To upgrade or not?

 Hello? Is this thing on?

Anyone still out there?

I've been blogging for 10 years, yet I failed to post in over a year. Truth be told, I didn't have much to blog about. Covid was, and still is, a hazy time warp. Overall, life is good, albeit a bit covid weird. My anxiety has been a beast lately, and creativity hasn't really been flowing. The kids are good, work is good, health is good, so basically nothing blog-worthy.

Blogging usually starts with a spark, and a recent dialogue has given me that spark to write. The topic? Upgrading. 

Couple points: Steve is a mainline FO. He doesn't commute to work. He works about 12 days a month. He's been consistently getting the schedule he wants. Life is good. I also want to make that point that I work, and most definitely contribute to our finances, which is certainly part of the conversation. 

Steve and I have a casual conversation a couple times a year about the next steps in his flying...equipment, base, ect. We've always said that we will stay put until the kids graduate high school. No budging on that one. Once they head to college, we will have more flex with moving when that time comes. He's once declared his next "ride" will be the 787. Who knows.

A couple weeks ago Steve mentioned something about captain vacancy bids in his base. He pretty much dismissed it because he knew he would be bottom of the seniority list, meaning reserve and working a ton and not getting holidays off. His mention was in passing, and his tone gave me the strong impression that his decision was already made. He's the one gone all the time...if he has his mind made, then there isn't much I can do. 

Ah, but just last week, more captain vacancies popped up. We never thought this would be a possibility...this was never part of the casual conversation. The conversation about his base was more that it would close, not give this sort of possibility at this time. With this shift in conversation, upgrade talk started to gain traction. Reserve was still likely, and working more was still an absolute. We talked money and tax brackets. We talked about schedules and vacations. I figured that if we had lived through missed holidays before than we could live through them again.

This decision was going to be ours together. A lot of times when it comes to his job I usually offer support to whatever decision Steve comes to. If he picks up a trip, I will manage the house. If he upgrades, well, I will do my best to make the kids not feel the absence. Truth be told, at first I was thinking Steve would be a fool to not upgrade. The pay increase is a very delicious carrot that was dangling in front of me. 

The upgrade conversation happened here and there over the last couple days. You can't have this kind of conversation in just one sitting... we talked around the kitchen island...in the bathroom while brushing teeth at night...on the couch in our basement this past Saturday, drunk, as Successions was paused on HBO. 

I have to add some backstory about Saturday. Our 14 year old is very active in his boy scout troop. This weekend was "Christmas Cabin" where the scouts all cook a delicious meal for the families and put on some skits. It's a tradition and a really good memory. For perspective sake, if Steve upgraded he would have likely missed Christmas Cabin this year. 

To add more to the backstory, Steve is an introvert. Hard core. People are often surprised by this because he manages social situations like an extrovert (little do people know if they think social interaction is the only way to define an introvert or extrovert). Our son, too, is an introvert and is still learning how to navigate those social waters. Another attribute that comes with my son is that he is an old soul. He doesn't tolerate the immature behavior that comes with being a teenager, so he often finds himself distracted and frustrated in group social settings with people he doesn't know well and doesn't like. In an effort to help our son navigate this all, Steve started reading "Quiet, The Power of Introverts in a World that Can't Stop Talking" Low and behold, Steve is learning about himself a bit more, too. 

During the upgrade conversations, he was sure to share some wisdom from the book. Introverts recharge in their safe space. Our home is very much Steve's safe space. Family is also his safe space. With the author's words in front of Steve's eyeballs, he understood how important it is for him to be at home surrounded by family, especially during the holidays. Steve expressed how lonely it is to be on the road for Christmas, knowing that the kids and I were surrounded by family. Because of Steve's nature, being absent during those family moments were quite hard on him. Ultimately, he "paid his dues" years ago...he doesn't want to do that again. 

My mother died suddenly 3 years ago. Steve's father passed away about 1 1/2 years ago. After you lose someone so precious to you, you realize how fragile life is. You realize how moments and events become the memories of our life. You realize how precious those moments and memories really are. The kids are 12 and 14 years old. In a short number of years the kids will be off to college, and the dynamic will change. Now is the time to be together as best we can. 

So there, late Saturday night, drunk on wine, Steve and I decided he wasn't going to upgrade. What was the final part of the conversation? On Steve's death bed, he wouldn't remember the money from the upgrade, but he would remember going to Ben's Christmas Cabin year after year. 

The decision instantly felt right. So much so, that after it was said, basically in unison, we didn't mention it again, and probably never will.

So, there you have it, Steve will stay where he is. Memories and moments with the kids are more important than money right now. I know there are pilots out there that must fly the biggest equipment. I know there are pilots that must make bank. But, that's isn't Steve. He does his job well, provides for his family, and loves on us hard. Gives me warm fuzzies knowing home is where he wants to be. 

I recognize that we are fortunate to be in the position to make the decision for Steve to keep a bad-ass schedule for the time being. I'm not shaming anyone for making other choices about equipment or upgrading. I recognize we are all different, and ultimately we make the best decision for our family. 

Chances are I won't be blogging again before Christmas. Wishing everyone a peaceful and joyful holiday season. May your days be filled with warm memories, and moments that bring you joy.