A shitty evening
It's always the shitty times that make for good blog posts, right? It's certainly therapeutic for me to write about shitty nights. And Monday night was just one of those nights.
If you've been following my blog and social media, you know my mom died 4 months ago. At first I kept saying I was "okay." I was not "okay" the week leading up to Easter. The whole stages of grief were certainly working their way, and I'm pretty sure the depressed stage hit right around Easter.
I felt overwhelmed, and blah, and didn't have much energy. I was weepy. I was exhausted...so exhausted.
Okay, so back to Monday night...
It was a beautiful afternoon, warm and sunny. I got home from work and started laundry. The kids got home from school, and it was the typical "one you get home routine." I then ran out to drop off dry-cleaning, return a couple library books, and pick up some quick staple grocery items. When I got home, I instructed the kids to go outside and play. This is where the fun starts...
Cici went to a friends house while Ben stayed around the house. I was preparing dinner, and before I knew it Ben comes inside, crying pretty badly. He and Dudley bumped heads...hard. A large goose-egg formed quickly on his forehead. I immediately had him lay down with a bag of frozen peas on the bump. I asked him all the necessary questions: blurred vision? nausea? ect.
Then I texted Steve.
As much as I think I can manage this whole solo-parenting/pilot wife stuff, there are times where I want that backup. Like when you are worried that your child may have a concussion. Steve was already in for the day (Punta Cana), so I knew he was available. I texted him asking for some backup.
No response.
I texted again. He got that message and replied.
He joked, asking if Dudley was okay.
This didn't sit well with me. He was trying to lighted the mood, apparently. I was trying to get legit tandem parenting advice on an injury our child just encountered.
Steve and I then engaged in proper text dialogue. Texting was the name of the game since he was out of the country. Ultimately, Ben is okay.
Do you know what one of the worst things is about being a pilot wife with kids? Feeling alone when it comes to parenting. Even after being a pilot wife for all this time, moments like the goose-egg incident sting.
For the record, because I know some people may have this thought, the fact that he was in Punta Cana had nothing to do with my mood. I've received plenty of texts from Steve showing a beautiful ocean view with the caption, "it would be better if you were here..." Being in paradise isn't the same when you are alone. I want him to enjoy his overnights, regardless of where the evening takes him.
Ok, so that moment passed. Onto the next situation...our Dudley dog.
Dudley has fear-based aggression. This, we think, is due to the fact that he was with his not-so-good "breeder" for too long. Ultimately the breeder surrendered him (and about 4 other pups) to a rescue group around 4 months. Dudley didn't have proper human socialization when he was a wee-pup - enter fear-based aggression towards humans.
We recently took him to a trainer and are working on it. The trainer, who is all about positive reinforcement, told us to do away with the prong collar we were using to walk him. Enter a harness. I've never used a harness before.
For the record, Dudley is about 50-55 pounds, and still has a lot of filling out to do. Niko is 70 pounds and solid.
On that Monday evening, that warm evening, I had the kids get on their bikes and we walked out of the neighborhood to the one next to ours. They have a great playset and a creek that the kids love to play in. As we were walking up the street Dudley was going NUTS when we were passing a neighbor dog. Like, so nuts that he was walking on his back legs for a bit. He was pulling hard, and I was struggling. No amount of treats were doing it...he was incredibly distracted, and I was barely hanging on for control of him.
So, there I was at the end of our neighborhood, wanting to turn back and go home. But, the kids insisted I keep walking. I set their expectations. As a mother, I don't want to let them down. Onward to the playset/creek we went.
Well, that was probably the worst idea ever. Dudley was pulling and pulling. I was struggling. It sucked. My hand was red and raw by the time the walk was over. I was nearly in tears from my frustration. The lesson learned, I need to get Dudley well trained before we go on long walks again. This is a process, I get it.
So, I get home, and nearly collapse on a chair in the family room. Steve calls. He was back in his room on WIFI, so calls were going through and we no longer had to text. He felt badly for me, probably helpless. I simply didn't want to talk about it. I was exhausted, both from my near-bloody hand and the mental strain from everything.
What's the point of sharing the story? I'm a storyteller, duh! Plus, it feels good to write about it. I'm just putting it out there that we all can have bad nights...and it's okay. Even about being married for nearly 16 years to an airline pilot, I still struggle sometimes...and it's okay!
And, maybe for pilots out there, when your wife is in touch regarding an injury your child sustained, perhaps don't make light of it. Don't let the Caribbean buzz do the speaking for you and offer the proper support your wife needs.
****
I wrote this blog post about a week ago, and have been sitting on it. You'll be happy to know that I've walked through that exhaustion and I'm back to feeling 'okay.' Thankfully. Grief is just something you have to get through...you need to just keep walking on your shitty days....just keep swimming - just keep swimming.
As for Dudley, we are still struggling with the harness, so we started training with a gentle leader per our trainer. We are still getting him comfortable with wearing it, but so far so good. He's been good with it so far...thanks to the smoked pork we are using as a treat. We've even gone on short walks inside the house. To be continued...
If you've been following my blog and social media, you know my mom died 4 months ago. At first I kept saying I was "okay." I was not "okay" the week leading up to Easter. The whole stages of grief were certainly working their way, and I'm pretty sure the depressed stage hit right around Easter.
 |
| credit |
exhaustion.— Joanna (@comebackdaddy) April 22, 2019
That's what I've been feeling lately. Allowing myself to rest is a beautiful thing to hear. I feel guilty about it, as a mother, but I need to allow myself this. #grieving #4monthsagotoday https://t.co/wBKmpFEbD5
Point is...my state of mind was very fragile. A fragile state of mind certainly impacts every aspect of a life.
Okay, so back to Monday night...
It was a beautiful afternoon, warm and sunny. I got home from work and started laundry. The kids got home from school, and it was the typical "one you get home routine." I then ran out to drop off dry-cleaning, return a couple library books, and pick up some quick staple grocery items. When I got home, I instructed the kids to go outside and play. This is where the fun starts...
Cici went to a friends house while Ben stayed around the house. I was preparing dinner, and before I knew it Ben comes inside, crying pretty badly. He and Dudley bumped heads...hard. A large goose-egg formed quickly on his forehead. I immediately had him lay down with a bag of frozen peas on the bump. I asked him all the necessary questions: blurred vision? nausea? ect.
Then I texted Steve.
As much as I think I can manage this whole solo-parenting/pilot wife stuff, there are times where I want that backup. Like when you are worried that your child may have a concussion. Steve was already in for the day (Punta Cana), so I knew he was available. I texted him asking for some backup.
No response.
I texted again. He got that message and replied.
He joked, asking if Dudley was okay.
This didn't sit well with me. He was trying to lighted the mood, apparently. I was trying to get legit tandem parenting advice on an injury our child just encountered.
Steve and I then engaged in proper text dialogue. Texting was the name of the game since he was out of the country. Ultimately, Ben is okay.
 |
| the aftermath the next morning. He and Cici named the goose-egg "Patricia" |
Do you know what one of the worst things is about being a pilot wife with kids? Feeling alone when it comes to parenting. Even after being a pilot wife for all this time, moments like the goose-egg incident sting.
For the record, because I know some people may have this thought, the fact that he was in Punta Cana had nothing to do with my mood. I've received plenty of texts from Steve showing a beautiful ocean view with the caption, "it would be better if you were here..." Being in paradise isn't the same when you are alone. I want him to enjoy his overnights, regardless of where the evening takes him.
Ok, so that moment passed. Onto the next situation...our Dudley dog.
Dudley has fear-based aggression. This, we think, is due to the fact that he was with his not-so-good "breeder" for too long. Ultimately the breeder surrendered him (and about 4 other pups) to a rescue group around 4 months. Dudley didn't have proper human socialization when he was a wee-pup - enter fear-based aggression towards humans.
We recently took him to a trainer and are working on it. The trainer, who is all about positive reinforcement, told us to do away with the prong collar we were using to walk him. Enter a harness. I've never used a harness before.
For the record, Dudley is about 50-55 pounds, and still has a lot of filling out to do. Niko is 70 pounds and solid.
On that Monday evening, that warm evening, I had the kids get on their bikes and we walked out of the neighborhood to the one next to ours. They have a great playset and a creek that the kids love to play in. As we were walking up the street Dudley was going NUTS when we were passing a neighbor dog. Like, so nuts that he was walking on his back legs for a bit. He was pulling hard, and I was struggling. No amount of treats were doing it...he was incredibly distracted, and I was barely hanging on for control of him.
So, there I was at the end of our neighborhood, wanting to turn back and go home. But, the kids insisted I keep walking. I set their expectations. As a mother, I don't want to let them down. Onward to the playset/creek we went.
Well, that was probably the worst idea ever. Dudley was pulling and pulling. I was struggling. It sucked. My hand was red and raw by the time the walk was over. I was nearly in tears from my frustration. The lesson learned, I need to get Dudley well trained before we go on long walks again. This is a process, I get it.
So, I get home, and nearly collapse on a chair in the family room. Steve calls. He was back in his room on WIFI, so calls were going through and we no longer had to text. He felt badly for me, probably helpless. I simply didn't want to talk about it. I was exhausted, both from my near-bloody hand and the mental strain from everything.
What's the point of sharing the story? I'm a storyteller, duh! Plus, it feels good to write about it. I'm just putting it out there that we all can have bad nights...and it's okay. Even about being married for nearly 16 years to an airline pilot, I still struggle sometimes...and it's okay!
And, maybe for pilots out there, when your wife is in touch regarding an injury your child sustained, perhaps don't make light of it. Don't let the Caribbean buzz do the speaking for you and offer the proper support your wife needs.
****
I wrote this blog post about a week ago, and have been sitting on it. You'll be happy to know that I've walked through that exhaustion and I'm back to feeling 'okay.' Thankfully. Grief is just something you have to get through...you need to just keep walking on your shitty days....just keep swimming - just keep swimming.
As for Dudley, we are still struggling with the harness, so we started training with a gentle leader per our trainer. We are still getting him comfortable with wearing it, but so far so good. He's been good with it so far...thanks to the smoked pork we are using as a treat. We've even gone on short walks inside the house. To be continued...
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