Wednesday, July 6, 2011

I miss you already

Steve left for a trip.

Not 5 hours later I missed him like crazy.

This doesn't always happen, so don't think that I am lovey-dovey, oooey-gooey all the time with him. 

I miss him a lot like this when the kids and I have a really fun time doing this or that, and he misses it.  These feelings also happen a lot around holidays.

*****
The afternoon Steve left for a trip, we went to my aunt's house so Ben and CC could play with their cousins.  Later on we went swimming.  We had a great afternoon...and Steve missed it all.

Here is a video of Ben swimming around.  We got him a new swimming vest thing, and he really took to it.  I took this video and sent it to Steve so that he could see it.  See, these are the things I do to keep Steve in the loop with what is going on, and so he doesn't miss out on things.  Sorry it is sideways, but I can't figure out how to rotate it.


We ended the evening around 7:30p. I loaded the kids in the car and within 10 minutes they were both asleep.  I had about 30 minutes of peace and quiet...and boy do thoughts swim around in your head during those quiet moments.  Surrounded by so many people all day long, and I missed Steve already...and he just left not a couple hours earlier.

Maybe it was because it was a holiday weekend?  Probably.  Holidays are all about family and fun and togetherness...and you can't be together when one is working.  Maybe it was because his time off went by in a flash, and I didn't get my fill of him being around?  Maybe I just plain missed him?

*****

The loneliness you can feel is such a unique emotion.  I was having fun with the kids and my family, and when you are busy you think about the task at hand.  But then you have a second to think, you can have this feeling of loneliness that almost hurts.  It is like a void in your soul.  It is like there is a pit on your chest...an ache...that just wishes he was home...wishes that he could have had fun swimmming with us...

I don't necessarily believe in soul mates.  Maybe it is because I haven't met mine?  But, when you have these feelings of loneliness, you know who your other half is...you know who completes the family unit.  I would have given so much to have Steve join us that afternoon. 

I am sure that our relationship is the way it is because he is gone so much.  So, if he were home all the time then our dynamic would be different, and this absence thing wouldn't make the heart grow fonder.  I wouldn't change the way things are, if it means that Steve and I have the relationship we do have.

*****

The thing I am sure of, is that the kids don't miss Steve the way I do...and that is a good thing!  "Reality is the world in which you are born" (thank you Truman Show for that one)  So, the kids think that Daddy being gone is normal.  And that is a good thing!  Heck, I am sure they think that all Daddys are gone 4 days a week. Just like Steve thought that all parents didn't work summers, just as it was with his parents we were school teachers.

We are going swimming again on Friday.  Steve will be with us.  I will cherish his time with us, as I am sure the kids will too. 

2 comments:

  1. Ha ha ... I relate 110%. When my husband is gone not always but sometimes I miss him so much it is almost like physical pain. I don't know what to say to make it better because I don't think anything can be said to make it better. I am glad Steve will be there with you guys on Friday to enjoy swiming:0)

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  2. I also relate! Some trips are harder than others... holidays and long weekends are the worst!

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