Friday, January 12, 2018

Fights

Fights. They are bound to happen with any couple. For the most part, Steve and I don't fight. Truth. We really are pretty even keel, and don't raise our voices. I grew up in a house that was very loud, to put it gently, and I never wanted that for my kids. But, we are human, and sometimes fights happen. As a matter of fact, we just ended one. It started about two weeks ago when I was nagging him about taking a different route while driving to my parents house. Our fight just ended this past weekend.

Keep in mind that he was on a 4-day over the fight. Nothing was reconciled while he was on his trip. This happens. Call it an occupational hazard. I don't mind. Frankly, I like the space his job provides us when we are at one another.

When he got in from his 4-day I asked that he pick Cici up from a birthday party. They didn't get home until late, which meant there wasn't time to talk. Come Saturday morning, Steve wanted to clear the air. I wasn't ready yet. He wanted an apology. I told him the incredibly powerful "fuck you". I wasn't ready. He told me it wasn't good for the kids to see us in an argument. And that is where I differ in thinking...I think it IS good for the kids to see us like this. I think it is important for our kids to know that we can have differences and can hurt one another...but, after time and proper resolve, everything can go back to normal. You fight. You forgive. You make up (which is the best part, right?!). You strengthen as a couple.

Marriage will have differences. But, the important thing is to work through those differences, and to come out better on the other side.

I bring up the fighting thing in my pilot wife blog for a reason. If you have been following my blog for a bit, you know that I talk a lot about the concept of love languages. Since my love language is physical touch, the whole pilot-wife thing can be hard because he isn't physically next to me all the time. Call it an occupational hazard. Or, if he is, he is too busy with this or that to give me the attention that I need. Which was the cause of this last fight. Steve is a good man, a good husband and father. Truly he is. But, sometimes I feel neglected.

Sometimes I feel badly for Steve and how busy he seems. At work he is obviously not doing stuff around the house. And when he is home he has to divide his time and attention to his home/honey-do list, kids, wife, friends, personal time. Add in a busy Christmas/New Year season and you see what I am getting at. With all the running around and the go-go-go, we got so focused on all those things that other things went neglected. Being neglected does not sit well with me. A therapists once said I had "abandonment issues". Perhaps I do. But, I think it boils down to the simple concept of the love tank and my need to have it full.

I put this out here as a reminder for all you couples out there...don't neglect one another. Don't take one another for granted. Know your partner's love language, and make sure their love tank is full. If her love language is gifts, bring her back something great from a trip. If her love language is words of affirmation, tell her how great she is doing with caring for your family and house when you are gone. If his love language is physical touch, welcome him home in a memorable way. I can almost bet that I am not the only pilot household that felt the impact of a busy holiday season.


***

My mom called me Sunday morning. We were pulling into the garage after breakfast out. I could tell in her tone that something was up.

My father immigrated from Poland in the 70's. His entire family is still there. I have a very large family there, as my father is one of seven. Two siblings have already passed. My uncle fell ill, and is in the hospital. The reason for my mom's call was two-fold: to give me the update, and to have Steve start looking for flights for my dad to get over there.

My father goes to Poland twice a year, and he always travels as a non-rev. I always vocalize the fact that he is damn lucky that his daughter married a pilot. I would say he is first class about 90% of the time. Because of my father's travel over the years, he and Steve have gotten into a rhythm of his travel desires. This makes it rather simple for Steve to book his flights. However, with such short notice, Steve had to take a number of new factors into the equation.

After a couple hours, Steve booked his flights. He left on Wednesday, and arrived into Poland on Thursday. This is most definitely a perk about being in the airlines - being able to pick up at a moments notice to tend to a family emergency an ocean away, without having to pay a couple thousand dollars.

I have received positive thoughts on my Facebook page regarding the well-being of my uncle, and I greatly appreciate it all.

***

Every nine months Steve has to take his PC.

Steve just completed his PC just yesterday. Thank goodness. Steve is an overachiever. Because of this he studies and is somewhat distracted the week/days leading up to it.

It's a nice relief when all is over and done with. I have my husband back, fully.

Oh and wouldn't you know it, Steve was recognized from my blog! He was sharing a raft with a fellow pilot, during training, and said pilot kept thinking he knew Steve from somewhere. Then he noticed his lanyard, and the light bulb went off. He introduced himself to Steve by asking if his wife was Joanna. I am real!!  Fun times. And it just goes to show you how freakin' small this world is sometimes.



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