Thursday, January 17, 2013

Of course it is his fault

While pulling into the school parking lot the other morning, I saw the food truck at the curb.  Oh crap, I thought.  The truck makes it difficult to pull into a parking spot like normal.  So, I did my normal thing when the food truck is there, and pulled into the spot backwards.  And in hindsight, I believe a guardian angel was watching over us and made that timing so.

The kids spilled out of the car, and into the school we marched. 

I dropped CC off just fine, and then went to say good-bye to Ben in his room.  While I was in there, a fellow K parent said "hey, your passenger front tire is low."


Oh, really?! I whined.

Yeah.

Do you think I have to fill it now?

I wouldn't drive too far on it.


Crap.  Well, my drive to work is about 20 miles, so I figured I needed to make a bee-line to the gas station.  The last thing I want to do in the morning, in my already planned-to-a-second routine, is to stop at the freakin' gas station to get freakin' air in my tires.  You pilot wives know what I am talking about when it comes to routines.  We have our routines down perfectly when our pilots are away.  And any variation of that routine just throws the whole universe off. 

But, I wanted to heed the warning from the fellow parent.  Not to mention, I had thoughts of that guardian angel which motivated me.  You know, that truck didn't have to be there and I didn't have to park backwards...

Steve!  This is your fault! kept playing over and over in my mind, while I was driving to the gas station.  Was Steve even around?  No.  But, of course it was his fault.  Sort of reminds me of my post 'Don't be a whiny bitch'.  It was his fault because he is the man of the house, and should be the one doing all things car.  Yeah, yeah, I am fully capable of filling my tires with air, but just like I like when a man opens my car door, I want my man to answer my distress calls.

When I got to the station, I maneuvered to the air thing, popped in my quarters and started to do what I needed to do.  As I was adding the air, I kept thinking about how I was going to blog about this.  I do this often when I am in a midst of a pilot wife 'disaster' as it helps keep me sane in the situation.    As my internal dialogue was going, the word "isolation" kept popping into the dialogue.

In a busy station where there were people all around me, I couldn't help but feel isolated.  Steve wasn't around to help me.  Steve wasn't in the same state, not to mention the same time zone.  Steve is never around.  And when he is, he is so busy with this and that, that he doesn't even look at the tires.  I always have to do everything with the cars.  I hate this.  Why am I the one to have to fucking do this?  Why did I ever marry a man that is gone all the fucking time?  He is supposed to always be able to rescue me and answer my distress calls.  This is bullshit.  I am tired of having to fend for myself.  I married a man to help with all this.  Not be gone all the time.  I married a man to be a part of my life, not distant from it.  Whah, whah! 

The air stopped.  Really?!  What the fuck!  My 5 minutes expired and I still had one tire left.  Fuck!  Back into the car I went to gather change, and then into the building to exchange the dimes and nickles into quarters.  I was just pissed off and annoyed really good at this point.  And then, back to the car I went to finish the job.

...and then, I saw a familiar face...

It was one of Steve's friends from college.  And you know what, seeing him, somehow, put me back at ease.  We exchanged hugs and pleasantries and then he instantly offered to help me once he knew what I was up to.  A man answering my distress call!  That is all I needed!  I turned his polite offer down, because, really, I am fully capable of filling the tires with air. 

We chatted a bit, and all was good.  Do you know why he put me at ease?  Because he is Steve's friend. Not mine.  He is a college friend, as I mentioned, that I didn't know at all in college.  He is a part of Steve, and I am sure Steve is a part of him.  In a weird way, it was like I was connected to Steve...and didn't feel so isolated anymore.

I am sure that may sound weird to some people, that I found a connection to Steve through a friend, but it isn't unusual for me at all.  When I miss Steve, even if it is when I am missing him because I am pissed he isn't there to help me, I find myself trying to find some sort of connection to him.  It could be smelling his pillow, or his bath towel.  Or watching Family Guy at 11pm, because that is what is always on when he is home.  Or looking through old pictures on his facebook page.  Or looking up into the sky at contrails. 


So, if a guardian angel protected me from blowing a tire at 70mph on a highway, perhaps another one put a familiar face in front of me to give me strength, and not feel so isolated anymore. 

18 comments:

  1. After reading this for some time I have to ask, why are you still married? Granted you have some rays of sunshine in your blog posts but it's basically about how you are in a miserable situation and won't take the necessary steps to change it. I bet even some friends can see it but are too nice to tell you. I hope you don't take this the wrong way (then again if I were in your shoes reading this, I wouldn't like this comment either). Well even if you don't do something, you motivated me to. I realized I too started to sound like you. After a lot of soul searching and speaking to some people I trust, I'm going to get a divorce. I don't want to continue to be trapped in an endless cycle of resentment and passive aggressive hate any more. I don't want this life so thank you for opening my eyes.

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    1. Wow. To answer you first question, I am still married because I love Steve and he is the father of my children. He makes me happy. He is my other half. I couldn't imagine my life without him. He makes me feel whole. As much as we have our ups and downs, I can whole heartedly say that I am happily married.

      The thing about my blog is that I keep it to the topic of being a pilot wife. I chose this topic, and I focus on it. If our life is vanilla, I don't blog about it. Who wants to hear that Ben had gymastics tonight and CC watched a movie on the iPad. I blog about the 'good' stuff. The stuff that is entertaining to read, and stuff that other pilot wives can relate to. Perhaps this comes off as being all my focus in my life, but that is far from the truth.

      I am glad your eyes are open and you know what you want. Susan, I wish you the very best with everything. I wish you happiness.

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  2. I feel this way frequently. I lived on my own for about 6 years before I met my pilot. Of course I am perfectly capable of putting air in my tires or getting an oil change but when I got married, I was ready to give up those "man" tasks. Not so much when you marry a pilot. It doesn't mean I would change who my pilot is or change our lifestyle. I knew what I was getting into. :) Great answer above to the other comment. Blogs only touch on a fraction of the real life... and who really wants to read about the mundane stuff in life anyways? ;)

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    1. I like that..."man tasks" They are man tasks! Yes, we did know what we were getting into. It doesn't mean it wears you all of us from time to time ;-)

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  3. My husband just came home after being gone 4 days, home 2, gone 3 days and I am due for an oil change. I turned to him and said "can't you set it up and take it in for me when you are home next?" After doing the single mom thing while he is out of town I am exhausted and I just wanted a break from the car duties too.

    P.S. I do not read your blog and feel that you are unhappy. I can really relate to your blog and the things you go through when your husband is out of town. It is probably a way for you to vent I'm assuming. I get frustrated when things come up and my husband is out of town, but I could not imagine my life without him in it.

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    1. So, is he going to take the car for the oil change? I always take my car since the shop is close to my work, and they give loaners. And his car gets one every 15K, so he can finaggle that.

      Thank you for your perspective on my blog, because I started to question it for a second. And yes, this blog is a sort of journal, so writing it out does allow me to vent.

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    2. Probably not. I just needed to whine to him a little bit. I actually have a maintenance package that allows me to take a loaner for the day too. I just wasn't looking forward to getting one kid on the bus, dropping the other off at school and dropping my car off to get an oil change on my way to work. I'll just have to plan it for a day he is home so he could get the kids off to school:) I really don't mind that I get to try out a different car every 5,000 miles.

      Thanks for helping me realize that I am not the only person dealing with these things while married to the ever traveling pilot:)

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    3. No, you are not the only person dealing with these issues. I have said the before on this blog, and I will say it again: the best compliment is when someone says "I could have written these words myself!" I get this often, and I think it give all of us some support.

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  4. I enjoy reading your blog and can relate tremendously, actually I was just doing the exact same thing the other day-filling my tires. I absolutely hate doing anything with the cars and have always insisted it is the mans duties but when your pilot is away, only you are there to do what needs to be done. Thanks for blogging about these things, it helps to get through situations when you feel their are others going/feeling the same way.

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    1. Thank you for your kind words and support.

      I have to ask, did you fill all your tires in the alotted 5 minutes? :)

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    2. Lol, well luckly I had only one tire to fill, so i was able to. Plus, I was even more luck that the gas station I was at had free air. We found out a few days later it had a slow leak, fortunely my pilot was home to get that fixed. :-)

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  5. Joanna, you always share the 'good' stuff. You're right... it would be boring to blog about the routine day to day things, that happen between the pilot wife problems, because that would be a bit vanilla. You always share things that we can relate to, and for that I'm thankful. LIfe isn't always rainbows and butterflies. :)

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    1. ...because if I shared the day to day, my blog post right now would be "Steve is asleep on the couch. Ben is watching a movie. CC is napping. And I just ate a hard boiled egg." LOL

      No, life is far from rainbows and butterflies all the time. You are right about that. But, it can still be wonderful.

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  6. My tire pressure light came on last month and I am ashamed to say I do not know how to put air in my tires. I figured it was due to cold weather so I let it go for awhile. I asked pilot boyfriend to fix and he did... eventually. I feel lucky that he still did the "man task" despite his schedule! Now I promise I will learn to do it myself and fix it right away.

    Joanna I think your blog is great. When I first started getting serious in my relationship I looked to it a lot for information and it really helped me. I understand Susan's comment and actually have received similar comments from friends. I think it is easy to vent about the negative or frustrating times and sometimes the relationship can be misrepresented. I have always felt (from reading) that you and Steve are happily married. Thank you for sharing. I know it has taught me a lot! And you do have some positive posts in there too!!

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    1. Yes, you should learn how to do it. There are so many things you will need to know...how to shut the water off in your house, ect.

      Thank you for the support and kind words!

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  7. I love this post. It was sweet and I could so relate. Take care and pray for all the bad shit to happen on their days off-at home!

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    1. Thanks! Oh, I don't think we could get lucky enough for bad shit to happen when he is home :)

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  8. I can identify - it is easy to slide into the negative thought spiral when unexpected things go wrong. I have caught myself thinking, "I did not sign up for this!" and then I remembered, um, yes I did. "For better or worse" covers just about everything, does it not?

    All that said, I do car stuff (just changed the wiper blades last week,) but I think I should avoid taking the car in for maintenance by myself. Our minivan is OLD, and every time I take the damn thing in for something small like an oil change, they tell me I need a thousand dollars worth of work and will need to leave the car overnight. I don't know enough about cars to be able to tell when they're bsing me. I got into a situation like this last month - I had all three kids with me for what should have been a short appointment and ended up having to surrender the car for a day's worth of work. Thank goodness they were willing to give me a loaner, because Joe was on a trip and could not come and get us, but switching the three car seats out was a royal pita.

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