Wanna take a guess at what attachment I am speaking of? You would probably guess right if you are a pilot wife....the kids and their attachment to me!
Here are some visuals of this attachment, for fun...
Florida's Gulf Coast, circa 2012. Picture time...guess what happens when Daddy tries to hold the little one? Tears.
What does a Mommy do to get a good picture? Hold both kids! No wonder my back is busted.
Niagara Falls, circa 2013. Mommy surely can't hold one without the other. Again, no wonder my back is busted!
The specific event that immediately made me think "oh, my next blog post!" is when we were sitting at church listening to the Homily. Cici was sitting on my lap, slumped over so my left arm was actually holding her head. Ben was sitting to my right, resting his head on my right shoulder. Steve was sitting to the right of Ben.
We were sitting like this for about five minutes, and then it hit me. I had this intense feeling of suffocation come over me. I was hot. Cici's body began to feel like 100 pounds. I just needed to not be touched by anyone. I gave Steve that "engage now" look. He jumped into action, offered his shoulder to Ben, but no luck. Ben wanted to stay touching me.
I sat there for the next several minutes drafting out this blog post, when I should have been paying attention to the Priest, the kids and their attachment to me.
I don't know if it is a pilot wife thing, or a Joanna thing, but I am rather controlling. Ok, maybe a lot controlling. I do all the shopping in the house, anything from food to clothes, I do all the cooking, ect. I do it all because I want the control of it.
Why do I want the control of things? Well, two reasons. The first reason is that 3-4 days a week I HAVE to be in control. When Steve is gone, it is all me 100% of the time. I need to have control, so that this family runs when Steve is gone. I think over the years the control I have when Steve is gone has just bled over into having control when Steve is home.
The other reason I like the control of things? Let me tell you about the kids Polish School Christmas Pageant last weekend. I was super-duper busy all last week and asked Steve to run out to Target to pick up toys for the pageant. Santa always makes a visit so parents are asked to buy a toy for their child, wrap it, and then Santa will hand out the present.
What would I have chosen for Ben? Maybe a little Power Rangers figure or maybe some pokeman cards. For Cici I would have got some coloring thing or maybe a barbie doll.
Wanna see what Steve got?
He got Minion dolls that are balls.
When Ben approached to show me what Santa brought for him, he looked less than thrilled. This is an example as to why I like to stay in control...because I know what they would LOVE and not just like. I want to add the fact that I am thankful that Steve got the gifts, because I really didn't have time and he really helped out. Steve was with a friend when they picked out the toys, and they both thought this was the best option out there as the other stuff was just "junk." Let it be know the minion balls were put to good use the next day, so the kids really grew to like the presents.
Yes, I like the control of things, especially when it comes to kids. So, perhaps over the years I have formed the family into thinking that Mommy is going to do it all. Remember, because I am a pilot wife I am the constant for the kids. Steve is a great Dad, and engaged when he is home. But, sometimes I think the kids, Steve, and I all fall into the mode of me doing it all. Most times it works when we are in that mode, but sometimes I get to a breaking point and just have too much. Sometimes I get incredibly overwhelmed.
When the kids go off to college, in a short 12 years, I am sure that I will look back at these years and love that I am so attached to the kids. I often talk about how the kids and I get along so well...how we are like three peas in a pod. Because it is the three of us a lot of the time, it is easy to understand this bond. We get each other - we know each other - we rely on one another. I am thankful for our bond, truly. But, sometimes this attachment is just too overwhelming, like the other day at church. But, at least those moments are fleeting, and the lasting memory is the tight bond we have with one another.