mile high club

Since I mentioned the mile high club in my last post, I thought I should mention one of the most outrageous flights I ever had. OK, so this whole mile high club...I just don't get it.  Maybe it is because I have a husband who would laugh at me if I ever suggested such a thing (have you been in an airplane lav lately), but I just don't see the appeal to it what-so-ever!

A couple of years ago I had a day-trip out to ORD for work.  I was flying with my boss and we were on a RJ.  He was up front somewhere and I was back around the wings somewhere, in the A (solo) seat.  Low and behold, the woman who I noticed in the terminal not 60 minutes earlier was not sitting next to me. I notice people.

Let me set the picture: 6:15am, Tuesday morning, October in the Midwest, me in a business suit, as was most every other person in the airport.  She: oh, let's name her Candy, mid-forties, tight jeans, silky cami top, strappy heals, frosted hair.  If I saw her in a bar I may have called her "cute", but seeing her at 6:15am on a Tuesday at an airport, I called her "out of place."

So, Candy sits next to me, with only an aisle separating us.  Her traveling companion was sitting in the window seat: mid forties, bald on top with the ring of hair around his head, boring.  I forget what he was wearing...again, he was boring. Let's name him Bob.

The flight to ORD was a short 1 hour or so.  We boarded, took off, and everything is fine...until Candy starts in on Bob.  At first I thought nothing of it.  I think she was kissing his neck or something.  I sort of noticed it, but didn't.  "Whatever," I was thinking to myself.  Then she started going to town.  I would like to keep this a PG blog, so I won't go into too much detail.  All I will say is that her hand was being put to good use. And thank goodness for that blanket, otherwise I would have seen his bits. Note: NEVER use those blankets unless you unwrap them from the plastic yourself!  I am embarrassed to say what she did next, which I don't know why since I wasn't the one doing the act. She started to give him a blowjob...head in his lap...the whole thing.  It really was somewhat traumatic for me.  If I wanted to watch porn I would have done so through my own means.

As I mentioned the flight was just an hour.  Candy started about 20 minutes into the flight, and she didn't stop until the landing gear came down.  The sound of that landing gear couldn't have some enough.  The entire flight was MISERABLE!  I mean, miserable. Here I am, the only one that can see this.  The plane was packed full of 50 passengers.  I didn't want to make a scene, but boy was I getting a show.

In that 40 minutes, or so, I had lots to think about.  Here were my options as I saw them:
#1: stare at them.  First off, I was finding the situation revolting, so I am not sure I could have even looked at them.  Second off, they are obviously into this shit and they may have enjoyed me looking at them
#2: tell the FA.  Ah, but how would I do that?  Again, the plane was packed.  If I walked 10 rows up to tell her it would have been obvious that I was ratting on them.  Do I hit my call button and hand her a note? Maybe she would think I wasn't serious and just a pervert.
#3: do nothing. 

And #3 is what I did.  You know what, no one was getting hurt here.  Yes, I was uncomfortable, but if I got the FA involved it may have been a lot more uncomfortable.  You know, those little tubes that are shooting through the air at 500 mph are small.  And what happens if Candy and Bob got hostile and did something to retaliate?  Was it really worth it? I took the easy road out and just tried to ignore it.

The flight touched down, Bob pulled his pants back up, and we all got off the plane.  And there you have Candy touching all the seat backs as she deplaned. Then she probably went into the terminal and touched everything in there...

I honestly could not get that trip out of my mind for a good couple weeks.  I just don't understand how anyone would be turned on in an airplane. Does anyone get turned on in a greyhound bus?  I don't think so!  Why would a plane be any different.  And who is the person that imagined this whole mile high club thing anyway?  Someone who obviously likes tight spaces and germs.

This couple obviously has no decency for fellow humans. They have no idea what my background is, and how their acts could impact me. What if I were raped? What if I were molested? What if I had sexual trauma in my past, which was brought to the forefront with their selfish and gross act. They couldn't even take it to the lav, but right next to me. Assholes.

And what about respect for airlines and crewmembers? Steve's job isn't to fly people around while they get their nut off. His job is to fly people, safely, from point A to point B. Have some respect for the pilots and flight attendants. Would Candy be sucking Bob off at the dining room table at Thanksgiving dinner ? I'm certain she wouldn't be. So then why the hell did she feel it appropriate to do it on a plane? She disrespected me, the crew members, and the airline.

So, there you have it folks, my experience with the mile high club.  And my three words that sums it up: get a room!

Oh, and Candy and Bob: if you are out are officially NOT members of the mile high club with that stunt. You are just gross and perverted!


  1. Wow! That is just wrong on so many levels!! The story made me laugh and totally disturbed me at the same time!

  2. I can laugh about it now, but it really was disturbing!

  3. This is hilarious. You had me laughing out loud. Thank you. I have had SO many Candy's on my flight. :)


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