Wednesday, November 10, 2010

sad trips

"Water, water, everywhere, Nor any drop to drink."

We all know this quote from The Rime of the Ancient Mariner, by Samuel Taylor Coleridge, right?  We all remember what this line is about, right?  Remember back to you junior high school days.  Or is it high school days?

I kept thinking about this line this past trip.  But, in my terms is goes something like "people people everywhere, but not a person to be with."

I have friends...I have family...I am surrounded by people all day.  I have a rather active life.  Yet, once the kids go down I can get a totally overwhelming feeling of being lonely.


For whatever reason, I was sad during the entirety of this trip.  Each night I would put the kids down and go into the family room to watch a little tv.  Our new house is bigger than our old one.  Our family room is much bigger than our old one, and it has a vaulted ceiling.  The space is rather large, which just exacerbates the lonely feeling.  I kept thinking to myself how lifeless the house is without Steve.  I kept looking towards the couch and thinking how much better it would be if Steve were home.  If he were home the house wouldn't be so silent...so lifeless.

Last night while I was in bed watching tv, I looked over to Steve's side of the bed and thought to myself how much better life would be, right at that moment, if he were next to me. Even if we weren't talking...even if he was on the computer and I was watching tv...just his presence would have made my world a little happier. I am talking about those comfortable silences where you don't have to say a word, and you feel like all is right in the world.  We take that for granted when we have it, and miss it terribly when it is gone.

Steve had a bitch of a trip in terms of talking on the phone.  He had a red-eye and a trans-con which got in super late (EWR to SFO that took 6 hours).  This relays into him not waking up until noon EST, or so.  Pair that with me being rather busy at work, so talking in the daytime isn't really easy.  We really haven't talked much this trip at all.  Maybe that is it? Maybe it is the time change?  Maybe I just miss him...because I do?

He gets home tonight...we will sit in the family room, drink a bottle of wine, and talk about the last four days.  That room will have life again.  We will go to bed, and both sides of the mattress will be filled...the bedroom won't be so lonely.  Life will be good. 

3 comments:

  1. Wow. I thought I was the only one that felt this way! At night after Ellie goes to sleep I feel sooo alone.

    Its hard for others to understand, but on holidays or at family get-togethers, I can be in a room full of people that love me and still feel completely alone. They dont understand that Josh is my other half, and my world just isnt complete or fully happy without him there.

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  2. sniff sniff...we are all alike, and all share the same feelings - for sure!

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