Enough already

Have you ever seen the movie The Truman Show? 1998. Jim Carrey. If you haven't, watch it. It's a really decent movie. If you have, then you know the scene at the end of the movie, when Jim Carrey's character, Truman, is sailing away to escape from his life behind the cameras. And the director brews up a storm. The waves get bigger, the lightening gets stronger. The boat struggles. Truman falls into the water. But, he rises from the water and gets into the boat. He survives. When the waters quiet Truman yells out, "is that the best you can do?"

I sort of feel like that's been our life the last 15 months or so. We've been challenged. What else is coming our way?

I lost my mom, suddenly with no warning. She died 3 days before Christmas. She was packing the car, getting ready to drive up to our house for the holiday. My dad was taking a shower. After some time he looked out the window because he hadn't heard her in a while. She was lying in the driveway. CPR. 911. Ambulance. Phone call. Hospital. More phone calls. Death. Shock. Then everything was a blur...

I ruptured my Achilles tendon. My first surgery. Non-weight bearing for 4 weeks. Steve did everything. I had "babysitters" (aka my sister and my dad) stay with me and the kids when Steve went back to work. It took me a long time to recover. You know how some babies walk at 9 months, while some aren't even crawling yet. Yeah, I was that slow to develop baby. Still wasn't bearing weight at 6-8 weeks. On New Years Day, I got my boot off and started to really recover. Progress has been painfully slow. Now at 6 months, I'm finally getting my groove back. I'm finally getting my strength and balance back, although I still think I'm only at about 70%. Still driving with my left foot. Still using the handrail down the stairs. My exercise is walking. My knees are mad at me, and scream when I try to kneel. I still have a subtle limp. Still just wearing athletic shoes.

And Steve lost his father. He went into the hospital the week before Thanksgiving, and never came home. Complication after complication. He was a fighter, but a body can only withstand so much. Lots of emotion. Lots of decisions. Lots of tears. Lots of phone calls. Lots of travel. Lots of energy.

 And...let's add this whole COVID stuff. Steve chose not to see his father come mid-March. He dare not expose him. Then the hospital closed to visitors. No one saw him for a couple weeks. My father-in-law passed away surrounded my hospital staff. And his funeral service was attended by immediate family. Certainly not the funeral one has in mind.

Steve's been home a while. A spring break vacation meant a decent time off. And bereavement allowed him two more weeks off. He's resting. He's tired. He's pissy. He's mourning. It's all part of the process. I've been there.

He's also concerned about his job. His 51% with his seniority, so there's hope he won't be furloughed. But, things are changing, no doubt. He's sitting reserve next month, and probably will for the foreseeable future. I'm just happy that we live at his base. Although, I'm convinced it will close soon enough. Enter commuting. I can handle everything I just wrote, but I think I will have a very hard time if he sits reserve as a commuter. I thought I was done with that shit. I'm sure he thinks the same. We will cope, whatever it is. But, honestly, at the end of all this, as long as his airline is still standing that is all I ask.

I'm sort of done with all this crap. These last 15 months haven't been the easiest sailing. And who knows what the next 15 months will be regarding Steve's job.

Now, I want to set the tone right. Despite all the shitty things that have happened, Steve and I, and the kids, are doing okay. Our spirits are good. We have our health. We are managing this whole self-isolating thing as best we can, which isn't all that bad. Sure I have my moments when the kids invade my office when I'm working, or when Steve is a little sharp. But, we're good.

At the end of the day, the kids watch a movie in our bedroom, and Steve and I sit in the family room, drink in hand, either talking or watching a show or movie. As Gerda Weissmann Klein recently said in an article, "the most valuable thing a person can have is a boring evening at home with the people they love." For some reason, this speaks volumes to me. Ending the day in a comfortable and secure and peaceful way, with people you love, is the best feeling in the world. When there is uncertainty in the world and home feels like your anchor, you feel like you can get through whatever life throws at you.

I'm very much the optimistic type. I'm not going to say the overused, "we'll get through this." I hate that phrase right now. I mean, what's the alternative...that we don't get through this, and we all die from this virus and the human race ends. Duh, YES we will get through this. We are currently getting through this. I prefer phrases like, "this sucks. How are you coping?" or a simple "how are you feeling?" Of course we will get through this. It will just take time.

Steve goes back to work next week. His pairing has already been modified. I'm sure it will be adjusted further. I'll be making him a mask with Star Wars fabric. I think that'll be fun. He's also taking food and plenty of wipes and sanitizer. I'm sure he's looking forward to getting back to work. And, I'll make sure he strips down and showers the second he walks back into the house.

So, that's where we are with life right now. I hope you are well, and I hope your loved ones are well.