or so you have the courage to do it again. Or maybe it is just me...

*****
I don't talk much about money on this blog, especially our finances. Please don't take this as bragging because it isn't at all. It is just that I know we have all been here before. There are months, think summer, that we hardly see our pilots and it sucks...and then a nice paycheck hits. And somehow that makes things all better. So, with the bad comes the good!

PS, sorry for the lag in blogging. We took a "staycation" last week, and I wasn't on the computer much. We went to an indoor waterpark, visited family, went to the science center, and just pitzed around. Every night was movie night, and we slept in every morning. I don't recall ever taking a "staycation", and boy was it nice!

Of course CC is so intent on eating the ice cream sundae at the restaurant, while at the indoor waterpark, that she can't even take a break to smile for the camera!

the sick pilot wife

2012-01-03T13:22:00.000-05:00

I woke up on Wednesday with a sore throat. Actually, just one side of my throat was sore. Throughout the day, things got worse. I called Steve on my way home from work and said "I am sick...I am going to be out of commission tonight." Thank goodness he was home! Talk about perfect timing, as he got in that morning from a trip. When I got home from work I parked my ass in bed and didn't move for the rest of the night. My fever eventually got to be 101.

So there I was, laying in bed, sick with a sore throat and a fever. And there was Steve, on three hours of sleep due to the red-eye he flew the previous night. Who trumps who? Who will win, sleep deprived or sick with a fever?

Well as I previously mentioned, I parked my ass in bed all night and Steve took care of the kids. Poor guy. The last thing he wanted to do after a crap-ass schedule was to come home to a sick wife and the need to be a full-time dad...on three hours of sleep. Yes, he was cranky at times, but he pulled through. He even finished off the evening with a couple rounds of Black Ops and a beer or two.

I went to the MD the next morning and got tested for strep. Negative. Good! My fever and sore throat continued for the next couple day. Thankfully Steve was home to play Mr. Mom the entire time, while I stayed in bed nursing a fever.

When you are sick, you really do keep counting down the days until your pilot husband/father leaves, and pray that you get better in time. Yes, a pilot is always able to call off a trip, even an emergency drop if necessary (like when I went into labor with Ben). But, you have to watch it around high holidays. I am sure crew scheduling thinks it is awfully convenient when pilots call off on July 4th or Christmas Day or New Years Day.

Finally, on the 31st, I woke up in the morning with no fever, so I knew I was on the mend. Steve actually had a day-trip that day, and I was able to manage the kids fine. In the back of my mind, I had the plan of calling my sister or aunt to come over and help if I needed it...again, the last thing Steve would want to do is call off sick on New Years Eve. I was rather slow, moving about 60%, but I managed. As the day progressed, I was feeling better and started doing my normal daily things.

By that night, with the help of some more advil, we went to my aunt's house for a party. I wasn't able to drink in normal fashion, and the empty belly I had for a couple days wasn't prepared for the invasion:

But, Steve and I rang in the new year with family, and that was just wonderful!

Steve left on New Years Day for his next trip. By the time he left, which was late afternoon, I was really feeling better. I even took the outside Christmas lights down, and started to take down decorations in the house.

As I mentioned previously, the timing of my sickness worked out nicely. But, there are plenty of times when you are sick, and have to power through it since your pilot is on the road. Not only do you feel like shit and just want to veg, but you have little ones to tend to. You feel like the worst Mommy when you tell your kids "what movie do you want to watch next?" instead of "how about we go to the library or the park?" Or when you make mac and cheese for dinner, instead of something with more nutrition. But, you gotta do what you gotta do. Powering through being sick is sometimes your only option.

And, there are plenty of times when you little ones are sick, and you are the only one home to handle it. So, you take the brunt of the middle-of-the-night wake up calls, and puke clean-up. But, that is all part of this lifestyle, and you take the bad with the good.

Here is a healthy 2012!

This whole pilot fatigue stuff

2011-12-28T12:22:00.000-05:00

We have all heard about the Colgan Air Flight 3407 crash in Buffalo. If you know some detail about the crash, you have heard that fatigue may have played part in the crash. And if you stay with the news, you know that the FAA recently came out with new pilot fatigue rules. Truth be told, I really haven't read through everything in detail. Steve and I, in the short time together over the last week, have briefly talked about these rules. The timing of these rules and Steve crap-ass schedule around Christmas has inspired this blog post. Warning: this post contains honesty, bad language, and a bit of whining.

Let's map out Steve schedule over Christmas, which was a 3-day piggybacked with another 3-day. Keep in mind that Steve had a red-eye on the 5th and again on the 21st. So, this month is just chock-full of these lovely fighting-body-clock legs.

I won't bitch much about Steve's lack of being home on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I have said it before, and I will say it again, it is part of the game right now. We are making the most of it. Yes, I did cry at mass because I missed Steve. Yes, I wished that Steve was on our walks around the block to look at Christmas lights - the kids in the garden cart while my parent's German Shepherd "pulled" the "sled" like Rudolph.

Yes, I wish that Steve was around with my father and brother-in-law in the basement drinking and talking about the recent axe purchase my dad snagged at a local flee market. But, that is not the point of this post...

Ok, so on the 24th, his "go" time was 7:30a, which meant his "show" was 6:30a, which meant he left the house at 5:30a, which meant he got up at 4:30a. Read: really fucking early and thus the start of having an off body clock. I couldn't even tell you what his trip looked like.  I was with my family for Christmas, so I basically just waited for him to call us since I didn't know when he was a-comin' or a-goin'. The worst thing I can do is call him when he is sleeping. I do know that that trip ended on Monday, the 26th, with a red-eye that got in at 5:59a.

Think it ends there? NOPE! Steve flew out again that night on a 9:15p flight to LAS.Yes, that right. A short 15 hours since he arrived at his domicile, he was out again. Sucks, doesn't it. You betcha'!

Enter how fucked up flight time affects a pilot, which in turn affects his wife and his kids.

Just to note: Steve actually had to wash his uniform at 7am, when he got home. Since he was leaving that night for another 3-day, he actually had to do laundry! Not to mention, he actually drank a beer at 8am while he was waiting for his shirts to finish up in the wash. Don't worry, he met the 12 hours bottle-to-throttle. He basically said "fuck it, it is the holidays and this is going to be the best I can do today."

On the morning of the 26th, the kids and I made our way back home. We planned our arrival so that Steve could have plenty of rest in the morning. We left my parents around 10a, or so, with an ETA of 1p. We did stop at Taco Bell for lunch, the kids bean burrito meal is actually a pretty decent option for fast food, and a potty break at a rest stop. Of course with Taco Bell, you know a potty break is to follow. We made it home around 1:30p, or so.

We got home, pulled into the driveway and made our way into the house. Daddy greeted us with hugs and kisses and then we saw all of Santa's gifts around the tree. The kids opened the gifts, and Steve was a part of it. I am so glad that the kids and Steve were together, but I was quiet pretty much all afternoon. I was exhausted. CC was coughing throughout the night for the entirety of our trip, so that meant restless sleeping. Plus, being away from home is just exhausting. Not to mention, Steve was leaving in a few short hours for another 3-day. Steve was laying it on thick with lots and lovin' and hugs and kisses. As much as I appreciated it, I knew he was leaving again and I was almost numb to it. Why bother getting attached, when he was leaving so soon?

Around 4:30p Steve went upstairs to take a nap. Yet another 2 hours out of the short 6 hours we saw him that day. Ben and CC actually followed him upstairs to be with him. Steve was napping and the kids were watching tv in bed. It was sweet and pathetic at the time time...so sweet that the kids love their Daddy that much, and pathetic that the kids were spending so little time with Daddy that they needed to be next to him while he slept.

Steve left that night, the evening of the 26th, around 7:15p. The kids sat on the front step and yelled "BYE DADDY" while blowing kisses. I did call Steve later and tell him that I was sorry for being short and cold. He understood.

On the 27th around 1:20p, I heard from Steve. He sent me a text that read "im awake." At this point it is known that a short text is far better than a groggy phone call where Steve can barely put two sentences together. I sent him a reply saying that I was home with a sick CC. She has bronchitis. He didn't respond. Not totally abnormal, since maybe he was in the shower or working out. Whatever. Finally about one hour later, I texted him again:

Me: Hello?
Steve: hello
Me: Did you get my text that cc is sick?
Steve: yes...sucks...im in a bit of a funk...sorry
Me: a simple response would have been nice...funk or not.
Steve: Sorry

That was the end of our texting. I wasn't pissed. Maybe annoyed a bit, but not pissed. Not necessarily annoyed at him really, but rather annoyed at his crap-ass schedule. I can't take anything out on him...it isn't his fault. He had nothing to do with this, aside from trying to schedule Christmas off to be with his family. The lovely computer scheduling programming put the doozy of a schedule together.

This, folks, is how crap-ass schedules fuck with these pilots: Steve was so out of it that he didn't even reply to my text that his daughter was sick. Steve was going to rest and sleep on the 27th, and then fly a red-eye into the morning of the 28th. This will be it for red-eyes for the next month, thank goodness. January's schedule is MUCH better, with a vacation in there to boot. So, we will be able to reconnect after all this craziness.

I should clarify, it isn't the red-eyes that fuck with him.  It is more the piggy-back trips...and the trips that have min-rest...and the trips that take him so off his circadian rhythm. As a matter of fact, the red-eye he had on the 21st was actually great. He said that he slept really well to prepare...apparently it was all the sushi he ate before he took his nap. So, Steve is fully capable of handling red-eyes. I am sure that most pilots with flight time in the 5 figures knows how to prepare for night flying. What he doesn't do well are trips like this crap-ass one.

Again, Steve and I didn't talk much about these new rules, but he did quickly tell me that they would address some of this recent crap-ass scheduling. I want to add that Steve is always safe to fly, and if he weren't he would call off. He knows his limits. Steve is a professional, and would never jeopardize himself or his passengers. Steve is well prepared for work. Period.  Case in point, he understood that resting for a late flight is more important than time with me and the kids.

Like I said, the timing of all the new fatigue rules and Steve's recent crap-ass schedule really worked out for blog material. I am glad that something is being done about all this. Too bad that it cost the lives of many to get this stuff changed.

sunglasses update

2011-12-19T13:21:00.000-05:00

Remember when I got Steve some new sunglasses?

Well, Steve no longer has them.

He left them in the cockpit, of course on accident, and they have yet to reappear. He lost them over a week ago, so they still may turn up. He isn't counting on it.

On countless occasions, Steve has found sunglasses in the cockpit. He will do what he needs to do and actually track down the pilot that lost them. The sunglasses will eventually end up in the pilot's V-file. One pilot actually gave Steve a giftcard to show his appreciation.

As for Steve's lost sunglasses, I am sure they are now in the hands of some lucky ~~thief~~ soul. Maybe that person is a pilot, maybe that person is part of the cleaning crew. Who knows. All I can say is "do unto others." Lost sunglasses happen, but be a good person and return the pair to their rightful owner. Sunglasses aren't cheap. Steve's pair were Oakley, and were around $130 or $150. Those guys are above the clouds and can spend countless hours facing a strong sun. Good glasses are a must, and one part of the uniform that shouldn't be spared. Steve can't go without sunglasses, no matter what time of the year it may be.

Ironically, Steve has a giftcard for Sunglass Hut to get a new pair. He received the giftcard from his parents for his birthday in November. Steve told me a while back that his sunglasses were a bit too dark for the cockpit. He said there would be times where he actually had to take off his sunglasses to do paperwork. When he told this to me, I figured a new pair for the cockpit would be great.

Steve has shopped around for a new pair, and will probably get them soon. I hope his other pair turn up eventually. Maybe he won't wear them in the cockpit, but they are good sport glasses and he would surely be able to wear them outside of work.

And with this new pair, maybe we will engrave his name and employee number all over them. Or better yet, we will put a tracking beacon on them...

And, you're married!

2011-12-18T10:18:00.002-05:00

After a couple glasses of wine the other night, Steve opened up about his last trip. You all know how he likes talking about work so much, so imagine my shock when he gave me so much detail. The trip took him to Hawaii, so that meant lots of time adjustment, lots of weird time in the air, and not much phone time with me. I didn't have much detail about his doings when he was on the road, so I got some stories with the wine. I will have to keep that stuff around more often.

One night in LAX, I knew he and his CA went to the Powerhouse. I think that is what it is called. While there, they met up with another FO and CA. They were on different equipment and had different bases, but since they work for the same company it made sense.

Apparently, the other FO was single and "looking to mingle." After a couple IPAs I think beer goggles were on, and he started to show interest in a woman. Let's call her Star. They started talking, which meant that all the pilots started talking with Star's friends. At one point, it was established that the four guys were pilots...keep that in mind.

So, at one point Steve went to introduce herself to one of Star's friends. Let's call her Venus. I am sure that Steve was just trying to be friendly, and put out his hand to shake hers. As his hand went to meet hers, she noticed his wedding ring. Her response? "And...you're married."

Steve told me that her tone in saying that was almost insulting. I didn't know what he meant at first, but after a couple minutes and multiple tries, I finally nailed it: "and...you're MARE-ried." Did you get that? Her tone implied that he shouldn't be hitting on her because Steve is married.

Talk about stereotyping pilots to the fullest! It obviously annoyed Steve since he shared this story. I do have to say, Venus surely needs to figure out this whole being hit on thing. No, I won't even go that far...she needs to figure out what is normal social behavior. Sure, I have been out of the dating scene for over a decade, but I am pretty sure that a handshake was never a come-on.

Since I was so wrapped up in trying to figure out Venus's tone, I don't recall what Steve's response was to her. I am sure his interaction with her was probably short lived, and he went on to another conversation with someone else. That is just too bad: too bad that Venus is so misinformed about what most pilots are like. Not to mention, she is going to take her interaction with Steve, and turn it into this whole story of "so the other night we were at a bar, and this married pilot hit on me" which will just perpetuate the stereotype.

Traditions

2011-12-16T16:26:00.000-05:00

Steve and I were sitting in the family room the other night, after the kids went to sleep. I am sure we were enjoying the taste of the season:

I am not sure what got Steve thinking, but all the sudden he looked over to me and said "you know, our kids won't have a Christmas tradition."

When you think about your childhood, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day were repeats of the previous year...and you wouldn't have it any other way. You longed for the same things; we are creatures of habit, after all. These repeats turn into traditions, and these traditions live with you for a lifetime.

Well, we are going to have it another way...at least for now.

My latest motto when it comes to all things aviation is: "expect the worst, but hope for the best." This time of the year, it means that you expect your husband to be working on Holidays, but if you get lucky you will have him home. Steve is junior, which means that we expect him working every Holiday, including Christmas.

*****
I was born to Polish immigrants. Christmas was always a religious holiday to us, with emphasis on traditions around Christmas Eve dinner and church, and a couple presents thrown in. Steve, on the other hand, had emphasis on Santa, the magic of Christmas, and presents. Steve and I, together, meld the best of both worlds...
*****

But wait a second here, how can we do this whole Christmas tradition thing when Steve isn't even going to be home this year.

This is a perfect example of "whoa is me" with this whole airline pilot lifestyle. Yes, I am optimistic and the glass is always half full, but it still just sucks that Steve isn't going to be with us. Ben is right at the age where he totally believes in the magic of Christmas, and it is so sweet to see. Of course, I am going to do my best at trying to dance around the fact that we are going to open Santa's gifts on the 26th, after we get home from traveling. Because, as we all know, Santa does not deliver kids toys to someone else's house, rather just their own. But, I dread having Ben wake up at my parents house on Christmas morning, and him break down into tears because Santa didn't find him. Or how I will be hearing "Mom, let's go home now...I want to open gifts" during the entirety of Christmas Day. These are the thoughts in my head that make me curse Steve's job.

But like I just said, I am going to keep the glass half full. Steve and I will somehow figure out how to show Ben a picture of Santa flying outside of Steve's plane on Christmas Eve. He will be thrilled! Ben will have three separate times to celebrate Christmas, and the final time will be in the comforts of our own home, with Daddy there! We will all celebrate what Steve knows as Christmas tradition, what I know as Christmas tradition, and then what we are forming together as our own Christmas tradition.

So, while Steve sits junior, we have to "roll with the punches" and take each Holiday as they come. We have a lifetime to make traditions, I suppose. Would I rather have Steve home? You betcha! But, we will make the most of what you have. Not to mention, it is because of people like Steve, that allow other people to be with their loved ones on Holidays. And if you look it that way, that is nice.

new underwear

2011-12-06T12:04:00.000-05:00

I watch the TLC show 19 Kids and Counting. Don't laugh.  I an intrigued by them, and actually enjoy watching their family dynamic.  I have been following them since they first started with TLC.  If you didn't know, the last couple episodes focused on their trip to Europe and Israel.

In preparation for this trip, Jim Bob got new underwear. Do I really care about him getting new underwear? No, not at all, as a matter of fact. I like to keep my visual of a man in his underwear to be that of my marathon-running, weight-lifting, can-still-wear-a-34"-workpant, husband...not that of Jim Bob.

But, the scene of Jim Bob at Costco buying his white briefs did inspire a blog post...

Why is it that people get new underwear for trips? I mean, if you need new underwear, get them! Right? If I need new underwear, I get them. The same goes for Steve and Ben. If they need them, I buy them. I don't wait for a trip to buy new underwear. Then again, I travel enough that packing for a trip isn't about buying new items before I go...it is about opening my trusty TravelPro and adding my belongings. I just need to make sure laundry is done.

I do, however, recall getting new underwear before big trips when I was a kid. I remember getting new underwear before I went to Disney when I was in the 8th grade. And I recall getting new underwear before I went to Poland for the first time, age 15.    God, I hope I wasn't wearing the same underwear from 8th grade until I was 15!

I suppose that trips make for a good excuse to buy new underwear. However, I am going to fall back on the fact that underwear is sort of a necessity thing. I mean, when you need them you need them. And if you only buy them once in a blue moon, that is kind of gross.

This post is neither here nor there, really. Heck, this post isn't even related to being a pilot wife, other than the fact that my husband is the one flying Jim Bob...in his new underwear. I am just making my thoughts known, since I am intrigued at this whole new underwear phenomenon. Maybe the whole excitement of new travel doesn't hit me anymore, where I have to go out and get new everything to prepare. Maybe it is just that I am an adult and I believe in getting things when I need them.

attack of the 155 pound woman

2011-11-30T11:12:00.000-05:00

Steve just got back from a long 4-day. He literally had the first flight out on day-one, and he arrived last night on the last flight in. Oh, and then he got pee tested last night, so that took even more time.

When he finally rolled in somewhere around midnight, I was sleeping like a log. I didn't hear his text that he was on the bus to the parking lot, I didn't hear the dogs bark when the garage door opened, I didn't feel him crawling into bed. I was out.

What I do remember from last night was me trying to find him in bed. I have made it known that my love language is physical touch, so when my subconscious told me that he was lying next to me, I tried to snuggle with him.

*****
If you have a 'sometimes' sleeping next to you, you know what I am talking about when I say that getting adjusted to a presence or lack of presence in bed isn't easy. I have been at this game for a decade now, and I don't see it ending anytime soon. When Steve leaves for a trip, I don't sleep well that first night. I sleep okay on night two, and by night three I am adjusted and sleep just fine.  Steve is home the next night, and wouldn't you know it, you have to get adjusted all over again.
*****

Okay, so last night I woke up at some point and made my way across the bed to find Steve. I found my way to that place on his chest area, that God created solely for snuggling. Well, after a minute or so, Steve couldn't take it anymore and his body language yelled at me to get back to my side of the bed. I turned over, and rolled back to my side of bed.

I could only imagine how it must have felt for Steve: after sleeping in random beds, alone I would assume, for three nights straight, he must have been looking forward to the comforts of his own bed.  After drifting into a nice deep sleep, he wakes to find 155 pounds pretty much lying on top of him. Yeah, that can't be fun. No wonder he isn't too receptive to my snuggling.

I awoke again, later on, and simply moved closer to him. I made sure not to be on top on him, rather just to his side. I lifted his shirt and placed my hand on his stomach, so that I can feel his warmth. I do this often. I get my love tank filled, and he doesn't get pissed off that I am trying to crush him.

The Lonely Pilot

2011-11-27T21:22:00.000-05:00

Steve came home from his last trip on the eve of Thanksgiving. Dark had fallen. The house was clean, pizza was just delivered, Mariachi Beef, my favorite!, cold beer was in the fridge, there was a fire in the fireplace, and the kids and I sported huge grins when we met Daddy at the door. We had college friends coming in for the night, and we were hosting both families the next day for Thanksgiving dinner. Anticipation, family, friends and love filled the home.

Steve's Captain went home to a much different house...an empty one, I assume.

Do you recall the blog post "Hey Baby, I'm an Airline Pilot" ... this is the same guy. What was I calling the guy, Joe? Ok, let's go with Joe. Remember that Joe is probably late 40's and divorced with high-school aged kids. Steve said he overheard Joe calling a local restaurant to preorder some dinners for his kids, who were visiting the day after Thanksgiving. Breaks my heart. Really it does. Apparently Steve didn't get along too well with Joe, so he didn't have as much sympathy for him as I did. But still, holidays are best spent with family...not alone. Well, I guess Joe has a girlfriend, but not much was mentioned about her. So, maybe she is more of a 'sometimes' in his life, not an 'always'. Maybe she WAS at his house when he got there...

And this brings me to the lonely pilot. Being an airline pilot can be a lonely job. Imagine: walking on the beautiful beaches of Cabo...the waves crashing like thunder...warm sun...beautiful scenery...and you are all alone...you wish that your wife was there with you. This is the truth of when Steve is in these beautiful and tropical destinations. Or maybe it is just his way of trying to make me feel better about the shitty weather back at home.

Remember this picture:

Steve sent it to me from...Hawaii was it? The message went something like "wish you were here." Life is better shared with someone, I fully believe. No matter where you are, or what you are doing, life is better with someone...a special someone. So, when Steve is off to these amazing places, alone, it can get to him. But, he has someone to come home to, times three. I am sure that can keep him going at times.

And Joe? What did he go home to? A dark house. A quiet house...until Fox News came on the boob tube. I image there be no warmth in his home...people provide warmth. I feel for him. I did suggest that Steve invite Joe to our Thanksgiving, and his response was something to the effect of "oh hell no. I don't feel that badly for him." Did I already mention that they don't get along too well? I could go on about the multitude of stories that Steve shared about this guy...but that is for another post.

I will say it again: life is better with someone...a special someone. And every time Steve tells me about a CA that is divorced, it breaks my heart. And the same goes for FOs. I usually greet Steve at the door when he comes home. Maybe the kids are still up and provide extra smiles and hugs. I usually have some food ready for him. The house is lit and it is warm, in these cold and dark months. And then the night may end with appropriate welcome home activities, if you catch my drift. Sleeping next to someone is so much better than sleeping next to...no one. I couldn't imagine coming home from a trip to an empty home. No one to greet you. No one to hug. No lights turned on. Yet another cold bed to climb into...

I hope that Joe finds someone. Or maybe Joe doesn't want to find anyone. Maybe Joe wants to come home to a quiet house. Maybe Joe was burned by his ex so much so that he swears off women forever. Who the hell knows. I just hope Joe is happy. I wish happiness for everyone, in whatever form it may come.

*****

And I know that with the holiday season upon us, lots of us pilots wives are going to be feeling lonely as well. Steve was home for Thanksgiving, but will be missing Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. The bitch part about it all is that Ben really gets Santa this year...and it could be so magical for him. We will just need to be that much more creative with timing and stories. New Years schedule isn't out yet, so that is to be determined. Steve will also be missing my company holiday party. As much as it sucks, and it may really suck badly, take comfort in your friends and family. Take comfort in the laughter of your children. Take comfort in your familiar surroundings. Take comfort in knowing that soon enough your husband will be home from a trip. AND - make the most of the time that you have together. I will say it again: absence really does make the heart grown fonder. So, for all the lonely that will be going on over the next month, that much more lovin' will be happening. At least that is my plan.

Today, I am thankful for:

2011-11-24T08:03:00.000-05:00

Today,I am thankful for:
- a good life
- a happy life
- a husband that I adore
- a son and daughter that I love more than life itself
- a good job
- my husband's good job
- a warm home
- a happy home
- a full belly
- my health
- the health of my husband and children
- the health of my extended family
- my family that loves and supports me
- my old friends and new friends

I wish you and your family a very Happy Thanksgiving. Live each day to the fullest, or at least try your hardest. Be thankful for what you have, and don't dwell on the things you don't. Be happy and thankful, and all will be right.

Houston, we may have a problem

2011-11-23T10:39:00.000-05:00

Ben is a good kid. Sure he has his moments, but he is only four-years-old so I will excuse some misbehaving.  And in the same breath, at four years of age the kid knows how he should act.

Yesterday when I picked up Ben from school, I opened the door to his pre-K classroom and he ran right up to me. That is normal behavior, but not normal behavior was his teacher following close behind with a look on her face. "Uh-oh" I thought.

"Ben had a really bad day at school" she said.

I never had that before. Sure, there are things here and there that I have been made aware of, but yesterday's list was l-o-n-g. He was making noises during story time and playing on the shelves during story time.  The two worst things were talking back to the teachers and sticking out his tongue to the teachers.

I was quiet and listening to the events that unfolded that day. I was quick to tell his teacher that I am a firm believer that teachers are boss. Ben needs to listen and respect his teachers - period!  I told her I am okay if they need to turn up the heat on his consequences, like taking away his Lego playtime. Ben will listen and respect his teachers, and I will not have it any other way.

Apparently, he was out of sorts the last 2 weeks, but yesterday was just horrible. As I was listening to the teacher, I was also trying to think about what could be affecting Ben. At this age, a change in environment can really make a difference.

Well, Ben did have a ear infection, but that is cleared up by now. Maybe he is growing? He was saying that he legs hurt, and maybe he just isn't feeling really good? And then I got it...Steve! It breaks my heart to make this connection, and I know it is going to break Steve's heart.

If you recall from previous posts, Steve was off for about 3 weeks straight - 24 days to be exact. Steve's first trip back from that stretch of days off was a 4-day, but he left on Saturday and the kids and I traveled to visit my sister that weekend. Ben was occupied with cousins, and then normal Monday and Tuesday routine...and before we knew it Steve was home.

Steve left for this last trip on Sunday. Since the kids and I were close to the airport, visiting my aunt, I decided to make a stop at the airport to see Steve's plane taking off:

The airport was rather quiet, and it was the only 737 to take-off during that time, so we were positive it was him. Well, after Daddy's plane got out of sight Ben broke down and started crying. Here I thought I was doing a good thing by letting the kids see this, and I think it came back to bite me in the ass.

Houston, here is where our problem is...I think this is officially the first time that Ben is acting out due to Daddy not being around. I am drawing this conclusion due to the fact that this started when Steve went back to work after a long stretch, and yesterday may have been exacerbated due to Ben literally seeing Daddy fly up-up-and-away.

On our drive home I was talking to Ben about his day. He blamed his flu shot for making him misbehave. We talked through everything, and then went on with the rest of our evening.

Steve was in Mexico last night so we couldn't talk about this. We will during the next couple days, however. We will also see how today plays out. I did tell Ben that the effects of his flu shot wears out after 10 days, so "come tomorrow you will have to act appropriately and listen to your teachers."

Everything else, environmentally, has remained consistent with Ben over the last couple weeks, aside from Steve returning to work. So, I really think this is the cause. I will be sure to keep you posted on this situation. And I welcome any other pilot wives that have any suggestions/comments regarding this situation.

At times like this, when I really think Ben is misbehaving due to Steve's absence, I hate that this is part of our life. But, we will weather the storm, and we will be stronger and wiser because of it.
*****
Ben did make an airplane out of his blocks this morning. He will give it to Daddy when he gets home tonight. Ben is so excited to see Daddy tonight, and I know Steve is going to be touched by this gesture. And these are the times that I love the things that come with Steve's job...absence makes the heart grow fonder! Ben will be anticipating Steve's arrival all day...and when he hears that garage door open and the dogs bark, he will scream "Daddy's home!" and run to the door, with airplane in hand, all the while making the giggle sound he makes when he sees him after a trip...

I think they are just asking for their world to be a better place

2011-11-22T10:19:00.000-05:00

Steve works for a major airline. I think that has been established by now, but just to be clear... Steve's company is in the middle of negotiations for the pilot contract. Negotiations have been going on for 3 years now, and there is no light at the end of the tunnel.

We had a good couple hours in the car the other day, and Steve was just frustrated as can be about the status of things right now. There must have been recent talk on his web boards or something, which sparked something in him. He talked about things for a good while.

I don't follow industry news all that much. I get my news from Steve. Since Steve doesn't talk about work much, I don't get all the much info. I have to say, after talking to him I am glad I work for a small company that cares for me - directly. The one thing about working for a big company is that he is just a number. The president of my company is just a stones throw away from my desk. The president of Steve's company doesn't even know Steve's face from John Doe's face. Granted, there are thousands upon thousands of pilots for the company, so it would be impossible to know every pilots face, but you get my point.

I wish that people of power with big companies would treat their employees as real people who have real families and have real lives, and are really affected by big decisions....make Steve more than just an employee number or a bottom line number. This is his life...this is our life. His job is a part of who he is, and it has formed the life that we have. When decisions are made they not only affect him, they affect me, and our kids...they affect our life!

This even goes for all the box stores that are opening on Thanksgiving night at midnight for that Black Friday stuff. Instead of thinking of dollar signs, think about all the employees that will be sleeping through Thanksgiving in order to prepare to work. For the record, I won't be shopping on Black Friday. I will be at home, enjoying time with my family. These employees are real people with real families that are really affected by the decision to open the doors at midnight. And this is even coming from someone who has a husband that works on most holidays, and I still have empathy for these people.

I have a college business degree, so I like to think I know a thing-or-two about a thing-or-two in the business world. I work in the business world, for a financial services company. It is a small business. I don't think I will ever be able to wrap my brain around big corporate America. I totally get the small business world, but not the vastness of the corporate business world. Having said all this, i still think the basics of business are still the same. And the basics of being a good company to work for, in terms of employee moral and benefits and environment, are the same. And the basics of being a good person are still the same.

Call me naive, call me rosy, call me unrealistic. Call me whatever you want. All I ask is that decisions with this contract are made for the best interest of the pilots first and foremost. Make my husband happy. I don't think the pilots are asking for the world...I think they are just asking for their world to be a better place. They deserve it.

Attachment

2011-11-14T19:12:00.000-05:00

What does three weeks off for an airline pilot mean? Facial hair! He actually grew out quite the beard, which I didn't like much, but what was I going to say about it? I knew it would be coming off soon enough, so 'whatever'. Plus, he is the only one to blame for my likeness for a clean-shaven guy...their manual mandates a clean shave...well, he could sport a 'stach from mouth corner to corner...so he has conditioned me to this look.

What else does time off mean? Lots of time with the kids. So much time, in fact, that Ben actually asked for Daddy to buckle him into his booster car seat, one day. Ben NEVER asks Daddy to do that.

That night after the kids went down, Steve told me that he hates going back to work since he feels like he is really bonding with the kids. Case in point, the booster seat. I have to say that when Steve told this to me, my heart broke a little bit. These are the moments that you realize how being an airline pilot Daddy affects the kids...and how being an airline pilot makes you the type of father you are.

I don't know if the kids will ever be attached to Steve the way they are with me. The kids are still far too young to make an absolute statement at this point, but it is obvious, now, that the kids are very attached to me.

OK, so let's play out this whole attachment thing in pictures, shall we? Not only are the kids attached to me, they are also into the competition thing. So, when I hold one, the other wants to be held. When I pull out a snack, they both want to be the "first one" to get the snack. You get the picture.

Let's backtrack to our vacation: on the beaches of beautiful Sanibel Island, it was family picture time. I was holding Ben, and Steve went to pick CC up. CC just wasn't gonna have it. See below: CC is crying and Steve is just pissed off and annoyed. I bet Steve was pissed because the kids wanted me "yet again" and didn't want him. I absolutely love this picture, since it is totally the face I see when Steve gets annoyed. The phrase "come...on..." (in a sing-songy way) is usually said with this face. Can't you hear those words coming out of his mouth with that expression?!

Was CC upset because she wanted me to hold her and not Daddy? Was it because she wanted the same thing that Ben had? Not sure, but I wanted a good family picture damnit, so I turned the situation around.

So, how do I remedy the situation? I held CC along with Ben:

See: happy family picture, damnit!

Did my action reinforce the kids attachment to me? Yes. Is that bad? Probably. But, again I wanted a good picture and I was going to do whatever it takes to get it, damnit! Does Steve get upset with me, at times like this, because I override him? Absolutely!

But, it is hard for me to not step in. Four days out of the week it is all me...I do everything for the kids those four days. How can they not become attached to me when it is all me half the time? You know, sometimes it is hard for me to step back and let someone else do the job. Plus, I am a bit controlling, so that doesn't help things much either. I do try to make an effort to step back and not get myself involved...but sometimes I just can't.

Ah, now let's play out, in pictures, how I can step back...while in Sanibel, we took a dolphin cruise. At one point CC wanted me to hold her, and I was with Ben. Steve, patiently, worked through the issue. CC was screaming and crying and very upset. I wanted to step in, but I just held back and let Steve work through it.

CC can go from happy as a clam, one minute:

to pissed off, the next second:

As much as I could hear her screams over the boat engines, I just sat there and let Steve handle things. It isn't easy to hear your child screaming, but Steve is very capable of dealing. Plus, I made the conscience effort to let Steve handle the situation to reinforce that CC needs to mind him. It turned out all good...eventually CC calmed down, and the rest of the cruise was enjoyable.

This whole attachment thing may just be a function of the kids age. The kids are just 4 and 2, and I can already see that Ben is becoming more independent. With more playtime and independent time, the less he wants me to snuggle with him. Before I know it, this attachment thing may be a distant memory. I am embracing the attachment thing right now, since I love to be so connected to the kids. Although, this doesn't mean that, at times, I get frustrated that they always seem to want me. And, I hope that the attachment being laid now will always be a part of these kids, and they will always find this comfort and connection in me. I will call this one of the perks of this lifestyle...this mother-child bond that we are forming.

I know when Steve likes someone...

2011-11-08T11:49:00.000-05:00

...because when that person asks what Steve does for a living he doesn't just say "I work for xxx airlines" he says "I am a pilot for xxx airlines."

One night while in Sanibel, grandma watched the kids while Steve and I went to the Lazy Flamingo. Of course we got some beer, and then decided on "The Pot". Our pot consisted of steamed oysters and steamed clams. We had fun drinking, talking, and breaking into the oysters and cracking open the clams.

Even though we weren't really there for dinner, eating "The Pot" made me hungry for something else. So, I asked the bartender for suggestions on popular appetizer choices. Lindi, who was sitting to the right of Steve, heard my question and chimed in to urged us to try their peel and eat shrimp. Which, were very good!

For the next 1/2 hour or so, we talked with Lindi and her husband Roberto. After about 10 minutes of talking they asked Steve what he did for a living, and he said "I am an airline pilot for xxx airlines." Instantly, I knew that Steve liked them.

You see, when Steve offers his occupation, a ton of questions usually follows. So, when he said "airline pilot" I knew that Steve was willing to open up to conversation and was happy to talk about flying.

As it turns out, Roberto loves aviation. The conversation would have continued for a good while, I would assume, but Lindi had a bit too much wine and was in desperate need of going home. Lindi kept pushing to go home, so the conversation, which just started, ended pretty quickly.

I am pretty sure that Steve and Roberto would have talked for hours and hours...no exaggeration. Even on our 24 minute walk home, which we timed since we were walking so fast and Steve was proud of our speed, Steve said "I really liked Roberto" a couple of times.

*****

On the flip side, there are some people who would just love to pick the brain of a pilot, and when they know what Steve does they make a point to talk about it.

Right before we left for vacation we closed on our mortgage refinance. Our closing agent, Ray, was a nice man. We settled into our dining room, and started to sign away. About halfway into the paperwork, Ray pulled out a document, which must have had Steve's employers name on it. Ray asked "so, what do you do for xxx airlines?" "I am a pilot," Steve responded.

Ray's next question was "what equipment do you fly?" When someone uses the word "equipment" you know they know a thing or two about a thing or two.

Steve said "the 737".

And then Ray asked "the 300, 500, 700, 800, or the 900?"

Now, you REALLY know that someone knows a thing or two about a thing or two when they know the different types of 737s out there.

Apparently Ray just loves aviation. As a young teen he would go to the airport and hang out and walk around the terminals all the time just to be part of it all. I know Ray would have loved to talk to Steve for a long time, but we were there for a closing, and Ray respected that.

I would tell that Steve was happy to talk to Ray. Ray's face lite up, in a way, when Steve said "pilot" and Steve could probably tell that too. It isn't every day that you meet a pilot, and I am sure that Ray was anxious, in a way, to talk to Steve about all things aviation.

I think that any airline pilot finds their job mundane, when it comes to the day-in day-out type stuff. Hell, any job can get mundane. So, I think that when Steve is around someone who still finds aviation magical, it is refreshing for him. I even think it may rejuvenate him a bit. When Ray made comments about how neat it must be to travel all the time, ect, Steve didn't respond with this true thoughts of "yeah, I guess it is nice, but I would rather be at home with my wife and kids." Rather, he responded with "yeah, it really is neat." Because, you know what? Flying is really neat. It is pretty magical, if you think about it. It gives people so many opportunities to see and do so many wonderful things....which will probably be the topic of my next blog post: the neat things we get to do with a pilot husband/daddy.

Sanibel Island

2011-11-06T09:32:00.000-05:00

We just got back from a week in Sanibel Island, FL.

Bare with me as we get settled back into our regular scheduled programming...

"Our relationship works because he is gone"

2011-10-26T11:48:00.000-04:00

Recently, Steve and I joined my college friends for a Big Chill weekend in Chicago. On the drive to Chicago, the five of us talked and talked and talked. At one point, when talking about our marriages with traveling husbands, these words came out of my mouth: "our relationship works because he is gone."

That sounds horrible, doesn't it? But, it is true. AND Steve agrees to this.

Case in point, Steve is currently home because he is on jury duty. Being on jury duty means that he has been home when the kids and I get home from work and school. Keep in mind, that in normal circumstances Steve is not usually home at this point in the week. I usually go about MY routine with me, myself, I and the kids, and I don't have to deal with a man being in the house.

The other day, the kids and I got home from work and school. When we pulled into the driveway I could see that Steve was mowing the grass. Great! I hate mowing the grass, especially since the self propel is broken. The kids and I got out of the car, waved hello to Daddy, and then headed inside.

I walked into a mess. Steve got excused from jury duty around noon or 1pm, so he had the afternoon at home. When he got into the kitchen he placed his keys, wallet, and bag on the counter top. He probably then ate lunch, as evident by the dirty dishes on the counter. Then he went to the computer and browsed around and ate Halloween candy, as evident by all the empty Halloween wrappers all over the desk. He finished it all off by eating the rest of the peanut butter cookies, and I know this because of the empty cookie container that was left out.

I nearly blew it. Keep calm...keep calm!

When I discovered this mess, Steve was outside planting grass in the area where he removed the deck.

I started to clean up:
- I threw away all the damn candy wrappers
- I loaded the dishwasher and started to wash out the cookie bowl

- and in a fit of rage I threw his backpack into the foyer.

Throwing the bag released a bit of my anger.

I, then, calmly walked out on the back porch and told Steve "I would appreciate it if when you make a mess, you clean it up." Steve asked for clarification, and after my examples of empty wrappers and bowls and dishes, he understood.

About 10 minutes later he walked in after finish all the grass was planted, and told me he was sorry for not cleaning up and sorry for being outside when we got home. Steve really is good about cleaning up and being ready for us when we get home. But, he was running about 15 minutes late on everything. He said that the backyard took forever to mow. When I get upset, I get quiet. I just looked at him and said "this is going on my blog."

You see folks: Steve has been invading my space these last couple days.  If he was not home yesterday, any mess on the counter would have been mine. And I can't get pissed off at myself for that. Any dirty dishes would have been mine, and I would be the only one to blame. I don't usually come home to a dirty mess of a kitchen, but I did yesterday and that just set me off. See...invasion!

It is amazing how much of a rhythm the kids and I get into during the week. My usual rhythm is to come home with the kids, settle down, make dinner, ect... But yesterday was totally different, Steve was invading my space. It was like he was invading my rhythm. At this point in our life, I am adjusted to his absence. The norm IS for him to be gone, so when he is home it just throws everything off...and that is why our relationship works because he is gone.

Having said all that, of course I like when Steve is home. It just takes some adjusting...

*****

I am going to use my blog as a sounding board again. As I mentioned above Steve is on jury duty. When he had to report in, there was a case that almost went to trail. Since the case was this close to a trial, the jurors got full detail of the case. At the last minute the defendant pleaded guilty. The case was that of an 8-year-old girl that was raped by her mother's boyfriend. I won't share any more details, since they really are that disturbing.

A lot of the readers on this blog are mothers, and even fathers, and that is why I want to sound off. We have been very clear with telling our kids about appropriate behavior when it comes to this topic. Be clear with your kids too! Don't be shy or embarrassed to talk about it. This stuff really happens, and do what you can to protect your children. I don't think you can ever start too early when it comes to talking about this with your kids.

What we haven't stressed yet, because we didn't even think about until this case, is that if something does happen it is okay to tell someone. Make sure your kids know that if something does happen it is important to tell someone, and that they won't get hurt if they tell someone. The sad thing about this little girl is that she did tell people in her family, but it wasn't until she told a teacher at school that something was done about it.

This asshole got 10 years to life with his plea, and he will struggle BIG TIME in prison. Even the lawyers said that prison won't be easy for this guy.  But, as much as this asshole will struggle in prison, so will this little girl...for the rest of her life. My heart goes out to this little girl. So sad.

Eastbound and Down

2011-10-24T11:02:00.000-04:00

I have been wanting to blog out this for the longest time, and I finally got the material to do it.

When Steve flies from Hawaii to California it is a LONG flight. I also believe it is a red-eye, based on east coast body clock time. So, I think that he has to mentally prepare for this leg in a different way than most other flights.

For some reason, the song Eastbound and Down always pops up into Steve's head when it comes to that leg.

The lyrics go something like this:
Eastbound and down, loadin' up and truckin...
we got a long way to go, and a short time to get there...

I mean, it does makes sense. He is eastbound. He is loaded up and is truckin'. It is a long way to go, and they have a short time to get there...

And thanks to Steve, every.single.time this song pops up on iTunes, I have visions of him in that right seat, yoke in hand, tunes playing overhead, and Steve bopping to the beat. My vision gets even better if the CA is doing the same. Imagine: two dancing pilots up in the cockpit...hilarious!

So, the material for this post: Steve and I took a road trip to Chicago recently for a Big Chill weekend. Here we are in the car, after a food stop, and Steve just had to put this song on to keep us motivated...

Hello?

2011-10-19T09:50:00.000-04:00

Steve's red-eye got in at 6:04a morning.

I wasn't sure if he would call me or not. Around 6:45a, he did call. I was in the bathroom ironing a shirt for work.

Me: hello?

Steve: hi. I am in.

Me: ok. How was your flight?

Steve. Good. How was your night?

Me: Good. The kids were good.
Then I started to tell him about the outside noise I heard the previous night.

Since I was in the middle of ironing I put the phone on speaker. As I was talking he wasn't really responding. Fine, nothing unusual. He isn't always the most talkative on the phone.

But, at one point I finally said "hello?" since I thought the connection may have been broken.

Steve: no, I am here. I am just out of it.

Folks, I wouldn't be surprised if he fell asleep on the phone. And I am saying that in all honesty. I picture him nodding off with the phone up to his ear.

Those red-eyes can be rough, and I am sure that once Steve got into his hotel room all he could think about was sleep! He may have called me when he was already in bed, and his brain was already shut down.

I simply replied with "that is fine, go to bed. Call me when you wake up."

I am sure he fell asleep dreaming sweet dreams of...sleep.

things that go bump in the night

2011-10-18T11:51:00.000-04:00

Things that go bump in the night are always more scary when Steve is not home.

11pm: I am laying in bed alone. My boyfriend just left. I kid, I kid. The kids are asleep and the dogs are...somewhere in the house. The tv is on some lovely trashy Bravo programming...my guilty pleasure!

I start to hear this humming/rotating sound, sort of like a leaf blower outside. Hmmmm....

I ignore the noise at first, and then the longer it lasted the more concerned I got. What could it be? The neighbor kid has been known to do yard work in the dark, but 11pm is a little excessive. I open the bedroom window, which faces the front of our house...nothing really. I sort of hear the sound, but not really.

Hmmmmm....

This noise will not go away and the more I think about it the more concerned I get. What if the house is going to blow up?

I check in the kids rooms. Nothing. Kids are so cute when they are sleeping, aren't they?

I can hear the noise from my bathroom, which only has a skylight, no windows, so I think it could be outside road noise. I know they are working on a highway within an earshot from our house. I get back into bed. I get on the highway website to check road construction, and yes they confirm a project. However, they don't give an exact timing of any phases of the project. Ok, that makes my mind rest...a bit.

Wait! Maybe it is the dehumidifier in the basement. Sometimes the hose becomes loose and it rattles a bit. So, I get out of the comfort of my bedroom and make my way downstairs. I am sure to turn on all the lights on my trek. Our neighborhood gets really dark at night, and sometimes even I get a little spooked. I open the basement door. I hear the dehumidifier, but that isn't the noise I am trying to identify.

I walk around the first floor and go into every room. Finally, I turn on the outside light to our back porch. The light does a decent job of lightng the absolute blackness of our backyard. Of course I need to make sure there are no boogie-men waiting outside for their prime opportunity to abduct me. I open the door. BINGO! Confirmed! I find the source of the noise. With the way the house faces, and the way the winds are, the road construction noise is more prominent in the back of our house. Therefore, I couldn't really hear it from the front when I first opened the bedroom window.

I make my way back to bed, triple checking each and every door, and make sure to turn off all the lights on my way. On the table in our foyer, we have a hand/bowl thing. It has a motion sensor, and looks something like this:

photo credits

I turned off the foyer light and the hand in the damn bowl slapped down and screamed "AHHHH-HHHAAAA. GOTCHA!"

Motherfucker! My heart skips a beat. I hate that damn thing. I pick up the damn bowl and turn the switch to OFF.

I finally get to my bedroom, crawl into bed, and dream sweet dreams of road construction...

just what the doctor ordered

2011-10-18T09:55:00.000-04:00

Sometimes being married to a pilot wears on you. The wear is anything and everything from being a single mom, to putting away dinner dishes every night, to doing bathtime and bedtime every night, to sleeping alone, to having to take the trash out every week, to helping with homework, to locking up the house every night...to just being alone once the kids go to bed...

Steve was home for a bit longer than usual this last set of days off. Do you know what that means? A break for me, in a sense. I feel refreshed and I actually like Steve again. That sounds bad, doesn't it? You know how things can get at times: the little shit things piss you off, like the way his jaw pops when he eats. Most times you don't even notice the pop, but sometimes it is like nails on a chalkboard. You know some sort of bug is up your ass when you get this way. That bug had been up my ass for a good while...but, the good news that this said bug is now gone! Is that a sigh I hear, Steve?

When Steve was home he took the kids to school. He cleaned up those pockets in our house that just accumulate lots of shit and never gets addressed (ours being the counter top in the mud/laundry room). Steve cleaned up after dinner. He bathed and put the kids to bed every night. We hung out after the kids went to bed. He was home! It was nice.

I can't comment for Steve, but I think this extra time off was good for him too. I could tell he was more patient with the kids, and just happy...relaxed in a way. He said he was "sleeping like a log" which doesn't normally happen when he is home. And he didn't touch a razor for days...any man not forced to shave has to love that. Plus, I am sure that he is happy that I am not snapping at him and giving him one word answers to the questions he asks.

This lifestyle can really wear on you, and a little break in a typical schedule can do wonders! We, as in wives with traveling husbands, have all been broken down where we just get pissed off and frustrated and angry and annoyed at the littlest things. Time does heal all things. And time, with a husband at home, has surely healed me.

Steve left for his last trip and I missed him almost the moment he left. When Steve gets home from this trip I will be happy to see him. Although he will be off of a red-eye, and that doesn't always put him in the best mood. As much as this lifestyle wears on you, it also makes the heart grow fonder....at least it grows fonder for me...most times. In all honesty, over the last couple weeks I was glad he was on the road, since I needed my space since that pesky bug up my ass was taking up a lot of room. And after my birthday disaster, I am VERY glad he was across an ocean! But, I like these times better: when I think about him and get butterflies in my stomach. (Mike, did you just throw up a little bit in your mouth, again?)

I am putting this all out there, since we have all experienced this...and it is normal. Having a rough patch doesn't mean that your relationship is failing, it just means you just have a little bump on the road. Every marriage is going to have these bumps, but just like you do when flying through a rough patch of air - you slow down. Steve and I were able to slow down these past set of days off and live a normal life. It was a good thing...and I like him again.

pictures

2011-10-13T11:39:00.000-04:00

I haven't blogged much since Steve has been home for a good number of days, and I would rather spend time with him then on the computer.

How about some pictures? Everyone loves pictures!

The shelves are done! He did a great job. And the thing is pretty solid. Steve loves to push and pull on them and say "look at how solid they are!" If a tornado hits, I will be going under there!

What does a good couple of days off mean for a pilot? No shaving!

And you gotta love a little kid in a pilot hat. CC is extra cute since she wears it backwards!

Balance

2011-10-04T12:18:00.000-04:00

My birthday is September 25th. I am a Libra. It didn't dawn on me until I heard someone else say it just the other day: the symbol for Libra is the Scales, which represents balance. This hit me like a ton of bricks. In my 33 years, I never thought of this until just now. I AM all about balance.

Lately I have been a little snippy with Steve. Why? Balance, or should I say the lack of balance. I have been out of balance these last couple of weeks. Does this really have anything to do with Steve? Sometimes I blame him for something that isn't his fault. But this time, it does have something to do with him...

This all started about 18 days ago. Yes, I actually looked at the calendar and counted back the days. In the last 18 days, Steve and I have been in the middle of just lots and lots of hustle and bustle: a trip to see my nephew for his birthday, Polish class, swimming class, visitors at our house, a marathon, a crappy ass birthday for me which deflated me pretty good, projects around the house, two 5-day Hawaii trips, and now the trip Steve is currently on. In this past 18 days, Steve and I have been in our house only 3 nights by ourselves.

Yes folks, you read that right. Steve, the kids, and I have basically had no any time to ourselves. We have been doing this-and-that, and it is taking a toll. Am I being a whiny bitch? Kind of. But, if you are a pilot wife you know what I am talking about, and you will SO be able to relate to this.

When your pilot gets home from a trip, you want a bit of down time. When your pilot gets home from a trip, you want some alone time, if you catch my drift, but that isn't easy to do when you have guests in your house. When your pilot is home, you just want to take it easy. When you pilot is home, you want to reconnect. When you pilot is home, you don't want the days to go by in a flash.

But, when you pilot is home and all you do is run-around-this, and entertain-that, it doesn't make for any quality time. The balance is gone.

Ok, so to come off those points, let's talk about balance when Steve is home. When he is home, I want him to be totally engaged with the kids. Ah, but he is also the man of the house and needs to do this-and-that around the house. How do you balance everything?

His latest project is ripping out the once sinking deck in the backyard.

the screened porch is staying, but you can see the deck, a bit, in this picture

The deck is pretty much taken down at this point. All that is left is ripping out the burning bushes, plant grass, and we Steve will be all done.

Steve is resourceful, and is taking some of the deck wood and using it to build shelves in the corner of our garage.

this picture shows the columns that are now around our front door, but that corner is where the shelves are going.

In the middle of our past 18 crazy days Steve was working on all this...wait, shouldn't he be spending time with the kids? Wait, but he has to complete these projects before the weather makes him stop. Wait, how does all this balance out?

Steve does his best in sneaking time in here or there to get things done. But, since I am not feeling balanced, the littlest thing will set me off. Usually, when he asks if he can go out to work on something I grin and say "sure". But, as of late my responses are probably more like "sure, if you feel like you have to." Wait, have we heard that line before?

I haven't been the happiest camper of late. I hate being this way. I really do. It isn't my character to be this way. We have all been here before where we feel all out of whack. We long to get back to some sort of normalcy. But this takes time, and effort, to be honest. Plus, this all takes extra time when your pilot isn't home every night so you can deal with this.

These are the times when I wish a pilot could call up the company and say "Hi crew scheduling, this is Steve LastName, employee 123456. I am going to have to call off my next trip. You see, my wife is out of balance and she needs realigned. It understand that you are under min coverage, and this will make you junior man someone, bless his heart, but my wife is very close to losing it and I can't have that."

Wouldn't that just be wonderful?

I will be fine. Steve and I will be fine. Steve gets home today and we will spend the evening together as a family. And so help me God if he busts out the drill to work on the shelves. The kids will be at school tomorrow, so Steve will knock out the shelving project. He is off this weekend and we are going to the pumpkin patch and will have a nice family fall weekend. Life will reset itself...and the world will balance out...thank the Good Lord, because if something doesn't happen in the near future I really may lose it.

What kind of mother am I?

2011-10-03T20:13:00.001-04:00

I have a lot of say in this post, so bare with me. It will all circles back to being the mother that I am, which is a direct effect of Steve being gone all the time and me being solo a lot...

*****

Ben is in his second year of Polish Class. Every Friday night from 6-9p I sit in the cafeteria at the church, while he kids are in the classrooms learning away.

The school is small, and everyone knows everyone. There is a new gal in Ben's class this year. Let's call her Jane. I finally got Jane's story figured out this past Friday. It all started when Jane's grandmother starting asking me questions about where, in Poland, my family comes from. Since we were talking regions and towns, she was saying that husband's family is from the Tatra Mountains. She was calling Zakopane "Zack-o-pain" instead of "Zack-o-pah-neah". Zakopane, if you don't know, is a very popular tourist area. If you have ever been to Poland, you know where this area is. This women has a good heart, but I got the immediate sense that she is rather distant from Poland and the Polish culture. Her husband's grandmother was Polish...so we are talking 2 generations removed.

Ok, so the story: this woman has three children. Her middle daughter had Jane when she was 18. This daughter is now 22, and not the main caregiver. Apparently 90% of Jane's time is with the grandmother. I could go on and on about our rather lengthy conversation, but I will spare all the detail and cut to my point: I feel like this grandmother is trying to do her best this second time around as a mother.

Why didn't this woman send her kids to Polish class 20 years ago? Why now with this one? Second chance I tell you. She also used the phrase "so that God has mercy on me" a couple times, which reinforced my thoughts. I truly applaud this woman and her efforts on giving Jane all these wonderful opportunities. I am happy that she is at school, and I will go out of my way to make them feel comfortable.

Usually, we have one chance at this whole parenting thing. We do what we think is best for our kids, and we hope for the best. If you ever watch Modern Family you know the character "Phil". One of his lines totally nails this thought:

We like to think we're so smart, that we have all the answers. And we want to pass that on to our children. But if you scratch beneath the surface, you won't have to dig deep to find the kid you were, which is why it's kind of crazy that we're raising kids of our own. I guess that's the real circle of life. Your parents faked their way through it. You fake your way through it. And you just hope you didn't raise a serial killer.

*****

There are plenty of times where I wonder how I am doing at this whole parenting thing. A lot of this job falls onto my shoulders, since I am the one with the kids the most, so I feel a lot of the responsibility. There are plenty of times that I question what I do, and don't do, as a parent. There are plenty of times where I know I am doing something right, and there are plenty of times where I don't know if I am doing the right thing.

Take these two scenarios at a birthday party a good couple of weeks ago. Steve was working, so I was solo with the kids. At one point during the party CC was picking flower pods off the lilies that were planted in the ground. A mother looked at me and said "is she yours?" and I, then, corrected CC. I am not sure what I was doing during those moments of flower destruction, but I wasn't watching my daughter.

Fast forward maybe 15 minutes, and we were settled down at a table to eat. After a couple of bites, Ben decided he was over the whole eating thing and would rather turn the folding chair upside down and walk IN it...you know, because sitting normal on a chair is silly. A grandfather came upon us and he told Ben "you know, those chairs aren't to be played with like that."

If you are a pilot wife, and a mother, you have been in this position before: at a party, husband gone, you are solo with the kids...you want to relax and enjoy yourself, but the kids are still little enough to be watched over. You need a second to yourself to be able to eat or drink or talk to someone, or even go to the bathroom for heaven sake, but you can only be at one place at one time. You only have so many arms and so many eyes and so many legs...you can only be stretched so far.

Going back to the flower picking and chair walking: I can't watch every step CC makes. Try to follow any 2-year-old...they can disappear in a flash, they are that fast! As for Ben, I really didn't see the harm in him playing with the chair. Now, if he was destroying the chair that would be one thing, but he was just playing around. In both circumstances, I did not take offense to the corrections. Rather, I took the comments as a way of these people stating that I should engage. The flower picking was wrong, without a question...CC was destroying something and it needed to be stopped. As for Ben, he wasn't harming the chair so I really didn't see the harm in it, but the grandfather did. So, I adjusted things.

*****
So, this begs the question: what kind of mother am I? Without a doubt, being solo a lot has made me the mother I am.

As a whole, I am trying to raise two children that are independent and capable of making good decisions. I am trying to instill responsibility in them. Without a doubt, the fact that Steve is gone so much means that I have a lot on my plate. And the older the kids get, the more I will have on my plate. The sooner I get them started, the sooner I will have help with everything.

Lately, I am having Ben teach CC a number of things...like helping her wash her hands before meals, or having him tell her about what the letter "M" sounds like, or helping her clear the plates after dinner. He is learning to be a leader, she is practicing her listening skills, and I am not going crazy with battling a 2-year-old over this or that. She follows Ben's lead really well, and I surely use that to my advantage.

At this point, the kids: clean up their plates after dinner, help bring the trash/recycling up after trash day, feed the dogs, let the dogs in or out of the house, help around the yard (just the other day Ben drove around, in his powerwheels truck, some hydrangeas that I transplanted from the back to the front yard), and Ben gets dressed by himself and CC will even fetch a diaper if we ask her. Of course other things like cleaning up toys go without saying.

I want my kids to learn things in life by themselves. I am not the type of mother to hover. I expose them to things, but I can't walk them all the way through things. I want them to explore. Just the other day we went to a corn maze. It was muddy. We warned the kids to be careful in the mud. Ben was fine. CC slipped around and fell a couple times. Yes, I had to do a load of laundry afterwards, but CC learned that mud was slippery. I could have carried her through all three acres of the maze, but what would she have learned from that?

I am the type of mother to let the kids touch, feel, taste, and experience things themselves and learn from it. Some may call me laid back, but I do this so I keep my sanity. Imagine if I weren't this way. If I was "on" all the time, and hovered over the kids, and watched their every move and step...I would go nuts! I already do a lot when I am solo...and I couldn't imagine "hovering" to my plate. I want to make my life easier, not more difficult.

I am also a rather calm mother. I am not one to raise my voice, but rather guide the kids with having them make decisions. I totally follow the Love and Logic approach to parenting...and CC has finally fallen into stride with this way, mostly. Yes, I get frustrated and pissed and annoyed and lose it, but all mothers do and that is inevitable. And if I do lose it and raise my voice, the kids get into stride pretty quickly since they know I am not fooling around.

Along the calm line, I also try my hardest to not make empty threats and to follow through on my direction. I want the kids to mind me. Period. For instance, if I say "CC, if you put that buckeye in your mouth one more time, I will take it away" and she puts it in her mouth...I take it away. By this point, the kids know I mean business, and they have one chance. Ok, ok, who am I fooling...sometimes I have to repeat myself over and over ("CC, put on your coat. CC. CC put your coat on...CC put your coat on...), but that is just part of the game with little ones. Practice makes perfect, and I strive to keep calm and have my kids follow my direction, the first time I say it.

*****

Now, there are certain things that I worry about when it comes to this whole pilot lifestyle thing. Are my kids too attached to me? Ben is 4-years-old and a bit of a mama's boy. Yes, I love that. But, at the same time I don't want him so attached to me that it effects him negatively. Will I become that mother who will never think a daughter-in-law is suitable for my "precious little one"?

Will my kids have issues with Daddy being gone so much? Will Ben and CC remember a childhood where Daddy was never around? I worry about this. I am sure Steve worry about this. Hell, Steve was in Puerto Rico when I went into labor with Ben....thus starting the "he almost didn't make it for xxx."

There are a couple things that get me through these negative thoughts:
- I have a good friend who grew up with an airline pilot Dad. She is very well adjusted and very well rounded. She never recalled her father not being their for sports games or the like.
- There are plenty of children who follow in the footsteps of their pilot Dad. Their childhood must not have been so hard for them, if they grow up to be just like Dad.
- "Reality is the world in which you are born" The kids only know Steve as an airline pilot, who is gone when he works. They don't, and won't, know anything different. This is normal for them.
- When Steve is home, he is not distracted with work. He may be distracted with house projects, which is my next blog topic, but he can step away from projects and be with the kids in the drop of a hat, if need be.

*****

Only time will tell how I am doing with these kids. I hope and pray that these kids grow up to be smart, successful, polite, and just all around good people. I have been working on this post for a while now, and it is a totally mish-mosh of thoughts. But, somehow it all comes together. I guess how this whole parenting thing goes: you put together things as best as you know how and somehow it all comes together.

The Marathon Running Pilot

2011-09-26T14:50:00.000-04:00

Steve completed his second marathon on Saturday. He ran it in 4:03, and he is satisfied with his time.

His first marathon was in 2008

Due to an injury he ran it in 5:30. His goal, with this run, was to beat his first time. His goal is completed and I hope he doesn't have the urge again to run another one. Wait, let me rephrase that, I hope he doesn't have the urge for years and years and years.

And here is where the pilot thing comes in: Steve is gone a lot...training for a marathon takes a lot of time. See where this is headed?

Steve would plan his long runs on Saturday morning. So, that means on Friday night he would go to sleep on the early side since he alarm would go off in the 5 o'clock hour somewhere. Early alarm means not hanging out much with me on the night before. Early Saturday morning runs also means a nap that afternoon. You all know how I feel about Steve and naps. And let's round out the day by Steve going to be early, since an early wake up, and a long run, equals exhaustion. Let's top this all off by Steve going to work, usually, the very next day.

With a traveling husband, every second of together time needs to count. When lots of lots of precious time is taken up with training, it effects me.

I have been nothing but supportive when it comes to Steve's training, so don't think I am being a whiny bitch about this. When he says he needs to run, I don't bitch. When he has a really long run I make sure to be carb heavy in meals the day before. I make sure, most times, that his running stuff is cleaned.

I am very proud of my husband. I am proud that he is choosing an active lifestyle. I am glad that he still fits in his 34" work pants. And I am thrilled that our children are growing up with these events in their lives.

On race day, I gather the troops with custom signs and custom shirts, by Silbling Special-Tees

The shirts read "Team OurLastName"

We make sure to cheer along the sidelines and show our support, not just to Steve but to all the runners that day. Being a part of a marathon is an amazing experience. It is everything from empowering to prideful to moving.

Having said all that...I am beyond thrilled that Steve is done with this run. I am beyond thrilled that he doesn't have the notion of running another marathon. He talks of half marathons, and that I can handle. And he knows that if he talks of another marathon anytime soon, I will kick his ass to the moon. Love you, honey.

randomness from Steve's last trip

2011-09-22T11:37:00.000-04:00

Lots of little shit happened with Steve's last trip, so I figured I would just make a totally random post about the last 5 days.

** Steve is OCD about tire pins, or is it gear pins? He came home from his last trip with a huge ass grease mark on the back of this uniform shirt. I can't get the damn stain out...I will keep trying. As he was preparing to leave for this last trip he was telling me all about how he got the stain. Did you know that there are pins up in the landing gear? Those pins are used to lock the landing gear when they are being worked on. Right? I think that is right. For his walk arounds, he is OCD about making sure the pins are where they need to be. Imagine taking off and not being able to pull in the landing gear because you forgot to make sure the pins weren't in. Steve tries to avoid those situations, so he bends and maneuvers himself into that tight space to look at the pins...well, as he bent and then straightening himself into that area he scraped his back, and then yelled out "FUCK!"

** I got Steve a pair of Crocs for work.

In short, I needed to use a store credit and these shoes were on sale. They are water-proof, and he needs that now that winter is around the corner. His other shoes are NOT waterproof, and doing a walk-around in snow slush in seeping shoes is no good. He says they are "fine." I want them to be "the best and most comfortable shoe I have ever worn...you are the best wife ever in the whole world to be so thoughtful and considerate of my comfort."

I love crocs, and think they are really comfortable. Steve thinks these shoes may look a bit orthopedic. I think they are fine.

** Steve did a 5-day to Hilo Hawaii, out of LAX. Day 1 he met up with a college friend, who I will call A. A has a Lotus.

he is touching his hip to demonstate how low that car really is

Steve sent me this picture with a note that said "me like." Steve is a car snob. I am fine with that, since it is all in his head. He has been dropping hints here and there about getting himself a little car like this...his latest obsession is a Porsche, used of course. My response will continue to be "you can get it when you can pay for it in cash."

** We really didn't talk much at all this trip. These trips to Hawaii make for a huge time difference, and there are two red-eyes in there. On day 4, Steve arrived into LAX. He slept off the red-eye for a good 6 hours, was awake for 2 1/2 hours, and then slept again to prepare for his next red-eye. All these things don't make much room to talk. I have to admit, my love tank is a bit empty, but he is home now so things will be just fine. I am sure that many pilot wives have empty love tanks because of a trip. But, absence does make the heart grow fonder, and makes for time together that much more appreciated.

** He got in this morning. They were in 45 minutes late. You see, the plane was late getting into LAX, so they blocked out 20 minutes late. But, they had to "really slow up" enroute because they were in "some pretty bumpy air." Apparently the jet stream is low right now and is making things bumpy. SO glad I am not flying today.

"Why do you slow up when it is bumpy?"

"Why do you slow up when you drive over a bumpy road?"

"Ok, I get that. That makes sense. How bumpy was it?"

"Pretty bumpy. You would have been uncomfortable"

"That sucks. How long did it last?"

"2 hours" Steve said, calm as can be.

Oh, hell no! If I were on that flight I would have needed to be sedated!

** we are in the middle of a mortgage refinance. Paperwork came on Monday. Steve hasn't been home yet to deal with it. We will work on it tonight and mail it in. Thankfully, this paperwork isn't time sensitive. It is the pits to have Steve running to fax machines here and there to deal with time sensitive stuff.

** our front door is still being worked on:

J, our handyman, was waiting to finish up the project until our lights came in. Well, I got the call that the lights were in. The drive to get the lights is 30 minutes. The store closed at 6p. I needed to get the lights on Monday since the weather was going to work in our favor on Tuesday. I texted our neighbor, and she had one of her boys come over to let the dogs out. Right after I picked up the kids from school, we hiked across the hills and picked up the lights. The kids dined on America's finest Happy Meals, and we got home about 6pm.

** CC will wake up in the morning and say "Daddy working" It is very bittersweet. Reality is the world in which they are born, so the kids don't/won't know any different. Right? On the way to school one morning CC said "Daddy working. Daddy airplane."

"CC, Daddy is in Hawaii" I said.

She responded with "Ha-yi-yee" She is into repeating everything you say. Her language is exploding right now.

And then Ben chimed in with "no CC, Daddy isn't in Hawaii, he is in Mexico." I corrected Ben, but he sure was persistent that Daddy was in Mexico.

I think it is pretty neat, if I do say so myself, that the kids are learning geography as such a young age.

*****

Totally random, but I have to add it because it is so darn cute. The other night we went to CiCi's pizza. The kids played games after we eat, and when it was time to leave the restaurant CC, of course, wanted to stay and play games. In the car she was just crying and whining. So, I asked her a simple question. I couldn't believe her response! I didn't actually think she would respond! Of course, I pulled out my phone to video tape it. I am such a good mother.

A side note, we always say "piss off" instead of "pissed off." You see, my grandfather would always say it this way, so we just sort of picked up on it and still say it this way.

*****

** So, that is pretty much my week in review, with total randomness.

My First Blog Award

2011-09-22T09:40:00.000-04:00

Thank you Shea from Flying through Life on giving me my first blog award!

The rules of this award are to say 3 random facts about yourself and then pass the award along to 5 other bloggers.

My 3 random facts:

1. Kids are drawn to me. I don't know if it is my height or my manner, but often times kids come up to me and talk. And when I pick up the kids at school, their classmates always come up to me and show me things and talk to me. I am pretty sure I missed my calling as a teacher, but I do consider going back to school and becoming a teacher.

2. I was a lifeguard for a couple of summers when I was younger. I rescued two kids during that time. I also rescued a kid at the pool on our recent trip to Vegas. It wasn't very dramatic or anything, but the little girl was in trouble and her mother was about 3 feet away. Not passing judgement in the least, but the mom just didn't notice the girl struggling. I always say that you can read the eyes...the eyes show if someone is in trouble....and her eyes were screaming! The girl simply walked in too deep, and her little tip-toes weren't helping her. I simply grabbed her by her armpit and pulled her up. She was fine. The mom was confused.

3. I have an extra bone in my foot. I learned about said bone in college. I was actually a pretty decent volleyball player, but within days into pre-season my junior year I sprained my ankle pretty badly. After all the x-rays, and whatnot, the bone was discovered. I always saw the bump in my foot, but I just thought everyone always had that. I also have a tattoo right around my extra bone area. I got the tattoo, a purple star, when I was a PCV. We took a weekend trip to Prague and that is when I got it. And that event is a story in and of itself! This tattoo artist's name was Parzba. I guess if you look hard enough you can see my extra bone...it is about 2 inches in front of my tattoo.

They say tattoos are addictive, but I haven't gotten another one yet. Steve and I talk about getting tattoos, something to represent the kids, and I am sure it will happen sooner or later.

Since this award was given to me by a fellow pilot wife, I am going to pass it along to other pilot wives that blog:

** Gym Class Dropout

** Life in a Holding Pattern

** Take off with Katie

** Atlanta Running Mom

** Piloting Life

The Optimistic Pilot Wife

2011-09-21T11:44:00.001-04:00

My glass is always half full...always. This outlook, without a doubt, has helped me handle this whole pilot wife thing.

I was driving home from work the other day, and for some reason I had this overwhelming happiness come over me. Ever have the days where you feel like all is right in the world? Nothing extraordinary happened that day, but everything was just right. Life is good.

I like to think I get this optimism from my grandmother. She was one of the most beautiful women, inside and out. She was a strong woman. She was a loving woman. She was a generous woman. She passed away in 2003, and we all miss her every.single.day.

Every single time I see a butterfly, especially white ones, I think of her. I wear Estee Lauder Beautiful perfume because she did. I smell it and think of her spraying it in her bedroom, with that blue carpet under foot. She may have been getting ready for church, so she would have been wearing a blouse and a skirt. She always looked so nice. Cecilia's middle name is Wanda, after my grandmother. CC has a wonderful spirit, and I pray that I see glimpses of my grandmother as she gets older.

my maternal grandparents circa 1970 or so

*****

I was 15 when I went to Poland for the first time. I went with my older sister and my grandparents. We spent 6 weeks traveling around the country and visiting the many relatives from both sides of my family. I am 100% Polish. My maternal grandparents immigrated after WWII. My father is the only one to immigrate from his family.

I will never forget the morning I was sitting at the breakfast table, in the kitchen of my uncle's house, with my grandmother....

my aunt and uncle outside their home

I had just showered, and my hair was still wet. My hair is thick, and it was rather long at that time. My shirt was wet where my hair laid over my shoulders down onto my chest. It was summertime, so I was in shorts and a t-shirt. I was probably barefoot, although I should have been wearing slippers...everyone always wears slippers over there. We were eating bread, butter and eggs. There was probably cheese out too. Of course there was honey out, since my uncle has bee hives. I was sipping on hot tea. My grandmother was sitting across the table from me. It was just the two of us.

I don't how or why the conversation started, but before I knew it my grandmother was gazing across the room with tears in her eyes. She was in a thoughtful gaze. I could tell her mind was racing, but there was still a disconnect in her eyes..

She was taken by the Germans during WWII at the young age of 17 to a work camp. I believe she said she was 17, even though her real age was 18. Her work would have been more difficult if they knew her as 18-years-old. I believe that is how the story goes. She sewed medicine bags for German soldiers. The work camp was in Germany. My grandfather was in the troop that liberated her camp. They met, and married a short 3 weeks later.

"I would not wish that on my worst enemy" she said, still in a tearful gaze.

I was 15. What do I say? I just listened.

She slept on straw. She had one blanket in the winter.

"I was so cold" she told me. I still remember the way her body shivered when she said that.

She was so deprived of nutrients that her teeth were actually loose in her gums.

Aside from that morning at the breakfast table, I never heard her talk about her experience. I knew what happened from family stories, but never did they come straight from her.

I believe my grandmother survived that experience because of her spirit. She had a hard life. She had experiences that could break people. She was a survivor. She was a strong woman. It takes a certain person to survive that. I am not sure if it was optimism that got her through the experience, but it was something powerful. I am sure faith had a lot to do with it.

*****

I like to think I got my optimism from her. There is always a silver lining to my dark clouds. Yes, I have my moments...we all have our moments. But, I do tend to rise above tough times with hope, faith and positive thoughts. I am truly blessed, and my hardships don't compare to what some people have gone through, or are currently going through. I am not saying that I have had a perfect life, not in the least. There are some things that still haunt me, but I rise above. I always try to find light in the darkest of times.

I wonder if all pilot wives have this optimism. My guess is yes! We, often times, have to deal with crappy things like: a commuting husband, a husband on reserve, pay-cuts, strikes, questions of job security, moving away from family, missed holidays, ect. Not to mention just day-to-day things like: misbehaved kids, illness, house issues, being a single parent, ect. But, we rise above. We weather the storm and make it through. We all carry something within us to get through these tough times, and we should be proud of that. And our husbands should be thankful that they found the likes of us, for we truly are a strong type.

I don't know how he does it

2011-09-19T19:25:00.001-04:00

My boss walked into work the other morning and said "Joanna, I don't know how Steve does it." You see, my boss just got back from a couple days on the west coast and was feeling the time difference. Honest to goodness, I was JUST talking about Steve's sleep not 5 minutes earlier.

*****

Steve's last trip took him to the west coast, I think, but more so he had a couple 4:30am wake-up calls. Steve got home from his trip around dinner time, so he was able to eat with us and help with bath time. He was actually doing great the entire night. I could tell he was tired, but aren't we all tired when it gets dark out?

He and I called it a night. Before I knew it, I looked over at Steve and he was OUT. I am not exaggerating in the least when I say that he fell asleep in about 1 minute. I had just found a channel on the tv and then I looked over to see his eyes shut.

These 4:30am wake up calls, actually, tend to work in my favor. You see, my idea of bed tv is BravoTV or Golden Girls. His idea of bed tv is Family Guy. So, Family Guy will be on for 1 minute, Steve will fall asleep, and I will turn the channel. It is a win-win.

*****

I told my boss that this whole weird sleep thing is why Steve is cranky ass at times, and that is the truth! I have said it over and over: as much as I have issues with Steve napping, I let him because I would rather deal with a sleeping Steve than deal with a cranky ass Steve.

Maybe I don't give him enough credit. It really isn't easy for the average joe to switch over all these time zones and have crazy wake up calls, and still manage. Pilots really do have something amazing in them that they can deal with all these different time zones and really snap back into base time pretty easily. I could only imagine how the wide-body pilots do it?!

Three Testicles

2011-09-18T22:25:00.000-04:00

Steve flies with a different Captain (CA) every trip. Steve will fly with the same CA every once in a while, but after years and years he gets to know a good number of CAs at his base. Plus, pilots talk so you get to know about other pilots through the gossip mill.

Steve was pretty quiet about this last CA. He was from ATL, and commuted to a different base from Steve. So, Steve didn't know this guy at all when the trip started. And when the 4-day trip ended, he still didn't know much about this guy. I think it was day 3 of his 4-day when I asked "what do you guys talk about?" "I don't know" Steve said. "Oh come on, you don't talk about anything? Tell me one thing you talk about" I said. "I don't know.....home improvement" he said, sounding pissed. Fine, I'll drop it.

This, my friends, astounds me. In my world, this would never happen. Just as an example, I went to the DDS on Friday and I started talking with a guy in the waiting room. In the 8 minutes I was in there, I knew: how many kids he had, how old they were, and what they were doing. We also talked about tv shows, fire alarms and just other regular chit-chat stuff.

I like most people. I find people interesting. I think that people are the fabric of our lives and of cultures. I want to talk to people.

Steve? He doesn't give a shit about most people. Wait, that sounds bad. Let me rephrase that: he is a good friend to the people he wants to be friends with. He is a compassionate person. He is a friendly person. He just doesn't put himself out there. If he were the one in that waiting room, he would have pulled out his phone and browsed around the internet. He wouldn't have cared who was in that room.

So, lets go back to this last CA. One night after he got home from this trip we were sitting in the family room, drinking my new favorite beer Harp, and talking. I wanted detail on said CA, and Steve just didn't have any detail.

"How do you not know if this guy has kids?" I asked in astonishment.

"JOANNA" he responds. And I am going to keep it in caps lock purposefully to emphasis that Steve really was pissed at me. "I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY KIDS HE HAS. I DON'T KNOW IF HE HAS ONE WIFE OR DIVORCED FIVE TIMES. I DON'T KNOW IF HAS ONE TESTICLE OR THREE TESTICLES."

Fine Steve.

He says I was pushing his buttons. Maybe I was. I just don't know how he can be with the same guy for 4 days and not know much about the dude at all.

"Joanna, there is a reason I am in a cockpit with these guys...and it isn't to talk about personal stuff" he said.

I am now afraid to ask him about anyone that he flies with. I know the CAs that he likes, and now that I am thinking about it he was the one to volunteer the information on these guys. I should remember that if he doesn't talk much about his CA, then I shouldn't ask.

music

2011-09-18T21:16:00.000-04:00

I had a 3 1/2 hour drive today, with no kids. What does that mean? Time to think. Time alone in a car also means I jam out pretty good. Yes, I am that girl rockin' out in my rockin' station wagon.

If you have been following my blog for a while, you probably think you kind of know me. What better way to get to know me better than my choice of music. No, this post doesn't really have anything to do with being a pilot wife. But, it does give you a different side of me. Music and smells always bring up memories and take you to a different place. Maybe it is a filler post, but I think it is still fun.

Now, the song that came up that made me think of this post was Differences - Ginuwine. I have to thank my college roommate, and still dear dear friend, for getting me interested in R&B. Most of my downloads on iTunes are R&B...and what comes naturally with R&B, but Soul. You probably wouldn't guess, but I am totally drawn to this genre. Recent R&B/Soul downloads are: Motivation-Kelly Rowland, All of the Lights - Kanye West, Fall for Your Type - Jamie Foxx, Sure Thing - Miguel, and don't laugh but his latest one has a super great beat, Quickie.

As for my ultimate favorite group, hands down Dave Matthews Band. This obsession started in college, and even though I don't play their songs every day, I can always fall back on any of their songs. Grey Street is probably my favorite song from them.

What was our first dance at our wedding? Make Someone Happy - Jimmy Durante.

This was taken by a college friend at our wedding. Steve was dipping me at the end of our dance. Hands down, my favorite picture from the day.

Another popular play on our iTunes is Lucky Man - The Verve. This is Steve's doing. I think he has gone so far as saying that it is his anthem. Another top favorite for Steve is Thunderstruck - ACDC. It takes him back to the locker room before high school football games.

The one song that will always take me to thoughts of Steve from my college years is: I Love You Always and Forever - Donna Lewis. I clearly remember the moment: Steve drove up for a date. We were in my bedroom, and I was finishing getting ready. I still remember the pants I wore, and Steve's comment on my choice of underwear. He was sitting on my bed and I was across the room in front of the mirror. This song came on the radio, or tv, and I started singing it. I turned around and sang "you've got the most unbelievable blue eye" and I think that I saw some tears in his eyes. It was just a very defining moment in our relationship...he may not admit, or even remember, that moment. I will always remember it.

Speaking of crying, there are two songs that define me and Ben..and me bawling like a baby. The first song Steve played for us when we came home from the hospital. Ben was just 2 days old, and as we pulled onto our street Steve pushed play and Our House - Crosby, Still Nash and Young came on. I bawled.

The other song was played at a coworkers wedding. She was dancing with her father to Lullabye - Billy Joel, and I was sitting in my chair bawling pretty good. Ben was only about a year, and it was just very touching.

Go figure, I also like jazz. You can't go wrong with Miles Davis. Kind of Blue is just wonderful, and I have a Peace Corps friend to thank for that one. I also enjoy soft jazz like A Long Walk - Jill Scott. And you can never go wrong with Diana Krall.

It may be my European roots, or my time living in Slovakia, but I am also way into Techno/Dance. My latest obsession is In the Dark - Dev. She also sang Like a G6 - Far East Movement. Totally love the song...totally don't love the fact that the G6 has actually crashed in testing. But G5 just doesn't have the same ring to it, I suppose.

And I, of course, like Pop. I love pretty much anything Rhianna puts out, with Rude Boy probably being my favorite. I also totally dig Mike Posner, especially Bow Chicka Wow Wow. Another top played on my iTunes is Carry Out - Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.

So, there you have it. My top few songs. Now, anytime you may hear one of these songs on the radio you can think of me. Or, is the better question what song is now stuck in your head?

The pilot wife never rests

2011-09-14T12:05:00.000-04:00

Remember a couple of months ago when we had 20 yards of mulch delivered?

Well, the mulch pile is gone. Actually, it has been gone for a while now. But, what remains from this pile is a pain in my neck. The pain is right where my neck meets my back, and it is the muscles on both sides of my spine. Obviously, this pain is a result of laying all this mulch.

I like to think of myself as a healthy, capable person. I have been an athlete from junior high school into college. I know a thing or two about muscles and injuries and whatnot. I know muscle strain happens, but I also know they go away. Not this one...

I went to the MD 2 weeks ago, just to make sure everything was okay and it wasn't a disc issue. Thankfully it is just muscle strain. The MD told me to take Advil to take the inflammation out. He also told me to rest.

Ha! Rest? Rest, as a pilot wife? Rest, as a pilot wife with two little ones? Not gonna happen.

*****

At the airshow I was headed to the porta-potty, while Steve and the kids were at a table. Ben told me he had to go to...and wanted to be held. CC then starts crying for me too...and she wanted to be held. I picked both kids up and walked to the porta-potty. 78 pounds isn't easy to carry, but it is easier than dealing with two crying kids. What rest?

*****

Steve usually cuts the grass. Well, his last couple times home it has been raining. Therefore, he can't cut the grass. Rain has been in the forecast lately due to a cold front coming in and Steve is on a 4-day. So, what does the good pilot wife do? Cut the grass. It really was long, and needed done. 2 days without rain means you gotta do what you gotta do. We have a hill in the backyard, and the self propel is broken. This all means it is a bit harder to push the mower. What rest?

*****

I have good day and bad days. Of course the bad days happen when I overuse. This is me at the end of a bad day...heating pad on my neck, snuggling with my body pillow...I even snuggle with my body pillow instead of Steve lately since it has been bothering me so much:

Steve keeps telling me I need to "take it easy." Unless he takes FMLA for 4 weeks and never lets me pick up the kids, or do any hard work, these muscles will take their dear old time getting better.

Pilot wives, especially pilot wives that are mothers, dig really deep and find strength within us and always make it work. Sometimes you have no choice but to make it work.

Ok, maybe I am being a bit dramatic with this neck thing. I mean, it really does hurt, but I am still capable of doing things. Sometimes my mind wonders about what would happen if I really was not capable due to an injury. Steve really would have to take FMLA. Let's stop thinking about that...

So, here is to us, pilot wives...keep staying the strong women we are! Keep doing the great job we are doing. And when your husband gets home from his trip, take some time to rest. You deserve it! Hear that honey?

in a flash

2011-09-12T22:24:00.000-04:00

Steve came home from a typical 4-day trip. Steve spent the typical three days home, and then Steve left again for another 4-day trip.

After Steve left for his last trip, I kept asking myself if he was actually home those three days. I mean, before I knew it he was off again, in a flash.

During his days off, we kept busy for sure. As the kids get older, the busier things will be. Steve was busy with: marathon training runs, tearing down the deck, helping friends with landscaping and let's not forget the Buckeye game. Meanwhile, I was busy with laundry, parents meetings for Ben's Polish class, a birthday party and landscaping. Not to mention the other things that you have to do that goes without saying: cooking, cleaning, playing with the kids, ect.

As we were making the bed the morning Steve left for his trip, I looked at him and told him my love tank was empty. Be proud of me that I have become quite vocal about this...before I would let it boil and boil until I would explode, but now I tell him the second it feels empty. Maybe it is a moot point to tell him hours before he leaves for a trip, but at least I put it out there.

He responded by giving me a big hug and tackled me onto the bed and made some crass remarks...Steve, the kids can hear us! No matter what you love language is, if you don't get your tank filled before a trip you can feel pretty empty when he is gone...and that is just the pits.

Oh wait, I should clarify in Steve's favor...he did try to fill my tank the day before he left. However, giving me a wonderful red welt on my upper inner thigh via towel snap ain't gonna cut it!. The second he did it, I told him to "fuck off" and I truly could have slapped his face. Really, I could have. It hurt. Note to any dudes reading this: never towel snap your partner. This is a sure way to the dog house!

Ok, so what am I getting around to? Don't let his time home go to waste. I have mentioned before that you need to love on one another when the pilot is home, and that is the truth!

I am not ragging on Steve at all, so don't take it that way. This is truly a 50/50 thing - we just had a busy couple days...before the both of us realized it, he was off again. Then the text messages start that say "I miss you" and he has only been gone 4 hours.

It is important, as a couple who is apart a lot, to make the most of your time together. As parents, our main priority is to care for the children. But, make time for one another beyond that. Remember, you were husband-and-wife first! It is SO easy to forget to do that, but you have to. If you don't, then your relationship could head towards a bad place.

Take the previous group of days home, Steve and I went on a date one night, and another night we watched Hall Pass (you must rent this...it is hilarious). These two nights were great since it was true one on one time. My tank was filled. I hope his was. I felt totally fine when he left. All was right in the world.

This past block of days off, we um...I can't even remember. Let me think. Oh! One night he worked on his bid while I fell asleep on the couch. Then the other night we got in a tiff since I came home from a parents meeting to a dirty kitchen. Yes, Steve was working on our budget at the time, but there were lunch plates out at 9:45p. I even had to finish up laundry at 9:45p...I was just exhausted and the dirty plates just set me off. So, needless to say, we didn't spend that much quality time together. This past set of days off wasn't ideal in terms of couple time, and I am sure he felt it too.

Let me say it again: love on each other when you are together. Don't let life get in the way, and make excuses of why you don't do this and that. Do it! Hug, not just for a couple seconds...try hugging for a minute. Steve actually does do this, and it is nice. Hold hands. Tell your spouse you love them...while looking them in their eyes. Cuddle while watching tv, or while in bed. Cherish the time you have together. These things will all make you miss him more when he is gone...which makes the coming home that much more anticipated.

FA article on 9/11

2011-09-12T10:42:00.000-04:00

I follow Heather Poole and her blog, Another Flight Attendant Writing.

She just posted this (How 9/11 changed by job as a flight attendant), and I figured I would pass it along.

9-11

2011-09-11T09:07:00.000-04:00

This morning Ben and I we watching TV in bed, and footage of 9-11 was on. I told Ben that bad guys crashed planes into buildings. Ben was intrigued that airplanes crashed into buildings, and then the huge building fell down.

"But, why did they do that?" he asked.

"Because they were bad guys and they were trying to hurt us" I replied.

*****

10 years ago, I woke up before Steve, what's new, and headed to the family room. We were living in the bottom apartment of a house at the time. Katie Couric was reporting that a plane crashed into one of the twin tower buildings.

"Steve get in here...a plane crashed into one of the twin tower buildings!" I yelled. Once the second plane hit Steve knew this was a planned attack.

The rest of the day we were glued to the TV. Neither of us had to work that day (I was working at a bridal salon at the time).

People kept calling Steve to make sure he was safe, and he was. We were. Our families were. I had just returned from Slovakia just a couple months earlier and so many Slovaks reached out to me to offer their sympathy. I even think our family in Poland called in as well. It was very touching.

I didn't know anyone personally that died that day. I pray for all the people that died. I pray for their families. Last night we were watching programming on the events that took place that day, and it was hard to watch...

I don't really have much more to write, but I had to mention this day. Time does heal. But, let us never forget this day.

It's baaa-aaackkkkk

2011-09-08T09:36:00.000-04:00

Steve got in last night from a trip. I was asleep when he got in, but I vaguely recall him standing at the foot of the bed in his uniform, about to put his roll-aboard away. I am sure I greeted him. I then drifted back to sleep.

This morning I got up to shower to get ready for work. I stepped into our closet and what did I smell, but the DAMN ORANGE GINGER BODY LOTION! It's baaaa-aaaack

His work pants weren't even in the closet, but in the laundry basket in the bathroom, about 10 feet away. Yuck!

And I will have to smell it again when I wash those pants. Ugh. I just hate that smell!

I did set out regular lotion for Steve to take on trips, but he obviously didn't notice it. When I get home today I will be placing the regular lotion in his bag, so that he can't forget it.

I am here to make your life easier

2011-09-06T20:02:00.000-04:00

At the hot airshow, I stayed cool with beer.

As I mentioned before, Steve's Union had a nice tent with food and drinks a-plenty. As I headed to the beer tub for the 3rd time, a nice man stepped out of my way and said "I don't want to get in the way of you and your beer."

My response? "When the pilot is home, the wife can play."

He then stated that he "was here to make my life easier." I gave him my winning smile, grabbed my ice cold beer, and then headed back to the table. I asked Steve if he knew who the guy was, but Steve couldn't find who I was asking about, so he had no response.

Maybe the guy was a regular pilot, enjoying the air show just like Steve, and was just being charming. Or, maybe the guy was a union guy who was a rule maker, and really could make my life easier. As much as I love talking to people, I really didn't open up much to this guy. Hard to believe, I know. Frankly, I was just so hot, and the kids were sort of a bear, that I just wanted to drink my beer and sit down.

If, in fact, this beer-blocker was a union guy who make rules, here is what I would have told him to make my life easier:
- pay Steve what he deserves
- always end a 4-day with a trip that gets in no later than 4pm
- don't allow slam clickers, or let the pilots have full trips with the FAs again. Steve has a new set of FAs for each leg he flies. The more the merrier, if you ask me, and overnights have to be more fun when more people go for drinks and dinner.
- have a handy man available to all pilot wives, free of charge of course, that can be at my house in a jiffy when necessary (like when you come home from work to a house that is hot and sticky since the AC isn't working)
- have a babysitter available to all pilot wives, free of charge of course, that can come within seconds of me needing help, or when about to lose it from screaming children. See link above...funny how these things always happen in tandem.
** I promise that the above items would not be abused, but only used in dire circumstances when you curse the fact that your husband is gone all the time.
- Steve should be home for the birthdays of: me, Ben and CC...and of course his birthday. Heck, let's throw in our anniversary too!
- I won't be too greedy and ask for every holiday off, but for every holiday that Steve works let his immediate family fly with him, on positive space, so that we can be with him. Or, for every holiday worked, pilots should be paid double!
- change retirement back to 60
- if a pilot commutes, always give them positive space to and from base
- give pilots new uniforms every year, so that he would never have a situation again where his passengers might see his ass
- give Steve and his immediate family positive space tickets, twice a year, for a destination of our choosing.
- never allow reserve pilots...sitting reserve sucks.
- a happy pilot is a happy husband, and a happy husband makes a happy wife...and a happy wife is a happy life. See how this is all cyclical? Remember this, union rule maker, when making each and every sentence in that company manual. What is that damn acronym again?!

Of course this list is half serious and half playing. We can all dream, can't we?

Air Show

2011-09-04T20:55:00.000-04:00

We went to the air show the other day. Steve's union hosts a tent, so we got food, beer and front row seats to all the action. The only issue...it was SO hot and SO humid. Totally uncomfortable. However, the kids slept for 13 hours that night. Gotta love that! Since the kids went down early we ordered a movie On Demand. Hall Pass. So great!!!! My girlfriend recommended it, and I am glad she did. You have to watch it. Even Steve was laughing pretty good through it.

I really don't have much to remark about the air show. If you have been to one, you don't need a run-down of what I saw. Ben was sort of unimpressed by the planes and the helicopters. He showed the most interest in the bounce houses. CC just kept talking about how she needed "wader." And when the fighter jets would come by, she would be startled and then cry.

We did get some great pictures, however!

that is a spider that Ben had painted on his face

*****
Sorry I haven't been blogging much lately. Sort of "same shit different pile" stuff. Nothing is really going on in our aviation world that is worth blogging about.

Sleep

2011-08-30T09:31:00.000-04:00

Why is it that I can't get this damn chip off my shoulder? Why do I have such issues when Steve naps? Maybe I should get some couch time regarding this issue.

*****

Rewind a couple weeks ago: Steve and I got back from Vegas on a Friday night, around 11:30p. By the time we got home and settled in, it was 1am before we called it a night.

I had to wake up at 7am the next morning for a funeral. It was an emotional day. We didn't get home until about 3p or so. I was tired. Traveling to Vegas, and then a funeral, and then a pending trip to Niagara Falls the next day...I was beat.

I layed on the couch thinking I was going to shut my eyes for a couple minutes. Ben and CC started to bounce and jump on me.

I looked at Steve and asked "is it okay if I go upstairs and take a nap?"

His responded with "if you feel like you need to." What is that supposed to mean? If I didn't "need to" take a nap then I wouldn't have asked, now would I? I slept for about 2 hours. I really needed it.

Ladies and gentlemen, this nap was the first I had taken in God knows how long. True, I am not one to take naps much, but still resting mid-day is always nice.

*****

Steve takes an annual trip to a local island with his father, and a bunch of buddies. They have done this as long as I can remember, so it is tradition and I dare not challenge it. I always let this weekend go without bitching and moaning that he is gone again. Well, last year I bitched a whole lot about it because he chose this weekend over my birthday, but aside from that I really bite my tongue about this weekend.

Well, Steve got home Sunday around 2p, or so, from this lake weekend. They had a good time. That makes me happy.

Not 45 minutes after he got home, I look into the family room and see this:

Really?!

I was with the kids all weekend, yes I did have my MIL up to help out, so what about ME needing a nap? What about me needing a break? Not to mention, Steve was on a 4-day trip right before this lake weekend....I had the kids for 5-nights straight. Instead of napping, I was preparing dinner.

I bit my tongue.

*****

I don't know if it is all pilot wives with kids, or just me, but once we had Ben I have always had a damn chip on my shoulder when it comes to Steve and sleep. Steve naps, and I think it is totally a function of his occupation. First thing, he is sleep deprived a lot. Second thing, he can go from eastern time zones to Hawaiian time zones and back in a span on 5 days. Third thing, he works the backside of the clock at times. Fourth thing, he does not have an internal body clock. All these things combine for a schedule that is out of whack. Naps are important for him, yet I hate when he naps.

It is a catch-22 with this whole sleep thing...if he is napping, then I am the one watching the kids. But, if I protest a nap them I have one cranky guy who is a bear to be around. So, which is easier for me to deal with?

When my children are sleeping, I look at them with tears in my eyes.

They are so peaceful and calm and just beautiful. Yes, I am one of those mothers that stand over their bed for a minute or so and just stare at them.

Now, when Steve is napping, I look at him and think "how dare he! I am tired and I don't get a nap. This sucks. I hope Ben jumps on him to wake him up." How bad is that?! Talk about brutal honesty, huh!

Please tell me I am not the only pilot wife out there that feels the same way. I feel like a total asshole wife because I feel this way, but I still can't help it. Maybe it is because when Steve is home I want him to be totally engaged with the kids, and when he naps he is totally disengaged. Maybe it is because it is all me when Steve is gone, so when he is home I want some help. One can't help when one is sleeping, now can they? Ugh!

Las Vegas Reviews and Tips

2011-08-24T21:20:00.002-04:00

Sometimes I use this blog as a sounding board, and I can't resist to do the same with our Vegas trip.

Our stayed at the Cosmopolitan. I highly recommend this place! Steve shares my opinion. He kept saying how comfortable he was. Hell, even something as simple as having two sinks in the bathroom was great! Or something even more basic as turning on the hot water and getting hot water instantly. Yes, I have been at hotels with Steve before where we turn all the faucets on in the bathroom to get hot water sent up.

Best hotel I have stayed at in a while. Not only is it new, which means uber clean and shiny and not smokey/gross Vegas beer in the carpet smell. It is also swanky and sexy and beautiful. The places just oozes cool. The interior designer is a genius. I truly was walking around touching things. The texture on the walls, the art, the finishes, were just beautiful. The people, staff and guests, in the hotel are great...I didn't find anyone rude or annoying. Hell, even the room service guy who delivered our food at 2am was awesome. We joke that he may have been the owner of the hotel, doing Undercover Boss, since he knew a whole lot about the story of how the hotel came about...

Oh, another thing, the place isn't totally overrun with tourists like the Bellagio or Caesars. People at the hotel are guests at the hotel. I liked that. The people there are, also, just beautiful. The first day at the pool we were treated to a hot body in a thong. I am the first to admit that I have butt envy...this is not my strong point, so I am usually the first to pick out a woman with a nice derriere and then the words "I want her ass" follow. As Steve and I were headed down the elevator to leave for our flight, we shared the ride with some hot body guy...you could just see his form through his thin t-shirt. Eye candy is always fun to be around!

Now for a tip:
- stay in a suite! It has great space! A $20 tip during check-in got us upgraded to a premium view. Stay in the West Tower. Amazing! This picture was taken on our balcony.

Restaurants:
If you have been reading along these last couple days, you know the first night for me was shot since I was sick. I am not sure where the three had dinner. Heck, I don't even know where we had drinks. Somewhere in Planet Hollywood...

Tuesday night we ate at Sushi Roku at Caesars. I have had better. It was fine, but nothing extraordinary. If you do go there, don't expect the best sushi of your life. The company was good, so the evening was nice, but the food was just OK.

Wednesday night was our best meal of the trip, by far! We ate at Julian Serrano at the Aria. Now, this is one of the best meals I have had in a long while. This is my second time having tapas, and I really dig it! We started with a big pitcher of the red sangria, which went down too easily.

See the results of said sangria?! We were walking out of the Aria and couldn't resist.

Jason, our server, was great! We basically went around the table and order one item...and we did three rounds like this. In total, the four of us had 12 plates. Hands down, the best plates were: egg ravioli and Spanish tortilla. My Polish roots actually came out with the Spanish tortilla (go figure). It was the perfect potato, salt and butter combination EVER! We didn't eat dessert there, although the dessert menu looked good.

I think the reason I am into tapas lately is because you can really pace yourself. You don't overeat, and you get lots of different tastes with all the plates. You meal lasts a long time too, and when you are with good company you want meals to last a long time. I am not really that big of an eater anyway, so this style of dinner is just perfect.

On Friday morning we headed up to Bouchon at the Venetian. It is a Thomas Keller restaurant. I have eaten there before, and I loved it. I have to say that sometimes memories are better kept as memories. I just ate a baguette with jam and a fruit salad. It was wonderful. The other three got omelets, I don't think they were all that impressed. We were seated outside. It was hot. You can't drink your morning coffee when it is 90 degrees outside. I should have asked to be seated inside.

And I have to mention to hidden pizza place at the Cosmopolitan. Best pizza I have had in a long time. There are no signs for it, so find your way to Jaleo, and then look to the left down the hall where a pinball machine is. They have PBR on tap, as well as Stone IPA.

Since we ate dinner around 8-8:30p most nights, we didn't leave room to do anything else but just hang with drinks. Our final night there we did, however, go to a show. We decided on comedy, and had a great time! We headed down to the Tropicana for Brad Garrett. Freakin' funniest guy ever. We were laughing hard. He was great!!!! Worth every penny. Everyone needs a good laugh like that. Now, to bring up something that Brad brought up...ladies, ask you men if they spit in the urinal before they pee into it...

I hesitate to add this next part, but I will anyway. What happens in Vegas should stay in Vegas, but I really do have some tips for this next part, so this may be useful to someone. This is where my parents and my in-laws and family friends can exit the blog...

After our dinner at Caesars we decided to head down to the Luxor for some 5below freezing cold bar. We got down there and the cover was about $40 or so. Um...we would rather not...So, after a couple drinks we decided to head out to a gentlemen's club. So, here we were standing in the taxi line and the hotel taxi-getter-guy was all "where are you headed" and I responded with "that is confidential". I am sure he rolled his eyes. He has seen and heard it all. He asked again, yet I couldn't spit it out. After one more time at prodding me, I finally say "strip club". And here is where the tip is...tell these guys where you are headed, especially in this case! He hooked us up. Not only did a limo come and pick us up, tip the driver heavily, but she actually drove us back to the Cosmopolitan too.

M was worried that there was a catch, but there really wasn't. We got in, there was a 2 drink minimum, and no cover. If we had gone by taxi, who knows how much more we would have spent. Better to tip the girls directly, then spend the money at the door. I am glad I went, that is for sure. I think, as a woman, there is a cloud of mystery around a strip club. Now, I get it. I actually have a new respect for some of those women, especially after sharing the bathroom with them. They are woman, some even mothers, who are making a living. This isn't necessarily a place I will frequent, but I no longer have that mystery around them, and I like that.

The one thing about the experience, which sort of relate to pilots, are the solo guys in the crowd. I actually felt badly for them. To be so lonely that you need to go a place like this to get a connection with someone? There are times when I feel badly for Steve being on the road so much, and how lonely he may feel...and I saw loneliness first hand with these solo guys.

Oh, one other thing, I wanted to go through the Wynn just see it. Oh my...the window shopping is just amazing!!!!! And then there is this wall of water in front of a pond that is just amazing. Next time I am there, I will make it a point to hang at the restaurant in front of this water feature. So peaceful and amazing.

So, there you have it, our trip to Vegas in a snapshot. Best vacation Steve and I had together in a long time. It is so nice to see your spouse in a way that you haven't in a long time: relaxed, no worries, no pressures...just like you were when you first started dating. I think that since the kids are getting older, and since we have willing grandparents, we will probably start taking trips like this every year. It is a good thing. Vegas baby...

My husband is an airline pilot, and I am an anxious flyer

2011-08-24T11:14:00.000-04:00

Hi. My name is Joanna. My husband is an airline pilot, and I am an anxious flyer.

Why? My excuse is that I know more than the average person knows about flying, but I don't know enough to know that I am still safe.

I know pilots, personally, who have had a stick shaker go off and who have had engine failure en route. I am sure there are plenty more things that Steve just doesn't tell me. I know shit can happen, but I don't know much beyond that.

I used to be a fine flyer. My first flight was when I was 15-years-old when I flew to Poland, and I was fine. I even remember leaving for Peace Corps, at age 21, and being totally fine with flying. Heck, when I was 19 I went on an Alaskan cruise and we did a helicopter tour of a glacier...I was fine with that! The more I was around Steve, the more stories I heard, and the more anxiety I got.

I think my anxiety started over the last couple years. Do I work myself up? Yeah, probably. And Steve insists that I work myself up. Whatever it may be, it sucks and I wish I didn't have this issue.

For our flight to Las Vegas, I prepared myself with some good beer at the airport bar.

Quick story: at one point I excused myself from the bar and walked to the bathroom. I saw a familiar faced pilot. I thought it was Dave, but wasn't quite sure. We met twice before, but always in a casual setting. He was looking back at me so I thought he may recognized me, but I didn't say anything to him. When I got back to the bar I told Steve that I thought I saw Dave, and he said it probably was. I also mentioned that he was looking at me, so I took that as him recognizing me. Steve corrected me by saying that Dave likes to look at woman...so he was probably just eyeing me. Apparently, this guy likes to always point out the pretty ladies. I know this guy's basic story, but when Steve told me this I got a whole new dimension on this guy. Kinda fun...I love to hear little tidbits about Steve's CAs.

I was feeling pretty good from the beer, and the flight to LAS was just fine. I wasn't nervous at all. I probably had another beer on the plane, and then took a nap. I woke up and we had about 1 hour left. Up to that point I was doing great. Steve was sitting next to me, and he was probably relieved that I was doing so well. Go beer!

During our approach into LAS we were hitting some decent thermals. So, sitting in the back of the plane meant that we were getting bucked around pretty good. Always always book seats around the wing. It makes for a more stable ride. Yes, I was getting anxious about the bumps, but I was also getting motion sickness. I got off the plane and threw up...of course it was because of the motion, and Steve insists that it was all in my head. Remember how adventurous I am? So, imagine getting bucked around for about 10 minutes. Air sickness happens, and it happens to me. This is the second time I got air sick like this. First time was into Salt Lake City. I think 1/2 the plane got sick on that flight. I did, once, get vertigo after getting bucked around in the back of a 75 (whatever the really long ones are) as we were circling around EWR for, oh, 20-30 minutes. This was on our way back from a cruise, so I had my sea legs still. Sea legs + airline turbulence = sucks! The vertigo lasted for about a week. I never threw up from that flight, but I sure was swimming around in my own head for about a week.

We got into our fabulous hotel, and I felt horrible. Steve kept saying it was in my head. Our friends got into the hotel, and I couldn't make it out for dinner even. I couldn't even stomach my $18 room service chicken soup, so I napped. Thankfully, that was the ticket to feeling better! I made it out for some drinks and shenanigans...which ended at the hidden pizza place at the Cosmopolitan. Maybe not the most flatting picture of Steve and M, but the pizza was just delicious! And they had Stone IPA on tap...Steve's favorite!

*****

As for our flight back, I was anxious from the start. Yes, I had a couple beers beforehand, but that didn't help much. I drank two more beers on the flight, and was feeling better. The ride was smooth, and we had DirectTV, so I was nice and distracted.

Our approach in was fine. At one point the pilot said the weather was "clear" and I had Steve translate that for me. No bumps. However, when we turned I would squeeze his hand. When we would slow down I would squeeze his hand. When the landing gear came down, I squeezed his hand. He was pissed at me...I could tell. I truly just could not control my anxiety.

On our drive home he was telling me that I disrespect him, is that the word he used, or was it insult?, when I get anxious during flights. I don't understand why he thinks this, but he insists. He doesn't understand why I get anxious when he is calm. I suppose I get where he is coming from, but Steve doesn't have anxiety about anything so he can't relate.

This anxiety is truly uncontrollable. Truly, I have no control over it whatsoever. I have looked into many ways to deal with this. In the past I have taken meds, but they didn't work. Beer does help, but not all the time. I will go back to the MD and get another type of anxiety medication, in hopes that a new kind works. I even pray about it. My last resort will be hypnosis.

Thankfully, I am still able to fly. I couldn't imagine being so crippled with this that I couldn't even travel.  I hope to God I never get to that point. I should also add that I don't let the kids know that I am anxious. That would just be horrible of me.  Mommy drinking a beer is nothing new to them, so to have them see me drinking beer on a plane isn't anything out of the ordinary.

So, here I am: the wife of an airline pilot that is afraid to fly. The wife of a man that rarely has issues with his flights, yet my mind races that something will happen to my one flight. His latest issues was months ago when he had a mid-air return. Nothing too spectacular, so I know that issues usually turn out just fine. I know flying is safe. I trust the airlines. I trust my husband. I trust the pilots. Well, I take that back...I trust pilots that: have beaten flight bags (and the more stickers on it the better...I like to know about your personality a bit), have gray hair, walk with pride in the airport instead of looking like they "just ate a turd" as Steve once said, and have a nice looking uniform: polished shoes, pressed/starched shirt that is fitted nicely and tucked in.  Everything is working in my favor, yet I can't shake this stupid anxiety.

pilot dork

2011-08-23T11:24:00.000-04:00

We went to Las Vegas with Steve's BFF from college and his wife. Let's call them M and S. They live in another state, but I swear we see them more then some of our friends that live in the next town over.

I didn't know Steve in college, but when these two get together I get a sense of how their college years were. These two are besties, for sure.

You gotta love how mature these two are. Actually, it is really refreshing to see Steve with M. They truly just have a good time together. And I get along well with S, so it is good all the way around.

Ok, so where am I going with this? Well, we all know Steve is an airline pilot. M and Steve met in college in the flight program. M is/was a pilot, never commercial, but he knows how to fly planes. Now, he is an engineer. I would call him a aerospace engineer. He calls himself an engineer. But, his engineering deals with planes, so to me that is an aerospace engineer.

When Steve and M get together, they will often times circle back to plane talk. S and I got to the point, during our Vegas trip, that once they got into plane talk we would cough out "pilot dork."

*****

Poolside in Vegas is sweet. The four of us were laying around, and of course when on your back you look to the skies.

please excuse my finger

There were a couple planes flying over, and Steve and M had to race to be the first one to identify the plane. Ah, then an airbus flew over. M and Steve gathered that the plane was leaving from LAX and flying to Europe. It was heavy, so it was rather low. And this is when *pilot dork* started...the engines on this plane...

M said they were xxx engine. Steve replied with a quick "BULLSHIT!" M repeated himself, and Steve repeated "BULLSHIT" again. CFM this-or-that kept coming up...these damn acronyms. Cowlings kept coming up too...new gens, old gens...blah blah blah...

Steve and M then proceeded to pull out their smartphones to further discuss these engines:

Something I didn't know: the airplane that Sullenberger was flying when he ditched in the Hudson River has the same engine that is on the 73. When the ditch happened, Steve was concerned that there would be follow-up things with the engine. I don't think it was ever an issue. Since Steve was very aware of his engines and Sullenberger's engines, he knew a thing or two about a thing or two when this plane flew over.

Yawn. When pilot talk starts I just tune things out. We were in sexy Las Vegas by a pool with hot bodies all around, and pilot talk started. Oh, I should take that back...this conversation happened when we were out of the pool for two hours since some kid barfed in the water. So all the hot bodies were on poolside loungers. With no eye candy to look at, what else is there to talk about?

These two...I tell you...

Ok, so then Steve just HAD to go to GameWorks so that he could fly the 777 simulator game. We hiked all the way down there, only to find it is no longer. They settled for some fighter jet simulator. *pilot dork*

I might add that I had my try at this too, and did better then them!

Of course I love my *pilot dork* and all his dorkiness. I have said it before: it is in Steve's blood...it is nice to see him around another guy that he can relate to in so many ways. Flying is in M's blood too, so they really are like two peas in a pod.

maybe I should write checklists

2011-08-23T09:35:00.000-04:00

I know I have said it dozens of times before, but I will again establish that I don't know a thing about flying a plane. What I do know, however, is that pilots use checklists at work. Lots of lots of checklists.

*****
We left for Vegas on Monday. We dropped the kids off at my parents on Sunday. Sunday morning I was treated to a mani-pedi and was enjoying a relaxing morning. Leading up to a vacation is only work...and extra extra work with two kids...and extra extra extra work since Steve was on a 5-day trip leading up to vacation. Needless to say, I was feeling the pressure of the trip. I was all relaxed after my appointment, and then I came home to caios.

Just to establish a couple things: Steve is a great husband and father. Steve helps out as much as he can. I didn't tell Steve what time we were leaving to drop the kids off. I didn't tell Steve that he needed to pack the kids toys before we left. I had all these thoughts in my head, yet I didn't vocalize anything.

During my appointment, I was thinking I would come home to a packed car, the kids eating lunch, and within minutes we would be on the road.

Nope. I came home to crying kids. Steve was trying to get Ben to take toys to my parent's and leave them there in a effort to de-clutter. Ben was not at all interested in departing with any toys. CC was cranky since she was hungry and it was nap time.

I started lunch, I tried to defuse the toy situation, with Steve's permission so that I wouldn't step on his toes, and then I lost it.

I actually yelled at Steve in front of the kids. Something I rarely do. "Why didn't you do anything? What have you been doing these last two hours?!" I yelled with tears in my eyes.

"But, Joanna, you didn't tell me to do any of this. How can you get mad at me? I didn't know you wanted to leave right away. You never told me what time we were leaving" he said to me. "If you wanted me to do this, you should have told me."

"Steve...THINK!" More frustration tears fell. "I can't be supermom all the time and think of everything all the time to tell you. Think!" as I pointed to my head. Talk about blowing your top.

I did later apologize to Steve for snapping at him.

If I would have left him a list, a checklist, of everything that needed done, he would have done it, no doubt.

- get out two boxes
- give Ben one box to fill with toys to leave at Babcia's house
- give Ben one box to fill with toys to play at Babcia's house and bring back home
- gather blankets and stuffed animals the kids want to take to Babcia's
- load car with the items the kids will take to Babcia's
- make lunch
- feed the kids lunch
- wait for me as I arrive home from my mani-pedi with a huge smile on your face and greet me with a big hug
- get into car and drive away into the sunset with LaLaLa songs playing in the background

*****

After our return from Vegas, I took Ben and my cousins to Niagara Falls. Meanwhile, Steve stayed back at our house with CC.

Before we left Niagara Falls I called Steve to tell him we were on our way home. ETA 4 hours.

At 5:21p Steve called me. "I am going grocery shopping. We have no food in the house. Tell me what I should get," he asked me.

"OJ" I said.

"We have some" Steve replied.

"Bread" I said.

"We have some" Steve replied.

I rattled off about five other items, staple items, and aside from tortilla chips we had everything.

"Steve, if there is this food in the house then why are you asking what we need?" I said.

"BECAUSE CC NEEDS DINNER AND THERE IS NOTHING TO EAT" he said to me in frustration.

"Steve, don't get upset with me. Feed her spaghetti and tomato sauce, and I will go grocery shopping tomorrow" I told him.

In the same frustrated tone he said "but, I could have gone grocery shopping today."

And I simply replied "then, why didn't you?" Because I didn't give him a checklist.

I do have to add that Steve did do the laundry that day, so it isn't like he didn't do anything. He did, however, wash a new silk shirt I bought for our trip (see below). Let's hope it still fits....

*****

I know there are pilot wives out there that joke about the whole checklist thing, and how they need to do checklists for their pilot husbands. I never thought it applied to Steve...I have known him since 1999, so you would think that I know a thing or two about him. But these last two examples, over the last week mind you, are proof that I may need to start doing this.

Vegas baby!

2011-08-20T20:06:00.000-04:00

Steve and I just got back from the fabulous Las Vegas!!!

Sorry I haven't been in the blogging world lately, but I am sure you understand.

We had a fabulous time. Of course this trip will make a dozen, or so, blog posts. Bare with me as I unpack our bags, get the house back in order, settle back into school for the kids, and get back to work. I will be back....

keep strong...don't blow...almost there...keep your cool

2011-08-12T19:58:00.001-04:00

T minus five hours until Steve's flight gets in.

T minus one hour until Ben goes to bed. I just put CC down.

I can do this...I can keep it together...my kids will not see my angry and frustrated...I have to keep my cool because I can't have my kids see me sweat.

*****

The day started off great. Ben crawled into bed with me at 7am and we stayed in bed until 7:45 or so when CC woke up. We came downstairs to have breakfast and chill a bit before we headed to the mall for pictures.

With the assistance of my sister, I chose outfits for the kids. Meanwhile, the kids were chilling in our bed watching Alvin and the Chipmunks while I ironed the clothes and then got myself showered. Ever so necessary, especially since I had a "maintenance" appointment at the salon for our pending Vegas trip.

We left the house seven minutes later than my desired departure. We arrived at the appointment just 2 minutes late. We were doing just fine!

The pictures turned out better than expected. Since the kids are so young, I truly just hope for one good picture. We were successful, and then some!

We got home, CC napped, Ben played with silly string, and I started laundry and cleaned up. By mid-afternoon my in-laws came up and I headed out for a bit. I got a couple new outfits for our trip, and then went to the salon. I came home to a set table and dinner made. Bonus!

After dinner we relaxed and just talked while the kids were having a great time playing on the tri-cycle. Ben was peddling while CC was on the bar in the back. They were just all giggles.

My in-laws left and headed up to the boat.

The kids and I stayed outside and kept playing. This is when it started to go downhill...

*****

Up to this point, our day was great! So, why did it go bad? I don't know. Steve is usually home on Friday. Maybe that is it. Maybe I am started to feel pulled every which way to get ready for Vegas. Maybe I am just at my wits end after a 4 day trip. Maybe my daughter is really testing her boundaries, which means overtime in this job as Mommy.

*****

Ben and CC were playing on a toy box in the garage. They just love this box and always have fun hiding and playing in it. Well, today they started to stand on top of it...

Then we get inside to settle down before bath time. I started to sweep the floors. Before I know it, CC had spilled water on the steps. Ugh!

As much as I praise Love and Logic and think that it is wonderful, it hasn't worked with CC, so far. I am adamant that my children will mind me. I won't have it any other way. Period. So far so good with Ben. Now, CC is a total different story.

The blood lines in the family have some VERY heavy stubborn streaks. I can't tell if CC has this streak, or if she is just being a 2-year-old. I am not giving up on Love and Logic yet...

I tried my darnedest to "love and logic" my way through the wet steps, and ultimately we were successful...it only took 10 minutes. ****thud**** That is the sound of my body falling to the ground from the exhaustion of having to work so much with CC

As I was working with CC through the step situation, Ben was an absolute angel and started the bath water. Before I knew it, he was already undressed and in the bath. I always praise him for how much of a helper he is, and that is the God's honest truth. So many times he does little things like this that just calm me and help me get through a tough situation.

Bath was fine. Getting dressed was fine. The kids then ran into our bedroom to play on the bed, which is normal. All the sudden there was a boom. I went into the bedroom and the nightstand was turned over, a broken lamp was on the ground, and CC was looking at me, as cute as can be.

keep strong...don't blow...almost there...keep your cool

I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to just escape and run out of the room and make the culprit deal with the mess.

I just cleaned up the mess and then we all headed to CC's room for books and CC went to sleep.

******

When Steve is gone, it is all me at home. When Steve is gone, I am the only parent. When I am the only parent, it is all me. I have to keep it together when it is just me.

As a parent there are plenty of times when you want to beat your child, but resist. There are plenty of times that you want to just leave the room in frustration, but don't. There are plenty of time that you want to just break down and cry, but you don't...or you do it when no one is watching.

When Steve is around and I have one of the situations above come up, I leave and he comes in. And vice versa. Parenting really is a two man job, especially when it comes to afternoons like this!

But, when it is just me...guess what? I can't do any of that. I have to keep cool. Or at least try. Yes, I have lost it a couple times, but I wish I wouldn't have. You live and learn. I have learned that I want my children to know that they don't make me sweat. I want my children to know that I am a strong woman who can juggle all this. I want my children to mind me and respect me.

Now...what am I going to do with this CC child of mine?!

*****

So, I have mentioned before that I like to have the house clean when Steve gets home. Well, maybe that won't be the case tonight. The house is straightened up. The laundry is done. But I didn't roll the socks, which Steve hates. The floors are swept. There is a plate of food in the fridge for him. Compliments of my mother-in-law. These are the basics, but beyond that I am done. Sometimes I just don't have it in me to be superwife/supermom all the time. Thankfully Steve is an understanding man, and will still go on loving me.

showing off...power trips

2011-08-11T13:52:00.000-04:00

The inspiration for this post is the gas-guzzling v-12 truck that passed me on the on-ramp today. This will circle around to pilot stuff - promise.

*****

For the record, I drive a station wagon. It is basically a couch on wheels. And a very comfortable couch it is!

There is nothing performance about it. It has a 5-cylinder engine for goodness sake. The thing is comfortable, safe, can haul the dogs and gets good gas mileage.

I love my wagon. Steve? Not so much. He knows I like it, and I wanted it, so he agreed to buy it. But, he likes something with a little more "spirit".

*****

Ok, so here I am turning onto the on-ramp. 35, 40, 45, 50, 55....

grooommmmmm......groooom.......grooooooommmmmmmmmmm.....there goes the gas-guzzler

*cough* *cough* as I choke on the exhaust from the beast of the truck. It was black, had huge wheels, and was obnoxious, overbearing and loud.

*****

What is it with dudes and showing off like this? And here is where the pilot stuff comes in...Steve doesn't show off like this, and I am okay with that. Ok, let me clarify a bit, the other week when Steve and I went on a date he was pretty quick to accelerate onto the highway. But he wasn't being an ass about it. He was just being quick and "spirited".

Maybe it is just the nature of man to show off like this, to feel power like this. I would imagine that every time Steve takes off he gets to feel that power, and then some. And when taking off from Orange County, he can REALLY feel the power. Maybe that is why he doesn't show off. Maybe he gets his fill of this need for power every time he takes off, therefore he doesn't need to do it more at home.

*****

Soon after I recovered from the exhaust from "beast truck", I was on a bridge that slowed me to about 60, rather then the 65mph speed limit. Of course the yellow crock-rocket motorcycle passed me, and fast! And then as the motorcycle was taking a curve, he weaved back into the other lane in a rather "fancy" maneuver that I am more accustomed to seeing on tv when motorcycles are taking turns on a race track. At least the guy was wearing a helmet.

*****

A boat is another place where dudes can show off . Steve and I took my cousins to the lake last weekend, and we visited a lighthouse.

You can actually see the lighthouse area behind us in this picture...way off in the distance, where the land juts out to the left...

As we were walking back to the car, we started to hear the rumble of a boat. I am not joking when I say that everyone in the area turned around. The rumble was loud and you could just feel how much power that thing had. The boat was going fast! Steve made some comment about how cool that is. And cool it was, I suppose. That boat had a lot of power, and the driver was enjoying himself. The boat had A LOT of power. That boat owner probably spends a couple hundred dollars a week in gas with habits like that. Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.

*****

I don't know, maybe I am just not all that impressed by dudes showing off like this so I find it unnecessary. I do have to say that I am glad that Steve is more tame with his power trips. Or maybe Steve just knows to curb it when around me...you all know how adventurous I am...

I always wanted to be a pilot, but life got in the way

2011-08-10T15:02:00.000-04:00

The other night I was driving and A Long December, by the Counting Crows, came on the radio.

For whatever reason, this song always reminds me of Steve and his ex...and how his path in life could have been SO different. It was a high school into college relationship that ended badly and quickly. If the relationship didn't end, Steve may have been one of those guys who said "I always wanted to be a pilot, but life got in the way."

Time and time again, both Steve and I come across people who give us that line: "I always wanted to be a pilot, but..."

*****

At our old house we had a neighbor across the street, let's call him Eeyore, who wanted to be a pilot. In fact, he was even in the same program as Steve (probably a decade or two earlier), but quit during, or something like this.

Who knows the real reason Eeyore quit the program, but my hunch is that "life got in the way." I think there were relationship issues that may have played into things. This is just what we have pieced together, so who knows the real truth. But, time and time again Eeyore would come over and talk to Steve about this and that about flying, so we knew he was fascinated with aviation.

*****

So, why don't people follow their dream of becoming a pilot? Well, to start: learning to fly isn't cheap, and I bet this may be the biggest hurdle. Being away so much isn't easy, to add. And, not everyone can physically handle the schedule. Lots of people get out of flying for a lot of reason, and these are the ones that first come to mind.

Steve made it. Sure, he wanted to quit a couple times, like after his first long flight, which I think only took 2 hours, but he kept going. And keep in mind that when I met Steve he was already a pilot. So, I wasn't with him in his struggles at first. If I were with him during this part of the ride, I am sure I could comment a lot more.

The one part of Steve that makes him who he is, is his occupation. He would hate to admit that, but flying is in his blood...all the guys that have made it this far do it because they love it. Quitting is easier than dealing with all the shit they deal with, so you know the roots run deep.

see that tatoo on his arm? Those are wings...this is just proof that flying is a part of him.

I am sure there are plenty of times when Steve thinks about why he got into this career. Heck, there are times when I question why I agreed to marry someone who is gone all the time. But you know what, Steve followed his dreams, and for that I am proud. For as many times as he gripes about this and that, there are that many experiences that this job can afford.

Steve never has to say "I always wanted to be a pilot." He is one! He is one of the men walking around the airport, who little kids look up to. As a matter of fact, he may even be that man walking through the airport that ladies might say something something positive about a man in uniform. He is the father of two children who look up into the sky and says "Hi Daddy!" at the passing plane. He is the father who is totally focused on the kids when he is home, because he leaves his job at the airport. What he misses in days away from home, he makes up for in his time with the kids.

I am glad that life never got in the way of Steve's dream. Steve is "living the dream." I know pilots kick this phrase around a lot, but with a sad tone. Take a step back and think about it...you are living the dream! You once dreamed about this life, and you made it. Yes, life may be different now than it was back then. You may have a wife and children now, so being away is that much harder. But, think about what you have accomplished and where you are. You made it...you always wanted to be a pilot, you became one, and this is your life!

I suppose all pilots would like roller coasters

2011-08-09T14:01:00.000-04:00

I may have mentioned that I have cousins that are visiting from Poland. So, we are trying to show them a good time. A bit ago we went to an amusement park. We had fun. Steve loves roller coasters. I suppose all pilots would like roller coasters. I, on the other hand, am the biggest wimp in the world...ever. I just do not handle roller coasters well, at all.

Steve can handle the biggest of coasters, and laugh through the entire ride. Oddly enough, his natural reaction isn't to scream (like me) or remain quiet (like my cousin), but laugh when on a coaster. And then when Steve gets off the coaster, he is just fine and ready for another. He could just ride and ride and ride all day long.

As for me, I hate roller coasters. I hate each and every second when on one.

As we were leaving the park, we came across some little dinky roller coaster. Why not give it a try? All the riders in front of me were having fun, even the little kids, so I figured I would join in. The coaster didn't look all that thrilling, so I thought I could handle it just fine.

I sat next to Steve. Keep in mind I am about 6'1". My damn knees were hitting and I could barely fit into the damn seat. Then the ride started...I screamed in a playful way, and then the ride really started.

I screamed my head off. Like that really high pitched girly scream from a bad horror movie...yup, that was me. Steve looked at me and said "you are joking!" Nope. No joking here. It sucked.

Every single second of that ride totally sucked. I got off and was shaking and thought I was going to vomit. Meanwhile, the 5-year-old who was behind me was all chill and thought the ride was almost boring. Steve probably had more thrilling flights.

I suck on roller coasters. My body just does not handle riding a roller coaster. I guess that just adds one more reason as to why I wouldn't be a good pilot: I am not good at diagnosing problems, and I am scared shitless on roller coasters.

some amusement park picture fun:

why don't people just follow the rules?

2011-08-04T14:48:00.000-04:00

This recent blog post about Kindles and Noks, by The Flying Pinto, is the inspiration for this blog post. Actually, it is more the comment that someone made regarding her post, that got me all pissy.

I just don't understand why people don't just follow the rules when it comes to listening to the Flight Attendants on a plane! What is it with people and their damn electronic devices?! Why must people question the rules about when they can and can't use them?! Rules are rules, period. No matter if you like the rules or not, it doesn't matter. Follow the rules, and don't be a whiny bitch about it.

*****

I was chatting it up with a guy next to me on a flight. What's new? He was a mid-aged man who worked for NASA, or was it the Air Force? Anyway, he knew a thing or two about aviation. I forget exactly what we were talking about, but our conversation was nice.

We were about 5-10 minutes from landing and the woman behind us pulls our her cell phone. "Jane, the flight attendants are coming through to pick up the garbage, so I think we are getting close to landing. I will call again once we land."

The nice man turned around, abruptly, and said to the rule breaker "Ma'am, put your phone away. The frequency will interfere with the cockpit, and I refuse for this plane to crash because of your cell phone conversation."

The lady looked like a deer in headlights...and shut her phone off.

******

Remember the guy I was sitting next to on our flight from London-Gatwick that was listening to his iPod during take off?

******

Can someone please explain to me why people don't follow the rules on an airplane? Or why someone always has to question the rules?

The guy that doesn't turn off his cell phone on a plane is also the guy smoking at the outside picnic table that has the clear NO SMOKING sign on it. He is also the guy that lets his kids play on the rocks at the ice cream shop's water feature, even though the sign clearly states "do not play on rocks."

Ok, so maybe the cell phones and iPods and eReaders don't really interfere with the cockpit. Maybe the real reason to not have devices on under 10,000ft is so people pay attention during these critical times. Maybe it isn't. Who knows and who cares! Either way, it doesn't mean you shouldn't follow the rules. Rules are rules, period! Plus, I love how someone will argue that cell phones are okay, yet they don't have anything but Mythbusters as their knowledge of the situation. Because it is on TV, it must be true.

Maybe I get so pissy about this subject because this is Steve's job, and what if there is one ass passenger who doesn't follow the rules, and God forbid, his plane goes down... people would not want to cross me.

I also get pissy because I am a mother of two young children. I instill in them that following the rules is important. The kids wear bike helmets. The kids don't play on the rocks at the ice cream place. The kids don't cut in lines at the playground. Ect. How can I keep this message consistent when the world around them doesn't give them the same message? Makes my job that much harder. "Mommy, why can't I play on the rocks when that boy over there is playing on the rocks."

Call me a nerd or a goodie-goodie, but I follow rules. Just someone yesterday (Hi Mike) said that I am cool...so cool people can and do follow rules. Be cool...follow the rules, and give the FAs a freakin' break!

Off soapbox now...

orange ginger body lotion

2011-08-01T15:20:00.000-04:00

Let me set the mood: Steve returned from his PC. He was gone for only 3 days, but he had a 3-day before that. Remember, he is always very preoccupied before his PC, so that didn't leave for a lot of quality time.

I missed him. I hope he missed me too. I was glad to have him come home...with that weight off his shoulders, he was relaxed and back to himself. Remember that my love language is physical touch. You can probably see where this is headed. The closer I got to Steve...THE MORE I COULD SMELL THE DAMN ORANGE GINGER BODY LOTION! "You stayed at a Marriott, didn't you?" I asked in disgust.

photo credits

I just hate that smell. I get my sensitivity of smell from my father. There are certain scents I love, like Obsession for Men, by Calvin Klein, but Steve refuses to wear that since his ex used to force him to wear it. I settle for Polo Black now. I love Axe products, and love that Steve wears their hair stuff. This orange ginger shit is just gross.

Rewind back to 2006, when Steve and I went to Paris.

With non-reving, and also the plans to visit a Peace Corps friend, we flew into EWR the night before the international leg. Steve and I stayed at the Marriott at the airport. I forgot to pack lotion, so I figured I would try the orange ginger lotion. BIG mistake. The entire flight all I could smell was the damn lotion. For the longest time, I was associating that trip with that smell. ewwww. I learned never to use that stuff again!

I will just need to buy some good smelling lotion, and make sure Steve takes it on his trips, so that he doesn't come home smelling like orange ginger.

the dreaded PC

2011-08-01T11:48:00.000-04:00

In our world PC doesn't mean 'politically correct'...it means proficiency check.

Steve has a PC once a year. As a matter of fact, I even blogged about his last one. CAs have them once every six months.

What does it mean for Steve? Hours and hours, over 2 days, in a sim. Steve is joined with a CA, as well as a trainer. I think this is what they are called...for now, I will use the word trainer. We all know what a CA is. The trainer is a pilot who flies maybe twice a month, to keep current, and spends the rest of the month in the training center. In the sim, the trainer is the one who operates the back stuff, to which the flying pilot react.

Apparently, there are some trainers that even get into character a bit. One of Steve's leg took him into MEX, and I asked if ATC had an accent....not this time, but Steve gave some examples of what trainers have done in the past. The trainer can speak in a woman's voice as the FA, or the tug operator may be a little rough around the edges. If I were a trainer, I would totally have fun with this!

What does the dreaded PC mean for me? Hours and hours of a husband being preoccupied with studying. Steve does most of his studying at work. But, the couple days before he leaves for his PC, he always has something in front of him to study.

Steve is an overachiever and a perfectionist. I don't know if it is because or this, or if this happens with all pilots, but Steve really is on a one track mind leading up to the PC. I know what to expect by now, so I just deal. I support Steve and his job, so I have to be supportive.

*****

This year's PC is now over. Steve did fine. He actually talked to me about the PC one evening, and even gave me some pretty specific details. There was a whole lot of words that totally flew over my head like 'MEL' and 'rotation' or is it roll? and 'APU' and blah blah blah. I get what he is talking about, but since I don't really understand things I don't really absorb all the details.

*****

Kind of random, but totally related: let me bullet point all this, because it may just be easier to read it this way
* Steve is training for a marathon. He had a 19 mile run on Friday morning.
* We took my cousins, that are visiting from Poland, to an amusement park on Friday after Steve's run
* The drive took about 1 1/2 hours
* Steve's car is a 5-speed
* As we were in the toll plaza for the highway, about 1 hour into the drive, and Steve was using his clutch a lot since it was stop and go. His leg started to either twitch or cramp or shake...or something like this. Of course this was happening because his legs were quite tired.

His leg acting up reminded him to tell us that when he was doing all the one-engine stuff in the sim, it takes a lot of leg work. Um...because your rudder pedals are down there, and you need to use your rudder to compensate for the failed engine...that is what I heard, and I am stickin' to it. See how I can hear what he tells me, but I just don't absorb it because I don't totally understand it?! He said that his legs were getting really tired and starting to shake in the sim from being used so much. Good thing he has strong legs and can handle that! So, all you pilots out there I expect you to do lots of squats to prepare for this!

*****

11 more months to the next PC. Let the countdown begin...

My 7 Links

2011-07-28T13:53:00.000-04:00

Hi guys! So my friend Brittney at Life in a Holding Pattern invited me to participate in the 7 Links challenge.

THE GOAL
To unite bloggers (from all sectors) in a joint endeavor to share lessons learned and create a bank of long but not forgotten blog posts that deserve to see the light of day again.

THE RULES

1) Blogger is nominated to take part

2) Blogger publishes his/her 7 links on his/her blog – 1 link for each category.

3) Blogger nominates up to 5 more bloggers to take part.

4) These bloggers publish their 7 links and nominate another 5 more bloggers

5) And so it goes on!

6) We’ll be sharing the best posts from participating bloggers on our blog and everyday on Facebook and Twitter at #My7Links

Most Beautiful
My recent post, Evolution of a Pilot Wife, is probably my most beautiful. I chose this one because it highlights so much about us. Steve and I are not perfect, our children are not perfect, but we have a beautiful relationship...we have a beautiful family...we have a beautiful life. We have come a long way, and we have been successful so far...yes, we have our imperfections and times where we are about to lose it, but that is what makes life beautiful.

Most Popular
I am almost embarrased to admit that my two most popular posts are: Mile High Club and Hey Baby I'm an Airline Pilot Ironic this comes up, because yesterday I was looking through my google analytics, and I noticed that a lot of people gets to my website from search that are definitely NOT PG. There must be a lot of people out there that like the whole airline pilot fantasy thing, because my blog sure does get hit a lot.

Most Controversial
I don't know if I can reference anything here. I am not a very controversial person, and people don't really comment negatively towards my posts.

Most Helpful
I think these two posts are most helpful, and when I have them on seperate tabs in my blog: Moving from Regional to Mainline and Why Our Relationship Works. These two posts actually have direct suggestions on how to do things. I feel that if someone reads these, they can actually find my suggestions informative and hopefully helpful to them.

Suprise Success
I am going to take a bit of a spin on this one. To me, success in my blog is when I can connect/relate with someone. There is one post in particular, Up in the Air, that prompted a comment from a fellow pilot wife. I absolutely loved reading her comment. I loved hearding that she could relate to each post. Us pilot wives are all in the same boat. I like to keep things open and honest, and to know that other women are in the same boat as me makes me feel successful with this blog.

Not Enough Attention
The day in the life of a pilot, from my point of view didn't get enough attention, in my opinion. It isn't always easy being a single mom, and this posts showcases that. It also shows how busy you can be, and how little you talk on the phone at times.

Most Proud
I have to say that I am most proud of Flying Solo. Not necessarily in the post itself, but what the post is about, which was having a crazy busy weekend...and doing it by myself. Last summer, in the midst of having a house on the market and fixing up a new one, I was able to somehow be superwoman a lot of the summer. Yes, I nearly had a breakdown towards the end of the summer, but we made it

A close second is I Can Do This. This post was about a point with the kids where I realized I really could do this single parenting thing. Having to take care of house and home when Steve is gone isn't always easy, and I do take pride in keeping it all together.

I nominate:
Aggie at Whirly Wife
Amanda at PATD, White Dog and a Blog
Emms at 3hearts2hold1love
Janice at Zielinskifamilyblog
Courtney at The Wright Way

Have fun!

Did I forget to tell you that?

2011-07-26T21:19:00.000-04:00

Steve and I don't talk much on the phone when he is on a trip.

When it comes to our phone calls, I am usually busy at home or work, so I don't have much time to talk about things other than the necessary stuff. As for Steve, he just isn't that much of a phone talker. I think most guys are this way. Sure we talk, but conversations are usually short and to the point. I am cool with it. Steve is cool with it.

Where we get in trouble with this is when he is home and we have conversations that begin with:

"I don't think I told you..."

"wait, didn't I tell you? I thought I told you..."

"oh shoot, I must have forgotten to tell you..."

"why didn't you tell me..."

*****

And this action doesn't just effect us, it effects our family too.

I am sure my family gets annoyed with me when trying to make plans and I will respond with:

"well, Steve gets home in 2 days, but when he gets home we will talk about it..."

"Steve and I just haven't talked about it yet..."

******

In the last month or so:

- I have forgotten to tell Steve that Ben was spending the night at my aunt's house with his cousins.

- I have forgotten to tell Steve that one of his friends from high school had a baby girl.

- Steve has forgotten to tell me about a conversation he had with someone about a baby shower I am hosting.

Not to mention, there are so many of life's moments that he misses with this job. I am talking about the little moments in life that can easily be forgotten in a day or two. I love our smart phones, and even social media like this blog and facebook, so that I can share with Steve moments in our life at home that he would miss otherwise: like the other night when I walked into CC's new big girl room and saw this precious sight:

Or this scene out the bedroom window the other night

or just a simple picture and a message that reads "good morning Daddy"

This next one is hilarious...I was trying to get a cute one of the kids in the tub, and somehow I snapped it just in time for CC's demonic look. She was saying "cheeeeeeese" here:

or the video I took and posted on facebook, before I set up a youtube account, of CC trying to say "corn" in Polish:

If I don't send these little things here and there, there would be so much more that he would miss from our lives.

Sometimes he will even send me messages too, like this from the other day:

"as beautiful as it is, I would still rather be home with you!" he wrote. If he wasn't 12 hours away I would have figured it was just laying it on thick to get in my pants.

Let's just hope we don't miss anything major in our lack of phone conversations....

Digging for something

2011-07-24T12:35:00.000-04:00

It happened again ---- yes I am still married. See these rings?

We had a couple birthday parties to attend the other day. I was solo with the kids since Steve was working. I was chatting it up with someone, and I could totally tell they were digging about why Steve wasn't there. My response was "oh, he is working" and left it at that.

Just because I don't come with my spouse to events doesn't mean we are having problems with our marriage...he is just working. I wear my heart on my sleeve, so if, in fact, we were having issues I probably would have volunteered the truth.

Steve is often times reluctant to come to things...and the older he gets the worst it gets - I have heard this happens to all pilots - and I will prevent this from happening as much as I can... but he still comes to things because he knows it is the right thing to do. And if he isn't there, it is because he is working. Period.

He has missed weddings, reunions, parties...all because of working. Period. I guess I will just let people think what they want to think. I am secure in my relationship. Steve and I know where we are, and that is happily married. Life is good...we are good. Period.

I just hate that people are quick to assume things when Steve is absent. Oh well...I guess this is just part of the lifestyle...

strabismus

2011-07-24T11:39:00.000-04:00

I am taking a diversion, pun intended, from my normal pilot wife stuff to sound off about Ben's latest MD visit. I am a mom, after all, so I figure if someone does an Internet search on strabismus, they can find us.

This picture of Ben was the first picture taken that confirmed my thought that he may have a drifting eye:

Here is another picture that showcases his drifting. His eyes are all out of whack. His cousin is next to him, which is a good comparison of what his eyes should look like:

I noticed drifting for about a month before we took him to the MD. My sister had this condition, as did my maternal grandfather, so this topic isn't totally foreign to me. We made an appointment with his normal pediatrician, but he didn't see anything. He trusted that we saw something and referred us to a specialist. Sure enough, Ben was diagnosed with strabismus and amblyopia.

These conditions play into each other. In lay terms, strabismus is a lazy/drifting eye. Ambylopia is when the vision in the weak eye decreases. Basically, the weak eye turns itself off since it doesn't want to work too hard. Normally, your eyes each see an image and the brain takes each image and forms it into one image in the brain. Now, with the drifting, the brain can't combine the two images to just one image, so the weak eye turns off to take the easy road out. A child won't outgrow this condition, so a child need therapy/surgery...if a child hits a certain age without treatment, the eye can not be fixed and the eye may become blind.

The treatment for Ben was patching for 4 hours a day, for 2 months. We went to the drug store and bought basic eye patches, but those aren't fun for kids:

Daddy was trying to be funny with this design

We bought these patches from Orthopad USA. Specifically, we ordered the Orthopad Elite Boys.

Ben is almost 4, and a rather big kid, so we got the regular size which was perfect for him. I couldn't have been happier with them! I found that the basic ones at the drug store may have been cheaper, but at the end of the 4 hours, Ben would pull them off and his skin would be irritated. The Orthopad patches never irritated his eye, and the designs were fun. They even have a little shimmer to them, which is cute. Worth the money.

Now that I plugged the patches, which I feel like I had to do since I took a chance on them since I couldn't find a review myself, let's talk about his last MD appointment: we got the best news! Ben's drifting and vision has improved by 60-70%! I was grinning from ear to ear as the MD was talking. This was just fantastic news!

The MD told us there were three scenario:

- we didn't patch him, as instructed, and his vision and drifting got worse = surgery

- we patched him, his vision improved but his drifting got worse = surgery

- we patched him, his vision improved and his drifting got better = continue the therapy for 4 months.

Ben is the last scenario. We are to continue to patch for 4 hours a day for 4 more months. There is still a 50/50 chance of surgery, but I am praying that the therapy will work. Ben has been very receptive to patching, so there is rarely a fight. Steve and I, as well as grandparents when in their care, are all very stern on the therapy, so Ben knows there is no wiggle room with this.

And here is the latest picture of Ben...his eye looks great!

And for fun, the many patches of Ben:

Expectations

2011-07-22T19:47:00.000-04:00

Expectations.

When it comes to the life of a pilot, you have to roll with the punches a lot. We learn, to a certain extent, to not set our expectations too high. We have all had situations where we expected something, our expectations weren't met, and we got pissed/upset/hurt.

Changes in a schedule always sucks. With Steve being a line holder we don't have too many surprise trips that pop up, so it isn't often where Steve has to work when we aren't expecting it...which is the worst. If anything, he will get a trip bought back from him, which means he doesn't have to work, but still gets paid...which is the best.

It is the WORST to think that your pilot is coming home on Thursday, but doesn't make it until Friday because of weather. Or, to think that your pilot is coming home at 4p, just in time to head to a party, but due to a mechanical delay he isn't home until 10p which means missing the entire party.

At this point, I expect Steve to work on holidays, so when his schedule shows a 4-day that spans over Christmas it doesn't sting too badly.

Rolling with the punches is one thing, but I find that when you expect one thing, but another thing happens, every emotion is magnified that much more.

*****
I have mentioned before that the day Steve gets home from a trip there is an air of excitement. I usually straighten up the house and sweep the floors. I try to have some food prepared that will satisfy a hungry belly, especially one that has been away for a couple days. Ok, sometimes I will cheat and get take out, but dinner at home is still dinner at home.

Steve just got back from a 5-day trip. That was a long trip. The kids and I had a busy weekend, so the time went by quickly for us. Well, Ben got a bug and barfed on the way to school on Monday, so we had a quick change of plans. CC went off to school, and I stayed home with my little patient.

I was glad to have Steve coming home. I was looking forward to us sitting on the porch after all was settled, drinking beer, and just talking about the weekend. I always like this time after trips...we don't/can't always talk that much during a trip, so that talking time is nice to catch up and reconnect.

Steve flight arrived about 10 minutes early. Steve called to tell us he was in his car. ETA 30 minutes. Ben and I waited outside the last 10 minutes while we waited for his silver car to come down the hill.

We spotted a silver car coming down the hill. Daddy was home!

Ben always lights up when Daddy comes home after a trip. What a warm fuzzy to see your son so excited to see his Daddy, and to listen to him talk and talk and talk and talk about everything. Ben and Steve spent about 1/2 hour together and then it was Ben's bedtime.

Meanwhile I was relaxing in the toy room watching Sex and the City.

Steve was done with Ben, came down the stairs, and in a huff said "Ben doesn't know his numbers!" Apparently they were reading a book and Ben wasn't showcasing his knowledge.

Buzz kill.

Steve continues to remark that Ben should know his numbers by now. As a side, Ben does know his numbers, mostly. Sure, he gets a 6 and 9 mixed up, and sometimes thinks an 8 is a 0, but he is THREE. With each word that Steve spoke, the more the buzz was killed.

Steve went into the kitchen and invited me join him on the porch. Um, that isn't gonna happen.

*****

I have mentioned it before, and it has happened again. Sometimes you want your pilot to go back where he came from. Like the blog post before, I was having all the lovey-dovey thoughts about spending a nice evening with him - reconnecting. And then a buzz kill happens.

This is all about expectations. I set my expectations too high. I kept having all these dreamy thoughts about having a nice evening with him, and just one little huff totally flipped my switch. We all know men and women are different. When my switch is flipped, when any women's switch is flipped, it takes time to flip it back. Men can flip in no time. Men don't understand that this takes time for a women.

Steve kept saying "please don't start my days home like this." Hey buddy, you are the one that started this. However, damage was done.

Within an hour or so I was okay. I did proceed to have a major breakdown later in the evening, but that is a whole different story. Hell, I am sure after that breakdown Steve was probably wishing that he was going back to where he came him...for his sake.

If I set my expectations low, I suppose anything will be better than the low, which would be nice. But, I would rather have dreamy thoughts about Steve, instead of thinking he is going to come home in a huff. I guess I will get this buzz kill every once in a while, and deal. Just another thing that is part of the lifestyle...

were you sleeping?

2011-07-19T10:49:00.000-04:00

I was making a phone call to Steve, who was somewhere on his 5-day trip that took him to California and Hawaii, around 4pm my time. We spent the weekend with my parents, so I was just touching base. Keep in mind that this type of trip is a bitch. Not only does it have two red-eyes, but it also deals with multiple time zones. During these trips I don't know where Steve is or when he is sleeping.

*****

ring, ring, ring...

"hello?" he answers with a sleepy voice.

"were you sleeping?" I ask. "Yes" he answered, still sleepy.

"ok, well just call me later when you are awake" I told him. We hung up. Crap.

*****

I hate, hate, hate when I wake him up, especially when I call just to chat and see what he is up to.

He called back about 20 minutes. Turns out he was, in fact, sleeping in preparation for a red-eye. Double crap...sleep is important, especially for a red-eye. He was to wake up right around the time I called, so it wasn't all that bad. But, I still feel like badly when I wake him up.

Everyone loves sleep...and I just hate to be the one to disturb it.

Birthday and Cupcakes

2011-07-13T11:47:00.000-04:00

Cecilia's birthday was yesterday.

Last year Steve missed her birthday. This year, Steve was home to celebrate! It really is the little things in life that matter most. The kids and I got home from work and school, we went out for pizza, then we got home to play with CC's new water toy, and then we ate cupcakes!

He flew through EWR yesterday morning, and stopped for some delicious cupcakes at Crumbs Bake Shop.

CC loves all food, and that includes cupcakes.

The grasshopper cupcake was delicious, with a nice mint flavored icing. Oh, not to mention the icing in the middle of the cake itself. The smores cupcake was also just as tasty.

If there are any pilots out there reading this who happen to be traveling through the EWR airport, stop by Crumbs, drop $4 on the counter, and bring home a piece of heaven to your spouse. She will be one happy women when you get home.

his favorite captains

2011-07-10T20:57:00.000-04:00

Steve and I are going to fabulous Las Vegas in a couple weeks...without the kids! We even have revenue tickets for our flights...yes folks, you heard that right. Steve is paying $400 to wear flip flops and to drink a beer in the terminal before the flight (his words, not mine). Although, I will bet that he still does take his work ID, you know, just in case.

The other night we were talking about options of what we should do while in Vegas. Of course, we talked about dining options. Steve mentioned this Hole in the Wall place. Apparently, it is a hot stop for airline crews. I have nothing against this place, but we won't be going there. Try new! Plus, I am sure that Steve would rather not be reminded of work while on vacation.

Talk of this restaurant reminded Steve of Captain A. You see, Captain A's wife was on Steve's last flight in LAS, so it was a natural reminder. I never heard about Captain A before, but apparently he is one of Steve's favorite Captains to fly with. Why? He reminds him of his childhood friend. Honest to goodness, usually I get a little detail about Steve's favorite CAs, but I never heard of him before. Yes, Steve really does talk about work that much with me.

We started to talk about other CAs he likes to fly with. He likes to fly with Captain B also. Captain B reminds him of his brother-in-law.

See a trend here?

Then, Steve mentioned that his other favorite CA is Captain C. And who is Captain C's match? ME!!!! Apparently, Captain C is very extroverted and likes to talk to everyone. Side story: during one trip with Captain C, Steve was on the treadmill in the hotel gym, wearing a t-shirt with my college alma mater, and a man struck up a conversation with Steve. Turns out this guy was a FA for the same airline. Once the FA was told that Steve was flying with Captain C, the FA was all "oh my gosh...great guy...such a good guy to work with...tell him I said hello." I guess this CA is just a really nice, genuine guy.

He also made note of Captain D. Captain D doesn't really remind him of anyone specifically, per se, but everyone just likes Captain D. Captain D is the guy that everyone just wants to fly with and hang with...trips are fun, overnights are fun, ect.

******

I have never met any of these CAs mentioned above. But, what is my take from all this? In Steve's world of traveling all the time and seeing different beds every night and stepping foot in multiple cities a day, maybe these connections to home is what grounds him, pardon the pun. Maybe this is his way to make work more bearable and more fun.

After work every day, I have 'my world' to go back to: my kids, my neighborhood, my house, my bed. Steve has: his suitcase. So, maybe these connections to 'his world' helps get him through trips just a bit easier.

And you other pilots wives out there reading this: ask your husband about this, and we will see if this is something only Steve does, or something all pilots do.

I miss you already

2011-07-06T09:51:00.000-04:00

Steve left for a trip.

Not 5 hours later I missed him like crazy.

This doesn't always happen, so don't think that I am lovey-dovey, oooey-gooey all the time with him.

I miss him a lot like this when the kids and I have a really fun time doing this or that, and he misses it. These feelings also happen a lot around holidays.

*****
The afternoon Steve left for a trip, we went to my aunt's house so Ben and CC could play with their cousins. Later on we went swimming. We had a great afternoon...and Steve missed it all.

Here is a video of Ben swimming around. We got him a new swimming vest thing, and he really took to it. I took this video and sent it to Steve so that he could see it. See, these are the things I do to keep Steve in the loop with what is going on, and so he doesn't miss out on things. Sorry it is sideways, but I can't figure out how to rotate it.

We ended the evening around 7:30p. I loaded the kids in the car and within 10 minutes they were both asleep. I had about 30 minutes of peace and quiet...and boy do thoughts swim around in your head during those quiet moments. Surrounded by so many people all day long, and I missed Steve already...and he just left not a couple hours earlier.

Maybe it was because it was a holiday weekend? Probably. Holidays are all about family and fun and togetherness...and you can't be together when one is working. Maybe it was because his time off went by in a flash, and I didn't get my fill of him being around? Maybe I just plain missed him?

*****

The loneliness you can feel is such a unique emotion. I was having fun with the kids and my family, and when you are busy you think about the task at hand. But then you have a second to think, you can have this feeling of loneliness that almost hurts. It is like a void in your soul. It is like there is a pit on your chest...an ache...that just wishes he was home...wishes that he could have had fun swimmming with us...

I don't necessarily believe in soul mates. Maybe it is because I haven't met mine? But, when you have these feelings of loneliness, you know who your other half is...you know who completes the family unit. I would have given so much to have Steve join us that afternoon.

I am sure that our relationship is the way it is because he is gone so much. So, if he were home all the time then our dynamic would be different, and this absence thing wouldn't make the heart grow fonder. I wouldn't change the way things are, if it means that Steve and I have the relationship we do have.

*****

The thing I am sure of, is that the kids don't miss Steve the way I do...and that is a good thing! "Reality is the world in which you are born" (thank you Truman Show for that one) So, the kids think that Daddy being gone is normal. And that is a good thing! Heck, I am sure they think that all Daddys are gone 4 days a week. Just like Steve thought that all parents didn't work summers, just as it was with his parents we were school teachers.

We are going swimming again on Friday. Steve will be with us. I will cherish his time with us, as I am sure the kids will too.

The things I do

2011-06-30T09:26:00.000-04:00

2:00am: Steve climbed into bed. His midnight arrival was delayed by 45 minutes. By the time he got on the parking lot shuttle, in his car, drove home, and decompressed, he finally made it into bed.

6:00am: Ben crawled into our bed. This is a typical morning routine. We snuggle and we fall back asleep.

6:40am: Lexi opens the door into CC's room. This woke her. Damn it Lexi, why do you get so antsy in the mornings?!

6:41a: CC screams at the top of her lungs...over and over..."DOG! DOG! DOG!"

6:42am: Steve cries "why can't this child sleep in. I went to bed at 2am, for goodness sake"

Two options here: #1 I let Steve get her. This is my day to sleep in a little bit. I shouldn't have to get up on my day. But, he did get in late. #2 He is a crabby ass when he doesn't get sleep, and he would be in a mood all morning. I could be the good wife and let him sleep in a bit. His love language is acts of kindness, so this good deed would fill this love tank. What to do? What to do?

6:42am: I get out of bed and get CC.

7:15am: I woke Steve up and told him I needed him to come down in 5 minutes so that I could get ready for work. He told me I was "the best."

The things I do...

confessions of a pilot wife, part I

2011-06-29T20:54:00.000-04:00

Confessions of a pilot wife:

** sometimes when Steve is gone, we just have crackers, egg salad, apples and cheese for dinner. simple is good, and sometime simple is all I can manage.

** sometimes when Steve is gone, I will put the kids down 20 minutes early so I can have that extra 20 minutes of peace and quiet at the end of the night.

** most times when Steve is gone I go to bed when it is still light out, because my bed is a cozy place and I relax best there.

** sometimes when Steve is gone, I am glad that I have complete control over the remote so I can watch whatever I want: yes that is Golden Girls, my ultimate favorite show...the original Sex and the City

** most times when I have complete control of the remote, I would rather give up that control to have Steve home.

** sometimes I see that Steve is calling me, but I don't answer the phone. As extroverted as I am, I am not always a phone person.

** sometimes on weekends when Steve is working we go to places like McDonald's playplace and the ice cream shop for a little treat...and a way to occupy two young kids:

** sometimes I have no idea where Steve is. If I don't map out his trip in my mind when he tells me the details, I forget...which makes me ask him where he is every time he calls me

** sometimes when Steve gets home, it takes a full day for him to adjust to my schedule with the kids

** sometimes when Steve is gone, I miss him so much it hurts. Like on a perfect summer night, when the sun is behind all the tree and the world is cooling down, and there is a slight breeze in the air. All I want to do is sit on the porch and enjoy the outside, listening to the birds, watching the world go by, beer in hand, but it isn't the same when you are alone...

** sometimes I wish we had a normal life where he is home every night.

** every night Steve is home, he puts the kids down. He gets 3-4 nights off a week from putting the kids down, and I should too!

** sometimes I will listen for Steve on the radio, on ATC websites, and if I hear him I giggle like a school girl.

part II coming soon...

The Type A Pilot

2011-06-26T21:35:00.000-04:00

One would think that after being with a pilot for so long, we wouldn't come across any new issues.

Well folks, we came across a new issue. Maybe the issue has been around lately, but this issue has just been coming up again and again lately.

The general theme of this post is about pilots and their type A personalities....and how it trickles down to me, the wife.

********

According to Wikipedia, Type A is:

an individual as ambitious, aggressive, business-like, controlling, highly competitive, impatient, preoccupied with his or her status, time-conscious, and tightly-wound. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.

Pilots, generally speaking, are Type A. In fact, they even have to take special training (CRM) to address good communication in the cockpit, since two Type A people may not always work well together.

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Steve and I have had conversations in the past about Type A. I usually don't see his Type A personality at home. His response to it is "I know where to step back, and let you lead." Good man.

Well folks, I have been seeing his type A personality come out pretty good lately.

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A couple weeks ago (rememeber when I had pink eye), I stayed home that day from work and was able to get the house really straightened up and cleaned. During that trip, I had also made and installed a screen in the powder room

and installed magnetic door stops in the mudroom so that the doors don't slam shut when a stiff breeze comes through.

These were just little shit things that needed done, but Steve never got around to it. I am not razzing him, it is just that there isn't enough hours in the day when he is home.

So, that day he gets home from work. Anticipation usually fills the house the day Steve gets home. I was looking forward to him getting home...I had done some projects, the house was clean, the weather was beautiful and I just needed some relief after a pretty hectic couple of days.

He walks in the house. I know to back off when he gets in the door. He walks right upstairs, puts his bag away, changes out of his uniform, and then usually goes into the kitchen to eat something. I was following him like a lost puppy dog during this routine.

After a bit I showed him everything I did. The only thing he said to me was "these door stops aren't going to hold. (Then he gives them a strong wiggle-wiggle). See, after a while, these are just going to snap off."

Hear that wind come out of my sails?

And this is where the Type A thing comes in. This needed done, yet he wasn't doing it. I am home 4 more days a week than he is, so I was sick of hearing the door slam shut. I did what I did, as best as I could...but, it wasn't to his standard.

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Our anniversary is June 21. I usually like to get Steve a nice gift. I like to think of myself as a thoughtful person when it comes to gift giving, and I like to get something that is special.

This year I had our handy-man-can-do-anything, Jerry, install the surround sound in our family room. You see, we had it set up in the basement at our old house, but since the move it was just sitting in the basement, in a box.

Why waste a couple hundred dollar system?! So, I had Jerry install it during one of Steve's trip. I thought Steve would love it. One more thing off his honey-do list. And plus, the surround system really is awesome!

We had some pretty substantial things done at the house during that trip. We got a new sidewalk:

and we had mulch delivered to finally start getting the garden beds in order.

Steve pulled in the driveway and looked at everything outside. Meanwhile, I ran inside and put in Top Gun, on blu-ray, and cranked the sound. I was beaming. Steve finally walked inside and, of course, noticed that the surround system was installed.

He was appreciative of it, but he did criticize it. He would have liked the wires buried in the wall, instead of just hidden by trim. He would have liked the speakers hung on the brackets and pointed down, instead of just mounted straight on the wall.

Hear that wind leaving, again?

Type A in full force.

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Here is something that I am sure a lot of pilots battle with: not having enough hours in the day to get shit done at home. But, being a homeowner means that there is always something TO be done. Being a Type A homeowner, one would want to do everything themselves, to their standards. But again, there isn't enough time.

Steve knew I was deflated. Steve made up for it. Steve really does love the surround system, after a couple tweeks. Steve has not once mentioned the door stops, and won't probably until they break. Steve tells me he appreciates me and the things I do. It is all good...but, sometimes criticisms do sting. At least, I feel the sting.

Packing Food for Trips

2011-06-23T10:53:00.000-04:00

I am having the hardest time replying to comments right now, for some reason. So, in response to a question in the comments I figured I would make a whole post about it. Thanks for the question, Camille!

Food at airports isn't cheap. Food at hotels isn't cheap. Crew members, at least at Steve's airline, no longer get meals during flights. Steve refuses to buy a meal on a plane, which is a principle thing more than anything. Pilot salaries isn't always the highest. Yes, a pilot gets per diem, but per diem still isn't always enough. A man has to eat.

Steve packs food on his trips. Call him cheap, call him whatever, but it works. Steve is also training for a marathon, so he is able to pack foods that are healthy and good for him. Steve will, however, eat dinners out if the layover allows for it. I think that is one meal that he doesn't worry about spending money on. He may even have a drink or two as well.

So, what does Steve pack on trips? Here are his staples:
- peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Make sure that you apply peanut butter on both sides of the bread so that the bread stays softer, longer.

- fruit. Steve always takes apples or oranges. They aren't too messy. They travel well, and don't bruise easily. Plus, I can buy 3 pounds of apples for $3, where you can buy one apple at an airport for $1.19.

- trail mix. Nuts and dried fruit is filling, easy to pack, and good for you.

- protein bars (I eat these too). We aren't brand loyal to these, but I usually get them at Aldi or South Beach bars at Big Lots. Big Lots is the best place to buy these. Instead of paying about $2 a bar at Target, they are around $.75 to $1 each at Big Lots.

- microwavable meals, like noodles in a bowl. These aren't the healthiest option for you, but when push comes to shove they work. These are great for short overnights with reduced rest and early shows. The last thing Steve wants to do when he gets into a hotel room, which he has to leave again in 7 hours, is sit at a restaurant waiting for food. He just wants to fill his belly and go to sleep.

- oatmeal packets. Just add hot water, and presto! Instant breakfast.

Those are the staples, and usually what he packs. He does carry a lunch box/cooler thing. He alternates between a playmate (I think) one that is red and black, and a Royal Caribbean one we got on a cruise. Both are somewhat sizable that has straps, so he can just hook it on my his roll-aboard and off he goes.

Joanna, I am working on 3 hours of sleep

2011-06-23T09:45:00.000-04:00

Steve got in yesterday morning from a red-eye. To sound very junior-highish, and to repeat something that I have said before, red-eyes suck!

The kids were at school yesterday, so Steve had the house to himself all day. He only slept a couple hours after he settled in. He called me in the afternoon and told me this. I was expecting the evening to be wasted since he would be so out of it.

When we got home, Steve had already run 3 miles, and he was mowing he grass. So far so good! After doing our normal evening stuff, he put CC down and must have been on some high from his run, or something, and started to really straightened up the house.

While Steve was cleaning, I was in the toy room watching Dirty Dancing, and Ben was in the family room watching Blues Clues while eating tortilla chips. He gets his loves for all things salty and crunchy from his mama.

Give a 3-year-old a bowl of chips and crumbs are bound to happen.

Steve saw this...uh-oh!

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I have made it very known that I am controlling. So, I want to be the one to parent the kids, but I know better. When Steve is home I really try my best to let him parent the kids to balance out our roles. If I feel it necessary I will whisper something to Steve and give him a suggestion on this or that. Usually, he is pretty responsive to it. After all, I am really the one with the kids the most, so I know what works and what doesn't work. When I whisper suggestions, it is because I want to cut right to the "it works" approach.

We follow the Love and Logic approach. For anyone looking for parenting advice, I HIGHLY recommend this!! I am serious. The basis is to let your kid make choices, while within your boundaries. I could go on and on about it, but I won't right now. I know it works and I use it as much as I can, and Steve does it sometimes. I am consistent with it, he isn't always. Not to raz him, but it is totally a function of me doing it every single day, and Steve doing it when he is home. So, he is out of practice a bit at first, and I have to remind him.

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Steve started to clean up the crumbs. I told him to stop. Ben made the mess, Ben is a big boy, and Ben can clean up the mess.

Steve looked at Ben and said something to the effect of "Ben, clean up your mess before Blues Clues." I whispered "give him a choice." I knew, from his tone, that Steve was not in the right mindset to work through this issue.

Steve looked at me and said "Joanna, I am working on 3 hours of sleep here."

And I just told him that I would take over, and he can go put lime on the grass. Parenting is a tandem thing, and if one of you is off the other is probably on. And Steve was off due to the red-eye, so I had to step in.

Ben made the choice of cleaning up the crumbs with the vacuum, over a dish rag.

He then watched one more episode of Blues Clues, and then Daddy tucked him in for the night.