not always so strong

I like to think of myself as a strong woman, wife and mother.  Sometimes, I am not so strong.

We all go through peaks and valleys, and I think I am in a valley right now. I don't know what the cause is.  Hell, I went through the entire snowy winter being super mom and super wife (again, I like to think of it this way).  Now, the days are beautiful and the weather is nice and the days last forever.  Yet, I have the pits.

Really, what is going on?  I think a lot of it is my dear, beautiful, shiny star of a daughter, Cecilia.  She is the most wonderful kid, when all the stars are aligned.  But, she can also be the pits.

Just like Ben with his colic, Cecilia is just wearing on me and she is breaking me down.  I hate to say that, but it is true.  For heaven sake, I got pissed at Steve the other day since he just had to stop at the gas station to get a drink on our 2 1/2 hour drive to my parents.  We were only on the road for 45 minutes, and CC was sound asleep.  The stop caused CC to wake up and cry. 

Steve got back in the car, and CC was settled by that point.  I was pissed.  I knew the stop would wake her up, but I have to support Steve in this marathon training...and the drink was because he had a run earlier that day.  See, it is these little shit things that get to me. And they shouldn't.  But, they do.  

Steve was trying to make me really see that this was no big deal, which it really wasn't, but my response was "but, I deal with her 4 more days a week than you do."  Do-ah, never say that to your traveling husband...bad wife, bad wife.  It is almost like I think that any situation will turn into a major tantrum, so I feel like I need to prevent things. 

Now, how does this relate to bring a pilot wife?  I have to admit, I hate that Steve is away every.single.week and I am dealing with a moody almost 2-year-old.  Don't be a whiny bitch, don't be a whiny bitch.  The thought of him leaving for days is like a weight on my shoulders, thinking that I am going to have to deal with her all.the.time.  

We will get through this.  I know we will.  I know this is really a developmental stage she is going through right now.  She wants to communicate, but can't really yet.  When she does, it is great!  But, most of the time it is just screaming when she wants something.  She is also testing boundaries...and this one I will need to keep under control.  If I think this is hard now, it will only be harder the older she gets.

I am simply figuring her out.  She is figuring me out.  We will get it...eventually.  Until then, I just need to keep my cool, and Steve needs to pamper me like crazy when he gets home from trips.

My intention with this blog is to really focus on being the wife of a pilot, rather them being a mommy blog...and look what it has turned into lately.  But, all in all, being a pilot wife also means that I am a single mom part of the time.  There are hardships that come with that, and right now I am feeling those hardships pretty good.