Tuesday, July 3, 2012

catching up

Sometimes when Steve is gone on a 4-day we don't talk all that much.  I am okay with that.  I think Steve is okay with that, too.  Maybe he has a crazy busy schedule; maybe he is being flown around 3 time zones and doesn't know up from down; maybe he just needs alone time and doesn't want to talk to me.  Maybe I have a crazy busy schedule; maybe I just need alone time and don't want to talk to him.  Steve really isn't the biggest talker on the phone.  He never has been.  On a chatty call, Steve will talk for only a couple minutes.  I am used to it.  I am okay with it.

The main reason I am okay with it is because we make up for the lost time when he is home.  The best way to make up for lost time is to make time for one another...one on one time.  Lately, this one-on-one time has been our screened porch at night, after the kids go down.  We light some candles (since our backyard is basically pitch black), turn on iTunes (my latest obsessions are Led Zeppelin, Hey Hey What Can I Do and The Lumineers, Ho Hey), and drink some beer. 
Steve is the slightly highlighted body sitting across the table. 


Last week we sat on the porch every night he was home.  It just felt...nice. 

When you make up for lost time like this, you talk about all the things that happened in your pilot's absence.  Since our kids are so young and growing by leaps and bounds each and every day, there is a lot to talk about.  There are so many details in life, and those details can so easily be forgotten to talk about.  So, by sitting down with Steve and taking the time to just relax and to just talk gives me the time to bring up all those little details.  If I don't share these details about the kids, then Steve would never get the details.  That is a lot of home life that could be missed.  I don't want that.  Even thought Steve is away from the kids 4 days a week, that doesn't mean he can't know the details during his absence.

In addition to timely matters, we also talk about stuff that isn't often discussed.  One night we even ventured into conversation about Steve's ex-girlfriend.  She was a big part of his life from high school into college, and he rarely talks about her.  He was over the whole situation by the time I came into the picture, so the relationship was no longer relevant to discuss.  Well, I was sharing with Steve a lunch table conversation I had at work, which then lead to him talking about her.  It was nice to hear him share his past like that, because I don't know all that much about it.  It is amazing how much you think you know someone, only to discover so much that you didn't know. 

Another night we were talking airplanes, which is usually a rarity for him.  Again, I was sharing a lunch table conversation about a co-worker that had a "near death" flight experience once.  He said that the plane went into a "stall" when they were landing.  I don't think it really was an aerodynamic stall, and I think my co-worker may have just been tossing that word around.  I actually understand a stall, to a certain degree, so I was questioning/challenging both my co-worker and Steve.  This lead to Steve talking about one of his experiences.  He was telling me that once they passed over a front and before they knew it they were above max altitude.  If this is the case, a bit of turbulence could make your stick shaker go off.  Of course, they descended and everything turned out to be just fine.  I am sure that after that leg I asked Steve "how was your flight?" and I am sure his response was probably "fine."  Sitting down during this catch-up time allowed Steve to open up about flight experiences, which is a rare treat for me.     

Taking time for one another really keeps you connected with your partner.  If a 4-day can disconnect you from your pilot, a simple hour or two conversation can make up for all that lost time.  These talks on the porch make me appreciate Steve's presence.  It makes me cherish the time we do have together.  I have said it before and I will say it again, absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Because Steve is gone so much, it makes his time home that much sweeter.  Because Steve is gone so much, it forces me to not take his time home for granted. 

After one of the nights on the porch, Steve and I gathered our items from the table and headed inside.  I opened the door into the kitchen and Steve told me it is nice to have these talks...and it is!  Make time to re-connect.  In our busy lives, it is important to turn the tv off and keep the phones away, to sit down with your partner and just talk....especially if your partner is gone so much. 


2 comments:

  1. When we moved into this house in May, we didn't have a TV for the living room (needed a new and bigger one for the space, but weren't ready to shell out the $$$). Every night we ended up turning on music to eat dinner and just talking...sometimes out on the new patio (we finally have outdoor space after years in a downtown condo!). Now that the TV is in place, I have to make an effort to remember to turn it off some nights so we can just mellow, enjoy the music and have some real conversation. Glad you're able to enjoy that, as well!

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    Replies
    1. "mellow" love that word! That is what it is!

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