Three Testicles

Steve flies with a different Captain (CA) every trip.  Steve will fly with the same CA every once in a while, but after years and years he gets to know a good number of CAs at his base.  Plus, pilots talk so you get to know about other pilots through the gossip mill.

Steve was pretty quiet about this last CA.  He was from ATL, and commuted to a different base from Steve.  So, Steve didn't know this guy at all when the trip started.  And when the 4-day trip ended, he still didn't know much about this guy.  I think it was day 3 of his 4-day when I asked "what do you guys talk about?" "I don't know" Steve said.  "Oh come on, you don't talk about anything?  Tell me one thing you talk about" I said. "I don't know.....home improvement" he said, sounding pissed.  Fine, I'll drop it.

This, my friends, astounds me.  In my world, this would never happen.  Just as an example, I went to the DDS on Friday and I started talking with a guy in the waiting room.  In the 8 minutes I was in there, I knew: how many kids he had, how old they were, and what they were doing.  We also talked about tv shows, fire alarms and just other regular chit-chat stuff. 

I like most people.  I find people interesting.  I think that people are the fabric of our lives and of cultures.  I want to talk to people.

Steve?  He doesn't give a shit about most people.  Wait, that sounds bad.  Let me rephrase that: he is a good friend to the people he wants to be friends with.  He is a compassionate person.  He is a friendly person.  He just doesn't put himself out there.  If he were the one in that waiting room, he would have pulled out his phone and browsed around the internet. He wouldn't have cared who was in that room. 

So, lets go back to this last CA.  One night after he got home from this trip we were sitting in the family room, drinking my new favorite beer Harp, and talking.  I wanted detail on said CA, and Steve just didn't have any detail.

"How do you not know if this guy has kids?" I asked in astonishment.

"JOANNA" he responds.  And I am going to keep it in caps lock purposefully to emphasis that Steve really was pissed at me.  "I DON'T KNOW HOW MANY KIDS HE HAS.  I DON'T KNOW IF HE HAS ONE WIFE OR DIVORCED FIVE TIMES. I DON'T KNOW IF HAS ONE TESTICLE OR THREE TESTICLES." 

Fine Steve.

He says I was pushing his buttons.  Maybe I was.  I just don't know how he can be with the same guy for 4 days and not know much about the dude at all. 

"Joanna, there is a reason I am in a cockpit with these guys...and it isn't to talk about personal stuff" he said.

I am now afraid to ask him about anyone that he flies with.  I know the CAs that he likes, and now that I am thinking about it he was the one to volunteer the information on these guys.  I should remember that if he doesn't talk much about his CA, then I shouldn't ask. 


  1. Hahaha, the title of this post kinda scared me! My husband is the EXACT same way! I agree, I would know the guy's life story if you put me in a confined space with him for a couple days. All I get is whether he's a jerk or not and some stories about actual flight stuff that happened (good landings, bad landings, FAA in the cockpit, etc). I too am still baffled about how he can get to know someone so little.

  2. I think this is mostly a guy thing, not necessarily a pilot thing. I did get to hear every detail about the "mouth breather" CA that never turns his microphone off. My pilot's nerves are frayed after listening to this guy breathing in his ear ALL DAY for 4 days straight.

  3. You and your husband sound similar to my husband and me. I read parts of this to my husband and he commented that another possibility is that your husband was in close proximity to an a**hole CA and didn't have anything nice to say about him.

  4. Brittney - and that is exactly why I chose that title :)

    Amber - the mouth breather is funny! Oh, and I totally get an earful about the CAs that he just doesn't get along with. He will even call me on the road to vent about him.

    Courtney - I don't think the guy was an ass, because he would have surely told me. I just think that they just stuck to the most basic topics: home stuff, sports, cars...and they guy was probably just a regular guy with nothing too exciting to say. The more people comment on my blog, the more I realize that we really are all alike :)


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