Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Bad Mom

The other night I shut the door to CC's room after saying our goodnights, and thought to myself 'bad mom.'

Steve was on a trip, so I was a single mom.  These are the moments that you hate being a pilot wife. There was no bailing out that night.  No opportunities for me to say "Steve, I am about to lose it...engage!"  It was all me.

I love CC more than anything.  Of course!  In her short 2 1/2 years I can already tell that she is very spirited.  She laughs a lot, and laughs hard.  I know this girl is going to live life to the fullest and truly love life.
 

She is also very stubborn and independent.  I will learn to love these traits as she gets older and be so proud of her tenacity and Independence, but right now these traits can eat at me.  Like, the other night.  I won't go into full details of the night, but let's just say that she is currently testing me and trying to push her boundaries.  I am trying my hardest to keep her IN her boundaries, which is not an easy job.  I truly understand that groundwork needs to be laid now for good behavior, so I will be persistent with this.  It is just so hard sometimes.

That night she didn't get books before bed, and our 'goodnight' were rather quick since she was crying and trying to get out of bed.  To boot, as I was tucking her under the covers she was crying saying "I want Daddy." Breaks my heart. I shut the door and thought to myself  that I could have done such a better job. Bad mom. I did kiss her and hug her and told her I loved her before I left, so I felt good in that respect.  But, I didn't have to be so abrupt and short with her while we were preparing for bedtime.

There are times when you can't be supermom, and that is okay...especially when the father of your children is a pilot.  I have blogged about this before and I will say it again: when your pilot is gone and you are flying solo, sometimes you just gotta do what you gotta do to survive.

Case in point, the other night we had ramen noodles for dinner.  Was it the best choice nutritionally?  Heavens, no!  But, I chose my battles.  I was going to make something more nutritious, but Ben got it in his head that he wanted ramen noodles and I didn't want a fight.  I chose not to fight that battle, at least not last night when I was flying solo.  When flying solo you chose what battle you want to fight, because we can't fight them all.

After both kids were down the other night, I went into the family room and got onto my iPad.  I got onto blogger, and what post did I see, but this: another pilot wife who is going through the exact same thing as me!  What a relief!  I am not alone in this.  Pilot wives live parallel lives, no question.  It is reassuring we are in this thing together. Being a pilot wife and having little ones isn't always an easy job.  Stay persistent and keep strong when the going gets rough.  We all have bad days, and that is okay...because tomorrow is a chance to start again...or maybe tomorrow is day 4 of a trip and your pilot gets home and you can unload on him and go get some retail therapy...

6 comments:

  1. Thats is a fantastic picture. Oh my, it brought a smile to my face.

    A couple weeks ago I got so frustrated I told Emily her daddy was never going to come home if she kept behaving badly. How horrible is that? Way for me to give her abandonment issues. Sometimes we all snap.

    You and Steve sound like you have a great partnership,and you take it all in stride.

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  2. How did Emily respond to that? Just curious. Yes, we all snap, no question! I snapped last night, by raising my voice. But, gheeez, you can only ask the kids to get out their pjs so many times...and when I did raise my voice they sure did spring into action.

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  3. Hey Joanna! I could've sworn I wrote here earlier. Anyway, I hope you don't mind if I follow along with your blog! I don't know how you do it when you have tough days with the kids when Steve is out of town. Makes me realize my days aren't really all that bad, because I always have Greg home in the evenings to help.

    Looking forward to following along with you!

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  4. Yes! Follow along!!!! The tough days really just make you stronger, when all is said and done. Plus, a little wine or beer here-and-there helps :)

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  5. Joanna, we have a CC in our home ... She turned 17 last week. I can still see her baby face under the beauty she has become ... Still see that iron will. I am so glad I let her live, though it might have been touch and go on occasion! Bad moments are part of it ... Some days are just five minutes too long!

    Looking for this Peace Corp stuff ...
    DeAnn

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  6. DeAnn - Oh, that is so fun you have a CC. Short for Cecilia? I love that, some days ARE just 5 minutes too long! :)

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