Fucking Flowers

Today is our wedding anniversary. 14 years.

When Steve got his June schedule he noted he would be working today. I noted that he would be spending a lot of money on having flowers delivered today.

Knowing he would be gone today, Steve and I exchanged gifts on Sunday, the eve before he left for this trip. Exchanging gifts on a random day is very typical for a pilot household, be it birthdays or anniversaries. Steve gifted me U2 concert tickets, and a night downtown. I gifted him a trip to the shooting range, which is something (shooting a gun) he has never done before.

In my head, we will celebrate our anniversary the evening of the concert. Today, this year around, is simply a date on a calendar.

Our anniversary is tomorrow. He'll be on the road. We'll celebrate another day #hardened #pilotwife

— Joanna (@comebackdaddy) June 21, 2017

Wednesdays are challenging for me at work. On this hump-day, I receive a lot of money for my clients. And with these clients, it's my job to post the money. I delegate a bit of the work out, but I handle most of it. It's a lot of numbers, for many hours. By noon-ish my brain hurts and I need to step away from my desk. It was about then that I thought more about not having received flowers in the office yet.

With every sound of the company door opening, I thought that maybe it was the flowers. With each person passing my office I looked up. Nothing. Did Steve really not send me flowers today?

Around 2:30 Steve called me. Note that I leave my office everyday at 3pm. He was just "checking in." He was in Chicago and got settled into his hotel for the rest of the day. When he was asking how my day was going, he lingered a bit....as if to say something.

"So, did you get anything delivered?" he asked.
"No."
"Well, you should have..."
"Well, they have, like, 30 minutes to deliver them if I get them today..."

Here is the breakdown of the flower order:
- Steve ordered the flowers on SATURDAY! (he certainly planned for this)
- Steve ordered the flowers through FTD, online.
- FTD guarantees the delivery between 9am to 5pm.
- Note, again, that I leave every day at 3p.

I left work at 3. I didn't have any flowers.

Steve sent me a couple texts about how sorry he was. This was after I ignored his phone call. It wasn't his fault the flowers weren't delivered when I was there. I told him it wasn't his fault. But, with any situation where you are feeling something, you want to blame someone. I wanted to blame Steve. Why couldn't he get this right? I told him he should have just placed a phone order with a local florist. He agreed.

I started my drive home from work defeated. Deflated. I had a thing come up at work that upset me, yet again, and I was down from that. And then no flowers. I told Steve I felt alone.

Feeling alone on your anniversary sucks. Welcome to the world of a pilot wife. 

I tried to control myself on my drive home, and I did until I got a text from a co-worker. It was a picture of the bouquet of flowers that were just delivered.

Stargazer lilies. My favorite. The centerpieces at our wedding. Steve did good.

That picture triggered the tears. Steve is so thoughtful. I went through two tissues. Work pissed me off. Flowers pissed me off. Typically I'm not so emotional, but I have been ready to start my period for the last week, it seems and it fucking sucks, so I really wasn't in a great state. I let it out for a good couple minutes, and then I had to get my shit together because I was coming home to the nanny and the kids.

I got home, happy as can be. It really is amazing how your kids can switch your bad-mood off, and put a smile on your face. I needed that.

The kids and I loaded into the car around 4p because I had to go to the chiropractor. After that we headed to an outdoor mall. I wanted to get a pair of new sandals, which I did. And a really cute cross-body bag. There is always a promise for the kids to feed the ducks when we go to this outdoor mall, and today was no exception.

There is a Mama duck with three babies in this picture.
Super-duper sweet.

Steve "checked in" here and there during our outing. I figured he was calling so much since he knew I was upset.

We then headed to Aldi. I love that store! My latest find are these most awesome chocolate wafers (made in Germany) that taste like Europe. I may buy them out of those next time I'm there, and I'm not even a sugar lover. We are headed to the lake this weekend, which means lots of sugar, carbs, and beer. Have you ever tried to cook a meal on a boat? Not so easy. While at the lake, I switch my "gotta eat nutritious foods" mode off, and turn on my "gotta eat foods that are easy and fast" mode on. Aldi is a great place, in general, and an even greater place to get "boat food."

After Aldi, and nearly three hours later, we finally made our way back home. I commanded the kids help with putting the groceries away once we got home. I needed their help. I was tired. I was hungry. My heart was still heavy.

I opened the car's back hatch and added one bag to the load I was already carrying, being my handbag and a cup of water. I greeted the dog as we entered the house, and then I placed my load on the kitchen island. I went back to the car for another load of grocery bags, which I then placed on the kitchen island. As I turned to head back to the car for yet another load, I stopped...

There was a bouquet of flowers laying on the kitchen counter, next to the sink. Red roses, with white hydrangeas.

I started crying. I stopped dead in my tracks, and just started crying. My cry, then, turned into that ugly cry.

You know how you sometimes carry that weight on your shoulders when something is in disarray? And then when the situation is resolved, you feel that weight lifted? Well, those flowers lifted that weight. My heart felt light. It was exactly what I needed to make things right. Despite a time zone and a couple thousand miles, Steve made me feel so special...and so loved. Those flowers made me no longer feel alone.

Ben had been helping me with bringing the bags in, and was in the kitchen when I saw the bouquet. As I cried, Ben was relating to the 'happy cry' thing, and shared some stories with me. It was very sweet. I think it's good when your children see you multi-dimensional like this.

After I placed the flowers in a vase, and put away all the frozen/refrigerated food, I called Steve. I opened the conversation with the fact that Ben saw me ugly cry. He knew exactly why I was calling. As I was recounting the chain of events to finding the bouquet, I started to cry again.

"It's just fucking flowers," I told him, trying to laugh through my tears. But the truth is, it's much more than just fucking flowers. I felt alone this afternoon. Like, really alone. Even though I know it wasn't Steve's fault for the late delivery, somehow it made me feel distant from him. I am way okay with this aviation lifestyle, and I like to think that I handle it pretty well, most times. But, today this one thing hit me *just* right.

Steve knew how down I was, and worked his magic to make it right. When I was driving home from work, he was running. While running he kept thinking how he can make this right. He had an idea.

He enlisted a friend to help him. Steve told said friend that the $80 bouquet that was delivered to my office today was now just a paper weight. Said friend totally understood, and jumped in to help. Said friend, and his daughter, delivered the goods while we were running errands. They entered through the garage door key-pad. Remember how Steve kept "checking in?" He was keeping tabs on us to help orchestrate this flower delivery.

this was the picture sent to Steve, showing the drop was successful

This anniversary, though apart, will go in the memory books for sure. I am reminded, once again, how lucky I am to be loved by my husband the way he loves me. And now, I think my favorite bouquet is red roses with white hydrangeas.