Thursday, April 26, 2012

Don't Ignore

This week is national infertility week.  The bloggers in the blogging world are spreading awareness by posting a "don't ignore" post.  This campaign is being organized by resolve.org

I know people personally and in the blogging world who are living with infertility.  Some women are family, some are friends, and some are internet friends.  I want to connect you to both Brittney and Emms.  I urge you to look at their "don't ignore" posts, since they are the ones that inspired me to post this today.  Both gals are pilot wives, which is how I connect with them.  I have been reading their blogs for a while, and feel like I know them. 

OK, let's get to the "don't ignore"...

Don't ignore the topic.  I wear my heart on my sleeve, and sometimes I say too much .  I find it therapeutic for me to get things out in the open at times.  It is my character to talk about things.  It is also my nature to help people.  If you are living with infertility, tell me.  If you are living with infertility, talk to me about it.  I won't be able to offer empathy, but I will offer sympathy and support and prayer.  If you are in my life, that means I care about you.  I care that you are living with this.  I care that you are hurting.  I care that your husband is hurting.  I want to help you, even if that means just offering an ear to listen, or a shoulder to cry on. 

Don't ignore yourself.  If you are mad, hit the table with your hand!  If you are sad, cry!  If you are pissed, scream!  If you need a break, take one!  If you need a beer, drink one!  Don't ignore you and your needs.  Don't lose yourself.  Take care of yourself.  Your mental, physical, and spiritual health is important.  Don't ignore you!

Don't ignore me.  Yes, I have kids. Yes, they are a big part of my life right now. Yes, I never lived with infertility, so I don't know what you are going through.  But, I am still your friend.  If it bothers you that I talk about my kids, tell me.  I will stop.  If I say something that stings, tell me.  I am a sensitive person, and I don't want my actions to hurt you.  You will not offend me if you tell me to stop.  I want to support you, and I will do whatever it takes to do so.  I am your friend and I want to be there for you.  It hurts when you distance yourself from me, or don't talk to me about something that is so critical in your life right now.  I like you. I may even love you.  I want to be there for you, and I want you to let me in your life.  Don't ignore me!

Don't ignore the life you have.  I hesitate to add this one, since I don't want it come off as insensitive.  I am really just trying to add my perspective.  Let me start by stating that if you are trying to get pregnant, that assumes that you have a man in your life.  Don't forget him, and the marriage you have.  The inspiration for this thought is a dear friend who is in his 30's, and not married.  As much as a women desperately wants a child, he desperately wants a wife. He also wants children, but there is a process that begins with step 1.  He wants that step 1 and to find that person to grow old with.  Remember that you have already found that person to grow old with.  Cherish your marriage.  Enjoy your marriage.  I am sure this may be a challenge when you ache for something so much, but try.  Don't forget the fun you have with your friends and your family.  You have people in your life that love you and care for you.  You have built a beautiful life.  Don't forget that.


Don't ignore a positive attitude, faith, and belief.  Life can be really rough at times. We have all experienced rough times in life, in whatever level of rough it may present itself.  Try to be positive.  It can help.  My grandmother was a wonderful example of being positive in life.  Surround yourself with things that make you happy.  Have faith!  Believe!  I know that when times are at their worst , you question the most.  It is easy fall in faith and belief.  Try to stay strong with it.  I watch Joel Olsteen at times, and I always like to repeat this (I am paraphrasing here since I don't know the direct quote): "what you think you want in your life in ordinary.  What God wants in your life is EXTRAordinary."  Have the faith and belief that your life will be EXTRAordinary!  I don't usually get all religious with people, but I do believe in God.  And when there are significant life issues that are effecting people, including infertility, I pray.  Know that I am praying for you. 





6 comments:

  1. Thanks for this Joanna :) I'm touched that you wrote about this even though it's not something you are having to go through- it means a lot. I also think you made some excellent points and observations. I really appreciate it!

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  2. I smiled the whole time I read this. It is so incredibly sweet for you to rexognize the importance of something like this that you haven't dealt with. Its amazing, sweet, caring. It reiterates to me why I started following your blog in the first place, because your a truely good person. Thank you for the good reminders!

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    1. I am glad I made you smile. Thank you for your kind words!

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  3. There are more than too many people in the world, and many thousands of them are babies available for adoption. It always amazes me that people can be so selfish as to go out of their way to have their own kids if it's difficult for their bodies to do that when there are so many already living that need a good home.

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    1. Have you ever tried to conceive a child and couldn't? Have you ever tried to adopt a child? Neither are always an easy thing to do.. Unless you have walked in these shoes, it is not easy to understand. Yes, adoption is a great option, no question. And I know a lot of couples living with infertility consider it, and even go on to adopt. Some don't. Not for me to judge. As a friend, I am to support the decision and efforts of my friends. If I have a personal conviction to save needy children, then I would do that within my family and adopt children myself. I think the worst thing you could do for a friend living with infertility is to call them selfish and not give them strength to rise above the struggle.

      Having said all that, I do appreciate your comment.

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