At the hot airshow, I stayed cool with beer.
As I mentioned before, Steve's Union had a nice tent with food and drinks a-plenty. As I headed to the beer tub for the 3rd time, a nice man stepped out of my way and said "I don't want to get in the way of you and your beer."
My response? "When the pilot is home, the wife can play."
He then stated that he "was here to make my life easier." I gave him my winning smile, grabbed my ice cold beer, and then headed back to the table. I asked Steve if he knew who the guy was, but Steve couldn't find who I was asking about, so he had no response.
Maybe the guy was a regular pilot, enjoying the air show just like Steve, and was just being charming. Or, maybe the guy was a union guy who was a rule maker, and really could make my life easier. As much as I love talking to people, I really didn't open up much to this guy. Hard to believe, I know. Frankly, I was just so hot, and the kids were sort of a bear, that I just wanted to drink my beer and sit down.
If, in fact, this beer-blocker was a union guy who make rules, here is what I would have told him to make my life easier:
- pay Steve what he deserves
- always end a 4-day with a trip that gets in no later than 4pm
- don't allow slam clickers, or let the pilots have full trips with the FAs again. Steve has a new set of FAs for each leg he flies. The more the merrier, if you ask me, and overnights have to be more fun when more people go for drinks and dinner.
- have a handy man available to all pilot wives, free of charge of course, that can be at my house in a jiffy when necessary (like when you come home from work to a house that is hot and sticky since the AC isn't working)
- have a babysitter available to all pilot wives, free of charge of course, that can come within seconds of me needing help, or when about to lose it from screaming children. See link above...funny how these things always happen in tandem.
** I promise that the above items would not be abused, but only used in dire circumstances when you curse the fact that your husband is gone all the time.
- Steve should be home for the birthdays of: me, Ben and CC...and of course his birthday. Heck, let's throw in our anniversary too!
- I won't be too greedy and ask for every holiday off, but for every holiday that Steve works let his immediate family fly with him, on positive space, so that we can be with him. Or, for every holiday worked, pilots should be paid double!
- change retirement back to 60
- if a pilot commutes, always give them positive space to and from base
- give pilots new uniforms every year, so that he would never have a situation again where his passengers might see his ass
- give Steve and his immediate family positive space tickets, twice a year, for a destination of our choosing.
- never allow reserve pilots...sitting reserve sucks.
- a happy pilot is a happy husband, and a happy husband makes a happy wife...and a happy wife is a happy life. See how this is all cyclical? Remember this, union rule maker, when making each and every sentence in that company manual. What is that damn acronym again?!
Of course this list is half serious and half playing. We can all dream, can't we?