Guys weekend
Steve has been doing this "lake weekend" thing for 25+ years. Every summer he gets together with three generations of guys for a weekend at a island on the lake where we keep our boat.
I've always hated this weekend.
He went on this lake weekend when Ben was an infant. He also went when Cici was an infant. With no fail he made the date every year. Meanwhile I was "stuck" with the kids, having to care for them, yet again, as a solo-parent. Did I say that I've always hated this weekend?
But I have to admit, this year it didn't suck. Ironically, he was actually gone an extra day this time, and still it didn't suck. I think a couple things contributed to this. First, it was our boat this year. In past years it was always on my in-laws boat. But, this year it was almost like I was hosting it in a way, despite my absence from the boat. I made sure there were snacks on the boat, bottles of water available, coffee, bedding, ect. When people are at my home, I want them to feel comfortable and feel welcome. I want the same when people are on our boat.
In addition, Steve kept calling me throughout the weekend. He hasn't done this in the past. In the past he would tell me he made it to the island, and then I would hear from him *maybe* another time or two the entire weekend. This bothered me. It made me feel alone. What was he doing that was so much fun that he couldn't check in with me? But, this time he kept checking in with me. I appreciated that. It didn't make me feel so alone.
This weekend he called me to tell me he made it, which was important since it was just the second time he ran the boat. He had a good friend (of course, a pilot) who helped him get the boat to the island. The island is very equip to handle a large influx of boats, so the marina does a great job of fitting as many boats in as possible. Read: tight quarters. Steve told me he was "puckering" as he made his way through some very tight corners. The biggest factors in docking were a 90 degree turn, a docked boat that was sticking out a bit, and another docked boat in that 90 degree turn. It was so tight after that 90 degree turn that said pilot friend had to actually use his foot on that docked boat to make sure Steve wouldn't hit it. Yes, it was that tight. I wanted to make sure Steve made it okay, so when he called to tell me they were tied up that made me happy.
That call was just the start of it. He checked in a before and after runs, before breakfast, and when he was just hanging out. Again, it didn't make me feel so alone. He was thinking of me, and that always makes a girl feel special.
In addition to him checking in on me, I think another contributing factor to this year not sucking is the fact that I didn't have too much scheduled. In the past I've done indoor water parks with my extended family, or amusement parks with my extended family. These were fun times the kids and I were having, all the while Steve was missing it...yet again.
I had girls over for wine on Thursday night, Cici had a sleepover on Friday night, Saturday was a total chill day since Ben got home from a three night overnight cub scout camp, and Sunday I got the house in order to welcome Steve home.
When Steve got home he brought flowers. To note, this has never happened in the past. I'm not a "gifts" gal, but the gesture was greatly appreciated. He was thinking of me. He thanked me for watching the kids. He was also super lovey-dovey with me. I'm not sure what got into him this time around, but I liked it. This made me feel good...appreciated.
I've always bit my tongue when it came to this guys lake weekend thing. I would vent a lot to my mom or sister or aunt, just to talk things out. Sometimes I just needed to release. But, I always knew in my heart that it was good for Steve to go. That's why I would get it out to my support network. I didn't want to stop him from enjoying his down time all because I was selfish with my needs. Yes, he's gone for work all the time, but a guys weekend is a different kind of away from home. I have to keep reminding myself of this. Marriage is about give and take, and I certainly give with this weekend.
And wouldn't you know it, just this morning I shared this tweet:
I've always hated this weekend.
He went on this lake weekend when Ben was an infant. He also went when Cici was an infant. With no fail he made the date every year. Meanwhile I was "stuck" with the kids, having to care for them, yet again, as a solo-parent. Did I say that I've always hated this weekend?
But I have to admit, this year it didn't suck. Ironically, he was actually gone an extra day this time, and still it didn't suck. I think a couple things contributed to this. First, it was our boat this year. In past years it was always on my in-laws boat. But, this year it was almost like I was hosting it in a way, despite my absence from the boat. I made sure there were snacks on the boat, bottles of water available, coffee, bedding, ect. When people are at my home, I want them to feel comfortable and feel welcome. I want the same when people are on our boat.
In addition, Steve kept calling me throughout the weekend. He hasn't done this in the past. In the past he would tell me he made it to the island, and then I would hear from him *maybe* another time or two the entire weekend. This bothered me. It made me feel alone. What was he doing that was so much fun that he couldn't check in with me? But, this time he kept checking in with me. I appreciated that. It didn't make me feel so alone.
This weekend he called me to tell me he made it, which was important since it was just the second time he ran the boat. He had a good friend (of course, a pilot) who helped him get the boat to the island. The island is very equip to handle a large influx of boats, so the marina does a great job of fitting as many boats in as possible. Read: tight quarters. Steve told me he was "puckering" as he made his way through some very tight corners. The biggest factors in docking were a 90 degree turn, a docked boat that was sticking out a bit, and another docked boat in that 90 degree turn. It was so tight after that 90 degree turn that said pilot friend had to actually use his foot on that docked boat to make sure Steve wouldn't hit it. Yes, it was that tight. I wanted to make sure Steve made it okay, so when he called to tell me they were tied up that made me happy.
That call was just the start of it. He checked in a before and after runs, before breakfast, and when he was just hanging out. Again, it didn't make me feel so alone. He was thinking of me, and that always makes a girl feel special.
In addition to him checking in on me, I think another contributing factor to this year not sucking is the fact that I didn't have too much scheduled. In the past I've done indoor water parks with my extended family, or amusement parks with my extended family. These were fun times the kids and I were having, all the while Steve was missing it...yet again.
I had girls over for wine on Thursday night, Cici had a sleepover on Friday night, Saturday was a total chill day since Ben got home from a three night overnight cub scout camp, and Sunday I got the house in order to welcome Steve home.
 |
| dirty as heck after a great camp out. Cici didn't want to admit it, but she missed him |
When Steve got home he brought flowers. To note, this has never happened in the past. I'm not a "gifts" gal, but the gesture was greatly appreciated. He was thinking of me. He thanked me for watching the kids. He was also super lovey-dovey with me. I'm not sure what got into him this time around, but I liked it. This made me feel good...appreciated.
I've always bit my tongue when it came to this guys lake weekend thing. I would vent a lot to my mom or sister or aunt, just to talk things out. Sometimes I just needed to release. But, I always knew in my heart that it was good for Steve to go. That's why I would get it out to my support network. I didn't want to stop him from enjoying his down time all because I was selfish with my needs. Yes, he's gone for work all the time, but a guys weekend is a different kind of away from home. I have to keep reminding myself of this. Marriage is about give and take, and I certainly give with this weekend.
And wouldn't you know it, just this morning I shared this tweet:
— Joanna (@comebackdaddy) August 3, 2018
Making Steve happy really is a source of my satisfaction. I firmly believe that a necessary ingredient in a happy marriage is striving to make your spouse happy. I think that is why I've always "let" Steve go on these weekends...because it makes him happy. Who am I to take that away? And when he is happy, he makes me happy, and that is what marriage is about.
Here's to the start of these lake weekends no longer being a sore subject for me.
Here's to the start of these lake weekends no longer being a sore subject for me.
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