14 weeks ago I ruptured my Achilles

14 weeks ago I ruptured the Achilles tendon on my right foot.

13 weeks ago I had my Achilles surgically repaired.

This is where I am today, in terms of walking:


Pretty fucking slow, isn't it.

But, at least I'm walking without a boot and without crutches.

This injury is the LOOOOONNNNNGGGGGEEEEESSSSSTTTTTTT injury EVERRRRR!


It has been forever since I've last posted something, so this post may be a bit scattered...I'm just trying to get something posted.

Here is a quick summary of my weeks:
October 6: rupture
October 14: surgical repair
Week 2: cast, non weight bearing
Week 3 to 4: boot, non weight bearing
Week 4: boot, weight bearing (although I didn't really bear weight until 8ish weeks)
Week 5,6: boot. Worst weeks of the journey. Depressed, frustrated, painful walking, mental block
Week 7, 8: boot, finally start to walk. Finally started to break through the mental block
week 9,10: boot. Really moving okay in my boot.
week 11: transition to shoe. Started physical therapy.

When I had my last appointment with my doctor he told me the transition from boot to shoe could be 3 days or 3 weeks. I was to guide the journey. I was out of that thing, full time, within days. When I first put my shoe on I just sat there and let my nerves come alive a bit. Then I stood for a bit. And then I took a couple steps with crutches. Then I took a couple steps with no crutches. After a couple days, I put the boot on for about 1 1/2 hours (while I ran errands) and the boot actually hurt. I was not sorry to see that thing go. I think because I ended the boot at week 11, as opposed to the normal 9-10 weeks, I was more ready to be done with it. I was mentally ready to make the switch.

This is me walking in my shoe the first time:


As you can see in these two videos I've come a long way in just about 2 weeks. It's baby steps, but still progress.

Here's where I am today, at 13 weeks post surgery: my Achilles tendon is crazy tight. My foot is naturally positing downward. Per doctor's orders, I'm not allowed to stretch past 90 degrees yet, so my PT centers around working my toes and strengthening my hip and leg and working on balance. I think about every step I take. I walk with a hobble. Sometimes I feel like I'm marching. My therapist told me I need to walk like "a big girl" so I'm working on that. I'm sure this will continue until my tendon allows my gait to open up.

I'm still sporting a compression sock and Hoka shoes every day. I have pain, sometimes severe. Sometimes the pain is shooting and acute. I ache a lot. I also have this weird hot nerve that runs up the right side of my leg. Honest to goodness, it's this line of warmth that comes and goes. But, the pain and aches are less than what they used to be. I do contrast baths daily, which have been very helpful. When I transitioned off my crutch completely, I had major aches and pain. I find, however, that over the months the pain will travel. One week the pain will be in my knee, and then it goes away. Another week, pain is in the heal, and then it goes away. "This, too, shall pass," rings very true to the pain/ache journey.

My swelling is down significantly. The whole back of my foot is still very tender, swollen, and very sensitive. My right leg, including hip, are still weak and atrophied. I find myself waking up in the middle of the night in need of stretching my right leg. And when I do, it sometimes shutters in resistance. I can feel my Achilles. Yeah, it's weird. I can feel all these tendons around the back of my foot and ankle. And boy are they tight! After not working for so long, everything is slow in coming back alive. Massage is good. Pulling on my toes is good. Touch is good for my foot. Everything has been asleep for so long that bringing it back to life is good.

Pain quickly dictates my actions. For example, the Sunday we took down all the Christmas decorations I forced myself into bed at 6pm. While eating dinner, I was in a lot of pain, and my leg (not foot, but leg) was actually red and swollen. I was very not comfortable from the knee to the toes. I had to force myself to stop. I iced, elevated, and even popped an Aleve. I overdid it. It's so important to listen to your body.

Now, let's focus on the positive things. I'm no longer using crutches or the boot. I'm mobile again. Slow as hell, which is frustrating. My inseam is 36", I'm used to walking fast. But, at least I'm moving. I'm getting back to myself, more and more. I'm running errands, like dropping off packages at UPS or grocery shopping. Steve and I had a date night the other evening, if you can believe it! I'm finding myself not so protective of my foot anymore. The pain that was associated with crutches, which was mainly upper back soreness, is gone. I actually went to my chiropractor this week, which is a first since the injury.

Steve and the kids have been amazing through all this, which I'm so thankful. Just the other night, for example, I had a dinner at our church and Ben made tuna noodle casserole for himself, Cici, and Steve for dinner At age 12, he's cooking. I don't think he would've been doing the same if I wasn't injured. He's stepped up, no doubt. And just when I think Steve's tired of doing yet another load of laundry, he will pass me, while I'm sitting my ass on the chair binge watching something-or-another, and give me a little kiss on my forehead. I know he isn't too tired of me, yet. I think he recognizes that I'm doing what I can. And Cici, well she's 10. She does help when I ask, and she's sweet.

If you're reading this because you ruptured your Achilles, my biggest advice for you is to measure your progress by weeks, not days. This will keep you positive, and not dwelling on how long this process is. My other piece of advice this that this is a long injury to recover from. Nothing happens quickly. You don't just one day start walking in your boot. It takes time. When you boot is off, you don't just start walking like your normally would have. It takes time. I wish I could just wake up one morning and "boom" ... better! But, it isn't like that.

I've slowed down so much because of this. Not only am I physically slower, I'm also slower paced in general. I don't overload my schedule or plans, because I know my boundaries. The amount of social activities I've cancel or avoided over the last 3 months is numerous. I know what my body is capable of, and I listen to it...and mostly, I DON'T feel guilty. If I need to rest, I rest.

And guess what I'm also doing?! Self care. As a mother to young kids, with a traveling husband, it's super easy to put yourself last. But, now I have to be #1. I've said the following to the kids on a number of occasions, "I don't care about X right now, because I'm focusing on walking." Sounds heartless, but it happens. Of course, of course, I'm not neglecting the kids or putting them in danger. It's more a situation, like, Cici wanting to show me something she colored, and I can't focus on her at that exact moment. Yes, I'm that focused on my steps. When I have to do my exercises, I'm do them. When I have to rest, I rest. I'm putting myself on top. It's a foreign feeling, but necessary.

We're cruising in March. We plan on going to Europe in June. I worry that I won't be up to par. But, at least I have time on my side. Come February 11, my next appointment, I hope to be allow to kick up my PT a notch. Time heals. I'll get there.

So much for this blog being about being a pilot wife. But, my life has taken a turn. As I'm going through this process, I figure that I can share my experiences for those going through the same thing.

And to further the not-blogging-about-being-a-pilot-wife, it's been a year since my mom passed away. On the anniversary of her death we all joined together for mass, went to the cemetery, and then back to my dad's house for a casual brunch. Tears flowed that day, but family kept us comforted.

We hosted Christmas Eve at our house, and I tried my best to make a dinner my mom would have been proud of. In the Polish culture, Christmas Eve is incredibly significant and rich with tradition and customs. As we gathered around the table, my father had to stop during The Lords Prayer (in Polish) because he was overcome with emotion. Thankfully my sister picked up where he left off. We kept a seat open for my mom. We talked about her during dinner. All in all, the days passed without too much sadness. I think it's because we were all together as a family. We had each other, and it was what we all needed.


2020 is a very welcome new year!







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