does it suck being married to a pilot?

As a blogger, I like to check my google analytics reports to see the activity on my blog.  The reports will show me things like: where my visitors are from, how long they stay on my blog, what pages they read, where they are referred from, ect.  Don't worry, no names are ever given to me, or exact locations, so don't feel like I know exactly who you are.  I 'sort of' know who you are, so don't be skeeved out thinking I know everything about you.  I love looking at this reports, maybe it is the marketing major in me.  I love when I see serious time that people put into my blog.  I feel like I am connecting to people the longer they are on my blog.


Ok, so where am I going with this?  Well, 'keywords' is something that google analytics reports on.  The other night, I looked at my reports was immediately struck when I saw the keywords "does it suck being married to a pilot" come up.  My initial reaction to reading this was "hell yeah, it sucks!" 


Now remember, Steve and I started dating in 1998.  At that time, the internet wasn't nearly as big as it is now.  I remember when I first started using google, as a matter of fact.  I was a Peace Corps Volunteer at the time, and a fellow PCV told me about it. Google?  How do you spell it again? G-O-O-G-L-E?  That means the year 2000 or 2001.  I don't think I really starting using google until many years after that.  My point is that when Steve and I got serious, I didn't use google as a resource to figure out the whole pilot thing.  Since I didn't research this industry on google, I had to navigate this whole thing on my own. But now, if you want to find anything about anything you can go to google, type in whatever, and you have a ton of information. 


My intention with this post is to help any pilot girlfriends out there figure out this whole pilot relationship thing.  I hope that people googling about this lifestyle can find my views and help steer them in the right direction. For as many people that I could encourage to continue a relationship with a pilot, I would encourage that many to not continue a relationship with a pilot. 

In my imagination, I picture a gal and a guy meeting...he is perfect, she is perfect...all is perfect.  He is an airline pilot.  Crap, all pilot are cheating assholes, aren't they?  She doesn't know anything about pilots or the lifestyle. So, she goes to the internet for research, types in "does it suck being married to a pilot?" and my blog is found.

So, let me answer the question again - a little more thorough this time.  Yes, it does suck being married to an airline pilot.  Does it suck all the time? No.  If it did, I would be miserable and Steve would be looking for another career.  I have always said that this job would never break our marriage...if this job got in our way, then away with the job and onto something else.  Does it suck some of the time? Yes. No question. 

But, with the bad comes the good.  There are times when you question yourself about ever agreeing to this job, like when your pilot husband misses your daughter's first birthday.  
 
And there are times that you love what the job can give, like an impromptu trip to see the last of the space shuttle launches. 

I want to stress that you can NEVER really understand what this lifestyle is like until you actually live it.  Sure, you can think to yourself "that will be okay if Mr. Pilot misses Christmas Day.  I love him so much that I can deal with that."  Until he misses Christmas Day year after year.  Oh and then you have kids and Daddy isn't there on Christmas morning. 

Or how about: "I will support my pilot through shit pay and a crappy schedule because I love him so much and I will do whatever it takes." Until you can't pay all your bills and you only see him 12 days a month and he is depressed because he can't support his family and is tired of being beaten down by the company.  All of these things wear on you over time.  


 As I was discussing with a dear friend the other day, love is blind.  When you are so in love, you may sweep bad things under the rug.  So, it may be easy to mentally sweep the bad stuff under the rug, but after a while it will surface and you have to face it head on.  I could talk until I am blue in the face to warn women about what they are getting themselves into, but until you live it you don't actually get it.  There is no way that you can prepare for any of this emotionally.  Gosh, that sounds harsh, doesn't it?!  By no means am I saying that you are "getting yourself into something" by marrying a pilot.  I guess a better way of putting it is that love isn't everything in marriage.  "But, I love him" is never enough of an answer to stay with a pilot.  Love is part of the marriage equation, no doubt, but it takes a whole lot more than just love.  When you are making the decision about continuing a relationship with a pilot you have to ask some hard questions.  If you answer the hard questions honestly and realistically, then you are doing the right thing. 

I need to make the point that you have to be a strong, independent type to make this marriage work.  When you pilot husband is away, it is YOU running your home ship.  You have to be the one to: take the trash out every.single.week, get the car serviced every.single.time, meet delivery people at the home, make "best and final" offers on a home, fixing immediate home repair situations, ect. Let's not forget the fact that you will be alone half the time.  That means sleeping alone, watching tv alone, eating dinner alone, celebrating holidays alone, going to parties alone...

And when you have kids, it is YOU being a duel parent when your pilot is away.  The single parent thing is honestly the hardest part of being married to a pilot.  You are going to be the one waking every.single.night, multiple times a night, with a newborn baby. All the while, your pilot husband is getting uninterrupted sleep after going out to the bars with the crew.  You resent him.  But, you eventually get over it.  You are going to be the main disciplinarian, and you have to be strong with your decisions.  It is you feeding your kids and bathing your kids and playing with your kids...all you - only you...when your pilot is away.  I could go on...

Let's not forget to mention the big life moments that happen when your pilot is away.  I told Steve over the phone that I was pregnant with Ben.  At least he was there for the conception.  Hell, he was on a trip when I went into labor with Ben.  At least he was able to make it home for the birth.  My beloved Grandmother died when Steve was on a trip...what a shit time for your husband to be gone.

So, those are the crap things about being married to a pilot.  But as I said before, with the bad comes the good.  I have said over and over that absence makes the heart grow fonder.  Distance in a relationship can be a good thing since it makes you step back for perspective.  There are times when Steve is gone and I miss him the second he steps foot out the door, and I spend the next 4 days thinking about him coming home.  Who has this anticipation and excitement in a marriage as often as it happens with a pilot?  This accounts for a lot, if you ask me.  I am not exaggerating when I say that even after 14 years with Steve, there are still times I think about him and get butterflies in my stomach.  Of course it doesn't happen all the time, but it still happens.  Absence also makes sex better, if you ask me.  When he gets home and you missed him, it just makes it better.  Unless he is wearing that damn Marriott crap lotion...

And then you have times, like now as a matter of fact, where you are in a tiff and you just need space.  When your pilot is on a trip you get the space you need.  I am gaining some perspective on things since I am able to step back to look at things.  In this case, trips have actually come and gone without resolution to said tiff, but with time, distance, and an attitude adjustment on my part things will get better. Sometimes you just need space, and being married to a pilot surely gives you that.

I am a firm believer that independence is important.  As much as I am a wife and a mother, I am first Joanna. I live my life when Steve is gone, and Steve does his thing when he is gone.  When he is home we come together and do our thing.  This is good for us. This works for us.  This lets us both keep our identity both apart and together.  I don't feel like I have ever lost my true self.  Also, at this point in our relationship, his absence is the norm, and we actually like it that way. 

Let me also address the fact that this job makes Steve the type of father he is...which is a hands-on Dad.  When Steve is home, he has no distractions.  Ok, maybe he is distracted with home projects at times. When he puts in 16 hour duty work days, wait, is that even legal? I just threw that number out there...it doesn't effect us since he is on the road and we expect him gone.  When he gets home from trips, he is HOME.  Not many fathers can say that.  And when your kids go running up to Daddy when he gets home, it may be one of the best heart warming moments of all times...and I am truly not exaggerating. 

The kids will often times watch for Daddy to get home from work:

and that hug after a trip is just priceless!


 
And how could I not mention that with this job comes some pretty kick-ass perks.  Two words: free flights.  Yes, it does suck to be a non-rev at times, but if you truly take advantage of the travel you can see the world. Your children can see the world.  At this point in the game, Ben thinks that we can head down to Florida whenever we want.  Well, we actually could!  That is pretty bad ass, if you ask me!

 Gosh, what am I trying to say with all this?  I feel like I have been rambling.  Let me try to be concise with all this: being married is not easy, and not every couple can make it.  But, for as many couples that break, there are that many couples that thrive. 

Don't be naive and think that love can make everything better. It won't.  Sure it helps, but you need strength, determination, trust and communication.  You have to be committed to one another.  This job forms your lifestyle, but it doesn't define who you are as an individual or a couple.  Remember, this job is for a couple decades, not for your entire life. You will hit rocky times, you will have weak moments, but you will get through them and only be stronger because of it.  

If you haven't checked out 'why our relationship' works, do it.  I wrote this about a year ago and I think it hits the nail on the head when it comes to our relationship.  I give the main points that I feel like I/we contribute positively to make this marriage work.  I got a lot of positive feedback and a lot of other pilot wives agreed with me. 

I also want to bring your attention to my post 'rules for my pilot' since it brings up other points like trust and jealousy. I don't have issues with either when it comes to Steve, but I have been exposed to some people that have these issues.  This can be really damaging.  I can't stress enough that you need to have trust in your partner. I believe that NO relationship will last without trust.  I also talked about trust in my post 'what it takes to be a pilot wife'

So, there you have it, the long winded answer to the question "does it suck to be married to a pilot?"  How about some more questions: Did I know exactly what I was getting into when Steve and I decided on marriage? No. But I did commit myself to him...marriage is a lifetime thing in my book, no question. Knowing what I know now, would I still have married Steve? Yes. Do we struggle at times? Yes. 

But, is it all worth it in the end? Hell yeah! 















Comments

  1. I think it's great you're able to balance your perspective and recognize both the good and bad aspects. Frankly, it doesn't matter what his job is, there's going to be awesome parts and shitty parts. The fact you're not co-dependent probably goes a long way. I know a lot of couples where one person can't survive without the other all the time. Gross.

    Some of the top searches bringing people to my site are: midget peeing on car, dad's underwear, bratz dolls (WTF?!) and one of my favorites...what are those chunks in the back of my throat.

    Yeah...I keep it real.

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    1. You crack me up...seriously, midget peeing on car? What on earth do you have on your blog that would bring that up? "chunks in the back of my throat" love that! LOL

      I get a lot of hits from keywords about pilot pick up lines and dating a pilot. And then I get a lot of gross stuff like daddy and, I can barely even say it, come, but a spin on that word. I SOOO hate that.

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    2. Well, I have a post about being in Manila where I saw a midget whip it out and pee on a car. But, why is someone searching that term is my quesiton?! I don't know about the chunks in the throat thing...I can't think about what post that would hit, same with the Bratz dolls. The internets is weird!

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    3. it isn't the internet that is weird...it is the sick f*cks that search the internet.

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  2. I feel like you wrote this entry just for me... I've been one of those quiet readers of your blog, and the blogs of other pilot wives, for a while now. After dating a pilot for two years, I'm starting to ask myself these questions. I sincerely appreciate how honestly and candidly you respond to the question "does being married to a pilot suck?" :) I feel very grateful to have the wonderful resource of Google and for finding your blog. Because, my first reaction to that question is usually "but I love him so much." Thank you for being brave enough to be real and for sharing your experience so openly for women like me...

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    1. I am glad you found this post so helpful! I am an open book, and since we all have this pilot love thing in commom, I like to share what I know. I can elaborate on anything more if you would like, just let me know.

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  3. I love love love your blog! My pilot and is about to move from being a instructor to actually flying with a company. I am so happy I have found your blog it gives me hope it will all be ok. :-) Thank you for the laughs and your honesty.

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    1. It will all be ok, no question. There is plenty of adjustment, but once that happens it is pretty much cruise control. Your norm becomes reality, and you evetually take comfort in your reality.

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    2. and thanks for the blog love! I love hearing that :)

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  4. I hv been a pilots wife for 17 years. You did not address the loneliness, how disappointing it is to go to functions alone, how the kids hv to readjust to dads style of parenting. Your post is light-hearted and it's good, but not the whole truth. You left out alot.

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    1. you may have missed this line:
      "That means sleeping alone, watching tv alone, eating dinner alone, celebrating holidays alone, going to parties alone..."

      Loneliness is a HUGE part of this lifestyle. I have blogged about this topic many times.

      I may not have mentioned adjusting to dad's style of parenting this is post, but I did mention how hard it is to be a single mom. You do bring up a point, I don't really blog a lot about the kids readjusting to Steve's style of parenting. Maybe it is because our kids are too young? Maybe it is because Steve and I are pretty much the same with our style?

      I figure this post was getting long enough, so I figured I would stop where I did.

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  5. I am a pilot's wife and I love it. Many, many women have husbands that are gone for days at a time due to work travel and encounter many of the emotions pilot's wives have. I think any woman that has a traveling husband needs to be a strong independent person and embrace that "alone" time. Find new hobbies, make new friends, learn a new language ... anything to occupy your time when he's gone.

    I have my own career that keeps me hopping so his being gone some nights is actually nice. I don't have to come home and cook after a 12 hour day, or talk, or turn him down in bed because I'm exhausted :-) When he's home for a week and I'm working, I am worn out. He wants to stay up late, party a little or go out but I have to be to work early. I also love coming home and watching "my" shows on the DVR ... no worries about what to watch on TV! I agree there are lonely times when he's gone 5-6 days in a row.

    It's lonely for our guys too. My husband hates 4 hour sits and 24 hour layovers in crap locations. We always choose not to focus on the downsides and instead try to take advantage of the travel opportunities. I love when he has layovers within a 3hr drive and we can have a free romantic night (some of the hotels are actually quite nice, some are not). Sometimes he gets a long layover in a great city and I go meet him for some sightseeing and romance.

    We do not have kids, so I can not speak to the family aspect but I certainly can understand those difficulties with a pilot's career. This lifestyle works beautifully for us. I spend every minute while he's gone waiting for the time he walks back through the door. We appreciate every single minute we have together. He's also amazing when he's home. He takes the car in for service, mows the lawn, does the honey-do list I leave ... he always pulls his weight with our home.

    Bottom line is we make it work. I can't say I've ever felt being married to a pilot sucked. He loves what he does, I love what I do and that makes us both happy.

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    1. thanks for your words! It seems like you are truly embracing your life and loving it. That is great!

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  6. thank you for your blogs! i discovered them a week ago and i love them! i have been dating my pilot for 7months now and love him so very much. However, the pilot lifsetyle took a while to get used to but now i have embraced it and love the anticipation of him coming home and make the most of the time i have by myself to do all the things i used to do before we met! Although, already i have found him missing several important events quite difficult but im learning that this is part of the job/lifestyle. thanks again, as first when googled pilots wives/girlfriends i came across some blogs which were really negative and made me feel quite down... thanks for your helpful and honest comments. they really have helped me feel more positively that i can do the pilot lifestyle/supportive wife thing one day! :-))

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    1. Sorry for my delay in replying to you. Thank you for your kind words. Yes, you can do the supportive pilot wife thing. It isn't always easy, but it can be done!

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  7. Hey I jus hav finishd with my engg 5 mnths back.. and now have got selected in a pilot cadet program.. I get a little tensed though after reading through your blog.. Thinking about how it would be for me(though im just 21 now :P and theres a long way to go)
    .. The things tht really do attract me to being a pilot are the fat cheques that they earn(most of dem do) and the extra benefits and perks that they get apart for the thrill of flying and travelling to diff places in d wrld... But then if i luk at the other side of it I wnt b having a real gud time with my family(nd mstly with my wife) fr mst of d time.. nd d first few yrs of our marriage wud certainly b full of frustation...(wht if she r even I feel h***y and im out fr a trip... trust wud b a big thing den to consider!

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    1. I would imagine that making the decision of becoming a pilot is not easy. I wish you the best in your training. I suggest that you look at pilot blogs if you get tense about things. I give you the pilot wife point of view...it is the pilot point of view that you need to check out.

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  8. I have been married for 26 years, with 23 of his years a pilot between military and commercial. We have children, a large family. Honestly, it sucks. I am realistic about this subject, and I never sugarcoat it to make any one believe this lifestyle is mostly good. Honestly,most of the time is HARD. Our kids are not young anymore and have been through hell since birth because of his job. Let's be real here. One thing is for sure: Neither of you can EVER cause you to have your spouse mis trust you. It is true that once that is gone, screw it. My husband chose to look for sex elsewhere and was caught by me. I don't trust him, and no matter what I do or we do, I can't seem to trust him. We go up and down in our marriage and I hate it. So trust and making sure you never cheat when gone or he is gone, is the biggest thing for this job. YOU absolutely must love each other with full respect and comittment and trust. So the love part is the most important thing because if you don't love your spouse, you will cheat. I hate it when a man says "yeah, I shouldn't have cheated but I still love her." No you don't. If you cheated you are an asshole. End of story.

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    1. I totally agree with you in that you need to have trust, respect and comittment for one another! No question!

      I wish you all the very best! Truly!

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    2. If you are so unhappy then why don't you just get a divorce? It has to be hard on the kids you have. Maybe they are always stomping all over you because you get them all upset and angry because of the fighting that you and your husband do. If I were you I would just end it because what's the point anymore? You said you hate him, he cheats, no love, no trust. I think it's time you both go your seperate ways and say goodbye.

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  9. Thanks for wishing me the best, altho I have reached a point where if we don't make it, I don't care anymore. Sad, but true. He ruined our marriage when flying became number one, which was 3 years into the marriage with a little baby. Because he was the last one man on earth I ever thought would change to be such an arrogant ass, I could never believe a man could be good to me. Like I said, the bottom line is you must have integrity beyond integrity at this job, and sorry to say, but if the pilot husband treats his wife with love, respect, and is faithful, very doubtful she will cheat on him. Women cheat because they are neglected usually. Men cheat because they can. Most pilot wives dont get it. They say "Oh, any profession can cheat." Well sure, but this one, oh Lord does it have the perfection of recipes to do it. You aren't missing an ingredient to pull it off. Many other professsions are atleast due home each night...making the wife wonder etc..this one allows you to just have to trust, you have no tools to follow him etc...unless you are rich to do it. The women, the booze, the atmoshpheres, the hotel rooms, you name it, is all right there handed to them on a silver platter AND then ego and arrrogance enters the picture the more they hang out with the ones who do the same thing. Pilots are truly and I mean most, NOT all, a specia of a man that is intriguely different, insanely different, and unpredictable because they can only fly, they forget how to do anything else right...it is like they are a 5 year old flying a plane. I have seen it all. I pray sometimes he goes on trips and never returns. Sad.

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    1. These words struck me "when flying became number one." Steve has never put flying as #1. Case in point, any time a system bid he talks about how he can hold FO widebody out of another base...but immediately says that this won't happen. He puts me and the kids...us...as #1. The kids are so young that a good schedule is better than any equipment type or money. I couldn't imagine the other way around. I understand where you are coming from now.

      I agree with you in that women cheat because they are neglected. I never cheated on Steve, but I had wondering thoughts (he knows this) at a low point in our marriage.

      Do the two of you still communicate? Does he know that you are indifferent if the marriage stays together? It really sounds like you are unhappy, and I am sure that effects all aspects of your life.

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  10. When i say he puts me last, I feel this way because he is JUST a provider to me. Everything he does each day has to do with providing, and nothing is about US, or just me. I could ask for a favor that is personally for me, and he will procrastinate it for months or years or never do it. But if it is food, etc...sure, no problem. He will change his trips and "oh I forgot to tell you", and I tell him how romantic it would be if he would "invite" me on trips instead of me having to ask if I can go and he doesnt ask me to go. In fact, if I plan on going, then there is a fight before hand, he actually says "You can go, but I won't hang with you, or I won't be happy." He actually said to me once how I would have to get my own room. We can't bicker like any normal couple without him making me pay for the fight for weeks. One fight lasts weeks because he just won't make up. He comes to bed late every night, well after me, leaves on trips while I am asleep and does not say goodbye, calls me from his trips on "his time and convenience" and has no care in the world what time it is at home for me. He then comes home and does not back me up with discipline on the kids and then the kids disrespect me. It is never ending. I am not number one in his life. I beg for romance and for him to read more on it, but he buys books on about the stock market. He takes me on date night about once every 3 months, and has no undeerstanding when I get depressed when the kids who are teens at home stomp all over me while he is gone. Instead of supporting me, he argues with me about what went down with them. He says "You don't want support, I am your punching bag." I tell him "No, I just need you to be there to listen." He makes each day hard because I have no gentleness coming from him at all. I yearn for him to just hug me and tell me it will all be ok and that he is there for me, but I never hear those words. He only says "I love you" over the phone, and rarely to my face when home. I hardly remember the last time in person. He knows that too, I tell him and he just denies all my complaints, he always says I am full of it when I say he is doing something to make me unhappy. Instead of making changes, his answer is: "We are not a match, you need someone else and I am not that guy." I give up.

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    1. It does sound like you give up. It does sound like you have hit that brick wall. Steve and I have been to marriage counseling, and he told me that often times couples come to him when they hit that brick wall, which is too late.

      I want to post a link to my post about being a better pilot wife, which is based off a Dr. Laura book:
      http://comebackdaddy.blogspot.com/2012/11/how-to-be-better-pilot-wife.html
      There is something you mentioned, that makes me want to reference it...the asking and asking and it takes months for things to happen. She addresses that in the book.

      I hope you are able to sort this out for yourself, and be brave and strong with the direction that you want to take with your marriage. Pilot wives are here to support you!

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    2. I know of Dr. Laura. What she nor you know or understand is I have done all those things and it gets me nowhere. It takes two. Just as I am to have this happy home life when he returns home, he surely can't go to work and not say goodbye to me or never tell me he loves me and expect me to keep doing things for him. He is emotionally neglecting me and putting everything else first. I can't think of anything that doesn't come before me. You start as two, you end as two. Apparently he doesn't care if we end as one. He is only a provider, not a lover, husband, or much of a father in terms of quality time. His stupid flying which I have come to resent is first. When your husband tells you they look at porn mags in the cockpit, then I don't think they are that stressed at work. When he has a 24 hour layover and calls me on his 23rd hour, do you think I feel like cooking for him? When I do, he says "I am not hungry" when he walks in the door. When I don't cook, he fixes himself something. He has turned into a scumbag pilot, not a family man. I truly hate him now.

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    3. No question, it takes two!!!!! I wanted to put that link out there in case others are reading through these comments.

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  11. I am not dating a pilot, but can I just say to the above poster if you are truly that miserable and resentful of him why don't you leave him?

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  12. fantastic blog! I can relate to all of it except that I don't get the travel perks (My husband is a corporate pilot)

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    1. Thanks! I have said it over and over again, pilot wives all live the same life!

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  13. This is a great blog, all of these feelings are what I have experienced since being married to my pilot. I do feel blessed that he is in a career that he loves and that he is good at. It does contribute so much to his happiness and contentment in life although he would give it up if ever I say the word - which is comforting.
    He began his training one month after we married 5 years ago and it has seemed ive in fact been single since then...not really but im always on my own, attending events etc by myself.
    We now have two boys and possibly soon to be pregnant again. I dont know how im going to do it and survive but it is something we both would like. His roster is 6 days on 4 home...but when I think about military wives I really dont have it that bad. Our boys are one and three, and have their daddys full attention when at home. im very independent and have enjoyed my alone time. But i do find the parenting thing alone the worst. Id be sweet if it wasnt for that, but this is what life is all about. My husband often invites me on trips but im yet to go, but thats by my choice, just have now decided it could be possible since baby has turned one. I know that in all marriages it is communication and being open and honest about expectations that will provide understanding and peace between a couple. I feel putting my husbands happiness in his career first is good because he then in turn shows his love for the support i give. He really does express sincere love and appreciation by working hard in the home and with the kids when at home. Obviously im only five years in with a way to go. It is still hard and I do cry at times, but we talk and we set goals and we aim for the best outcome for the family. Love will not be the only thing to get us through this, a practical mind, common sense, understanding, and a real desire to make sure eachother is happy within all decision making for the family is critical, well from my meger experience anyway. Its not just a pilot thing, its surgeons, military staff, train drivers, truck drivers, the list goes on... Love reading this blog and will keep following :)

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    1. I totally agree that the harest part of being married to a pilot is the parenting part of it...you are a single mom!

      I don't want to downplay military wives at all because I truly can't imagine my husband's life on the line...but, an airline pilot is gone 1/2 the time - year after year, decade after decade. Pilot wives have a very extended life of their husband not always being there.

      Thank you for your kind words!

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  14. Part 1 of 3 (posted by Autumn Leaf)

    I am mostly sad stumbling upon this blog. I appreciate your insight and what you say is true and objective. However, after an almost 25 year marriage I find myself divorced, bruised, bewildered, angry, and sad. It can happen to anyone who is married to an airline pilot.


    There is no one alive who trusted her husband as much as I trusted mine. You obviously have to have that trust or you don’t have a marriage. I supported his career while raising our 2 children (mostly alone of course), worked full time as a professional, completed two advanced degrees, and completed a 20+ year military career in addition to my civilian job. Resentment, as a word, is an understatement.


    As many commented above, the recipe to cheat in the airline industry is perfect. The recipe for deception is perfect. The recipe for a secret life is perfect. My husband left a path of destruction and his narcissistic personality has allowed him to move on in lightening fashion, only to victimize the next unsuspecting woman. I don’t know if I should feel sorry for her or simply smirk at her silly notion that she has found her knight in shining armor.


    It is easy for a pilot to manipulate, lie, and live two different lives. It’s all very ironic, really. My husband treated me like a queen. He told me we were equal partners. He bragged about me to his airline buddies that his wife was an ‘xyz’ professional. When he was home, he helped me immensely. He called me often. Our sex life was good. Sounds perfect doesn’t it? Everyone said we were the perfect couple. Everyone thinks he is the perfect husband. Everyone thinks he has perfect moral integrity. It’s easy to do when you work in a career where it is so easy to lie.


    Why did he treat me like a queen? Because he was cheating on me. He didn’t want me to suspect a thing and wanted me to trust him. Why did he tell me we were equal partners and help me so much when he was home? Because it was his way of making me think my hard work and sacrifice was valuable so that I would trust him. Why did he brag about me to his airline buddies? So that others around him would hear him and think that he was a loving, faithful husband, so that I would trust him. Why did he call me often? Because it was his way of clearing his guilt after hanging up from a call with his girlfriend(s) so I would trust him. How could he have time to cheat if he was on the phone with me so often?


    When they are away, you have to trust them. They are in exotic places in free, most likely top of the line, hotels. Who are they sightseeing with? Who are they having dinner with? What are they doing? You don’t know, but you know you have to trust them.


    When they are not home when originally scheduled they have the perfect environment to tell lies. After all, who can actually verify what they are telling you. You have to trust them. Who has heard the following? “My flight was delayed”, “the plane broke down”, “the co-pilot called in sick”, “they dropped my trip and I picked up another one”, “I missed my flight home because (insert any of the above listed excuses). “I have to leave a day early because I have an early morning flight”. I have to stay an extra night because there are no more flights back”. They also lie just as much to the company itself. How many of your husband’s call-in sick for a flight at their convenience when there is somewhere they want to go or something they want to do in their off time? I think they call it, ‘Dial a vacation”. And they all cover for each other because they are best buds with the chief pilot. There are never any consequences.

    (continued in Part 2)

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  15. Part 2 of 3 (continued post by Autumn Leaf)

    If your pilot has ever lived in a ‘crash pad’ be warned. They are porn infested. If he speaks harshly of the flight attendants he is doing so to help alleviate any possible jealousy you may harbor. He will say they are all crazy, have issues, and that he is only hanging out with the other flight officers. Don’t believe him. He is going to dinner with them, going to bars with them, getting drunk with them, and having sex with them. When you see the credit card statement and there is a $60.00 restaurant charge, he will say he bought dinner for his co-pilot. Really? What man lets another man buy him dinner? Don’t believe him. When you see a $100.00+ charge on the statement, he will tell you he paid the bill for the whole group and that everyone in turn paid him their part in cash to him. Don’t believe him. He most likely got drunk and spent too much on a woman trying to impress her. When you find Viagra in his personal luggage, he will tell you it is for you and that he just wanted to try it. Don’t believe him (especially if he just returned from Mexico where he can buy it at the pharmacy on any street). When you find Viagra in his flight bag, he has no explanation but to say he didn’t know how it got in there. Maybe his co-pilot was playing a joke on him. Really? Viagra in a flight bag?? I guess you never know when an opportunity will arise to use it. When you find condoms in his luggage (and he has a vasectomy) he will tell you that he sometimes masturbates to computer porn and doesn’t want a mess. He misses you so much that he needs to masturbate. Don’t believe him. He is mostly likely visiting prostitutes or escorts. When you find a $300.00 cash withdrawal before a trip to Mexico , South America, or Amsterdam he will say those places are expensive. Don’t believe him, prostitution is rampant and carrying cash avoids an electronic trail. When you get an STD he blames it on you. Let’s see, I work full time, and take care of 2 very active kids every day and all day. I can see how he would think I was cheating. Of course I wasn’t cheating, but it was easy for him to project onto others things that he was doing himself.

    (continued in Part 3)

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  16. Part 3 of 3 (by Autumn Leaf)

    Do you see where I am going with this? A pilot can be 2 different persons entirely. It is very easy to do when the ones you love trust you and all who know you think so highly of the airline profession.

    He sounds like a dirtbag doesn’t he? But no one who knows him would ever think he was capable of doing any of the above. I know I didn’t think so. I trusted him 100% and thought we had a good marriage. It wasn’t perfect. What marriage is? But believe me, I was utterly shocked when I discovered the truth about his airline life.

    Our life quickly unraveled. I spent years struggling with what to do; stay or leave? He never, ever told me the truth about any question I asked him. I uncovered an extensive electronic trail of evidence and he denied each and everything I asked him about. I ultimately chose to divorce him. What choice did I have really? I got an STD and none of my questions were ever answered. How could I ever truly trust him enough to have sex with him again and live day to day without any honest communication? Without those elements in a marriage, he would have an excuse to cheat. Great choices I had.

    He became someone I didn’t even recognize during our divorce. All that was ours, that we built together from nothing, was suddenly all his. I sadly learned that he truly never saw me as his equal partner. He very quickly moved on finding another. I am still coming to grips that I never meant anything to him. All that he said I meant to him where only empty words. He didn’t mean any of it.

    When we first married we were both in the military. All of his buddies were leaving to become airline pilots. He told me he was not interested in an airline career and wanted to put in 20 years on active duty. I agreed with him and didn’t want him to be an airline pilot either. We dated for several years before we got married. One year after our marriage and after him serving 13 years on active duty, he told me he was leaving active duty to pursue an airline career.

    Trust me when I say this. Had I known before we got married that he wanted to be an airline pilot, I never would have married him. And I am not saying this after the fact. I meant it then and I mean it now. I never would have married him. After the fact, my only choice was to have trust and faith in him. You can see how it turned out.

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    1. Thank you for sharing your experiences. My heart goes out to you!

      Can you send me an email? I would love to "talk" to you one-on-one.

      Delete
  17. My pilot boyfriend recently sent me the link to your blog, and I have now spent quite some time reading through it. We have been together for 5 1/2 years this month but have been mostly apart for the past 4 years until August. We are now talking about engagement in the next few months. With talking about that, we talk about his future as a pilot. He has not fully decided whether he will fly for the airlines or try for a corporate job but either way I know we will be apart a lot. While that is nothing new for me, I still feel uncertain about it sometimes. I currently live alone (and kind of like it) , I have a time consuming hobby, and I work full time. I'd say I'm pretty independent and my pilot would be the first to agree. We also are choosing to live back in our hometown where we met so I would have help and support from both of our families when I would need it. His mom is already saying she is waiting to retire until we have kids so she can babysit whenever I want! I know once we have a family though that him missing big events will not set well with me if I had to guess. I don't mean holidays but things like the birth of our children. Aside from that, I actually worry more about him. Trust is not an issue for me. It never has been. But when we spent years at different colleges, he was very insecure about me even sitting beside a guy by choice in a classroom. I have never done anything to make him feel that way and have never desired another man, but I'm really at a loss of what to do about how he feels. He is also a big time family man and was homesick a lot for years while away at school. He sucked it up, but I spent a lot of time building him back up and encouraging him. I'm really just not sure how it would all work for him.

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    1. That is great that your boyfriend sent you a link to my blog! Thank him for that!

      You have laid out a lot of concerns that we all have, or have had. Trust is a big thing, and that is awesome that you don't have trust issue with him. Perhaps his lack of trust is a maturity thing? I say that because my boyfriend in college was the same way, and just like you I gave him NO reason for him to feel that way. Then when I started dating Steve (4 years older than me) it was never a concern.

      When will you guys be making the decision about his career? I have found a lot of times aviation decisions are made for you...by fate. Steve used to fly corporate, was laid off, and then applied for a regional since that was the only job option at that point.

      Delete
  18. Thanks for your reply! He actually just signed a 3 year contract with LU last week to be a flight instructor and run their flight simulator in exchange for them paying for his CFI and CFII! At least I know he will be staying local until that contract is up which will also allow him to build up loads of free time! We are very excited as the job offer landed in his lap. So, I do have time now. The part that sucks though is that he will leave LU and start his real career about the time we are thinking about starting a family now which I think will make things harder at that time. Does Steve like flying regional as much as corporate since he has done both? Just curious. How has that changed life for you guys? Was he home more flying corporate?

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    1. Steve flew corporate for the first 3 months of our relationship (back in 1999). I was in college and had my own life outside of him, so I never got a sense of his schedule more than him working M-Th and having the other days off.

      He flew regional from 1999 to 2006. He actually flies mainline now. For us, regional was always a stepping stone, and once it was time his app got called on and he got hired. Hands down, mainline is better flying...better on his body...better on the checkbook (at this point after 6/7 years).

      Delete
  19. Love your blog and this entry Joanna! My husband just started on a new track for his flying career and joined a regional 6 months ago. I sort of feel like we are crazy for doing this this late in life (we are in our late 30's) but we are in a great position financially and our kids are no longer babies - so we thought, why not? I love all you have to say above. So far, I find it all true! I think we are making it work because I've always been very independent, I have my own career and I think the time apart is great for our relationship. Thanks for recognizing that! I think some people think I'm weird when I say that the time apart makes our time together that much sweeter. I love that when he comes home he is totally focused on the kids and - no work calls etc (except every once in a while from crew scheduling) It IS hard, as you say above, to be a single parent and I have some not-so-great Mommy moments (but I had those before as well!) Goodbye's are hard too - we dropped my husband off at the airport this afternoon for his trip and my 4 year old said, "when do we pick Daddy up?" then cried all the way home. He is now over it and will FaceTime with him later. I couldn't agree with you more that the best part is to see the kids reaction when he sees them/ picks them up from school after a trip and they haven't seen him in 6 days. You are right - the best heartwarming moments!! It's crazy, but so far so good and I just wanted to say thanks for keeping it honest and real! Pilot wives need to stick together - nobody else understands this lifestyle. I look forward to following your blog! ~ Nancy

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    1. Hi Nancy - thanks for finding me and following along. I have to say, the biggest compliment I receive with this blog is when people tell me that I am keeping it honest and real. I don't know why, but I love that most of off. Thanks for recognizing that!

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  20. I'm engaged to a very handsome and lovely pilot. We've been together a year and a half and he works away month on month off. Thank you for this blog as I found it encouraging and supportive. We've definitely had our moments of finding it oh so tough. We are head over heels in love with each other. Its certainly interesting that you say you need more than love and I would agree. It requires a lot of support and stick ability. Trust is a big one too. What are the best tips you would give for making it work?

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    1. Congratulations on your engagement!

      Thanks for finding my blog, and for your kind words.

      Biggest tips for making it work: trust and communication got hand and in for my #1 tip. You also have to be supportive and understanding. Supportive in his career and not get pissy because he missed Christmas, as an example. Understanding in his needs like needing space to readjust when home again, as an example.

      Best wishes!

      Delete
  21. Thank you for this... my fiance and I have been talking about this lately... he was going to school for ATC before and is now planning to go back to pursue being a pilot.. and when he said how much they are gone. I almost died and it got ugly between us for a few days because That doesn't really fall into my typical happy marriage.

    I am choosing to support him ..I am the one who encouraged him to pursue his passion... but I was unaware of how much they are gone until I researched...

    Your blog gave me a more positive feel about it. We have one child now and I'm not sure if we will bring another one into the world but I know what to expect in the life of a Pilots wife more now.

    You didn't make it seem very negative it was more of a well this is how it is and make the best of it.

    Thank you! I definitely needed to read this.

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    1. Good luck to your fiance in pursuing his dreams!

      You CAN have a happy marriage married to a pilot. No, it isn't a traditional marriage, but it can still be very happy.

      As for having a second child, in my experience having #2 was not that much more work. My biggest adjustment was going from 0 to #1. That was HARD. #2 seemed like a piece of cake.

      I am glad I sped some positive light on being with a pilot. As I stated, you really can be happy being with a pilot. The other thing, you grow into an incredibly independent woman being with a pilot...and that is a great thing...and a great example to set for your children!

      Best wishes!

      Delete
  22. I think I have gone through all your posts in 2 nights! Your blog gives me life...

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    1. I am glad I can help! We have all been there, and it is good to support one another :)

      I hope things are better for you!

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  23. This blog. Is literally. A bunch of women complaining. Get over yourselves

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    1. If you read through my blog you will see it is, actually, a lot of women going through very similar life issues, all the while supporting one another.

      I do appreciate all comments on my blog, however I think it is very rude to be shortsighted on this lifestyle and to call me out on it. Try living the life of a single mother for just one day, and chances are you very well may crack.

      PS- proofreading...try it sometime!

      Delete
    2. Yesssss!
      Well said, Joanna!!! 😂

      Delete
  24. Well boo-hoo. Pilots are the shit so stop makin ya husband feel guilty about bein one.

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    1. Believe me, I do not make my husband feel guilty about being a pilot. He was the second I met him, so I knew what I was getting into.

      Delete
  25. I've been dating my boyfriend (a pilot) for about 1.5 years. Until a few weeks ago, we were doing a long distance relationship - taking turns on the 2 hour flight to see one another. Gosh, we wouldn't have made it without non-revving! A few months back, we decided we were ready to move in with one another. He was settled in the city of his choice, holding a pretty good schedule at a major airline. We have talked about marriage & starting a family (I'm in my late 20s, ready to settle down & he's a few years older than me). I have lost passion in my career (which also doesn't pay nearly as well what he's bringing in), so we decided that it would be ME who would move to HIM (this was a mutual decision). So, after months of thought & discussion, I resigned from my position, moved in with my parents temporarily (in a different part of the country) to get my finances in order and begin looking for jobs in the city he lived in. Just three weeks after I did this, he learned that he would be transferring bases to a new city because of a bid he put in on a bigger airplane. I was unaware of this bid he placed, just a few weeks before that. 1/2 of me was shocked and disappointed that he had put this bid in at a time where he knew I was working hard to bring out lives together. He is a VERY honest man, he does not drink at all (never has even tried it), and I trust him with all of my being. He receives the same great treatment and respect back from me. The problem I'm coping with now: we've FINALLY moved in together in the new city after he went through training for his new airplane. I'm fortunate we have this time together to "test" what marriage would be like; however, I am still unemployed and he is unsure whether he's going to like living in this city, doing international flights. To be honest, I'm finding it very hard to remain optimistic about our future together. I do not have any friends here and I'm having trouble finding a job. I am usually very independent, but given this situation, I'm a bit more reliant on him for comfort. Sometimes I consider what our future would look like with a family and I feel lost and lonely. I love him, but, as you say, I also realize that love isn't enough to make it work. I want to look out for both MY best interest, as well as his in trying to decide whether to keep fighting forward in our relationship, believing that things will iron out and more stability will come - or deciding to part ways with the understanding that his job (which will probably always be his first love) just put too much between us to be able to make it work. Any advice on this situation is appreciated. Thank you for sharing your honesty and transparency. For every negative comment you receive about your blog, know that there are at least 5 people you are helping in a positive way.

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    1. Sorry for the delayed response...this summer has just been incredibly busy.

      Talk about baptism by fire into this world of aviation. In a short 1 1/2 years, you sure have gone through a lot.

      One thing that caught me is you saying you are independent....this is great! I actually think you have to be independent to be a pilot wife. So, you have what it takes.

      Make sure you take care of yourself...make a point to integrate into your community. It is hard to make friends, but the effort will reward you, for sure. Could you volunteer? Could you work at a fun job (bridal salon, book store, ect) until you find a job in your career? Don't get lost because you are in a new town, make it your home.

      There are so many rough spots in this aviation lifestyle, but know that after each rough spot you will be stronger because of it. Promise.

      On the positive, you are in your new town before kids, so seemingly there won't be a need to change bases. He is already at a mainline, so he is getting first year crap pay and reserve out of the way before kids come. You are dealing with all the crapping things now, all the while setting your base for your life together with him. This is a great time (coming from us who thought of relocating to a new hub, with a 5 and 7 year old...the thought of moving them sickens me.)

      I hope this helps! I am happy to talk more about this, if you would like.

      Delete
    2. Thank you for your reassuring words and sound advice. Great minds think alike - I just got 2 (fun) part-time jobs and a volunteer position. While also helping me feel more "at home", I think these will also help me generate new direction for my career. My boyfriend and I have discussed relocating back to his previous hub as early as next year because we both fell in love with that city and would really like to settle there and build our family there. (Cheaper cost of living, near most of our friends, etc.) With that in the back of my mind, I think it's making it difficult for me to really ground myself here in our current city, knowing we will likely be here for only a short period of time. But I am trying to keep a positive attitude through all this - because, at the end of the day, we really just want to see each other smile. That's what it's all about :) I have spent most of my life planning, planning, planning, and one of the biggest things I've had to get used to in dating my pilot was letting go of certainty and embracing the 'unknowns' in life. This experience has been a true test of our strength as a couple, but also says alot about what we're capable of handling together. It's comforting to know that it potentially gets a whole lot easier from here on out! I dream of not living among cardboard moving boxes and change-of-address forms!

      Delete
  26. I am very sad tonight. Our son who's in a military service announced to my husband that he is pursuing a pilot career. It seems very natural choice for him, he's been flying since he was old enough to walk. My pilot husband is so proud and happy, he's basically bouncing off the walls. I am quietly disappointed. While I naturally support my son in his decisions, I was hoping for a different outcome. As a pilot's wife for so many, many years, I see a different side of the coin. I don't want to sound like Debbie Downer but what kind of life will he have? I voiced my concerns to my husband and got snapped at for being so negative " our marriage is great and his will be too". Yes, it may be but these young girls these days don't know and don't care to make sacrifice like that. I am thinking in long terms: will he find a girl who will stand by him in that kind of marriage? Will he like that kind of life style ( away from wife and kids). In the end, it's a sad existence for those pilots who due to age
    can't fly and lost their families along the way. My son's high school sweetheart dumped him because she did not want to spend most of her time alone. It all sounds great and glamorous when you young but when you get older and want to have a family, pilot's life style sucks and only the strongest of women survive.As for my husband "our wonderful marriage" is wonderful because I choose to have it this way. He is so happy coming home from his flying to a clean home, great wife and happy kids. Life is good. I'm not complaining about our marriage but realistically, it takes so much effort and work on the stay at home spouse. I am so proud of my son serving and for having a plan for the future. I just wish my husband would talked to him about the "other side of the coin" or once I cool off I will. He should know.

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    1. Thank you for writing in and sharing your thoughts.

      Yes, I do believe that your wonderful marriage is because of you. It is the pilot wife that really sets the stage at home, I fully believe.

      Since your son grew up in an airline household, he knows first hand what an airline pilots life is like...and he knows what kind of woman makes a happy home. Perhaps a formal conversation hasn't taken place of the "other side of the coin", but actions always speak louder than words. He grew up with this lifestyle, the good and the bad, so I am sure he knows what he is getting into.

      On the flip side, you know that aviation is in these guys blood...if he doesn't fulfill this passion, he will spend his entire life dreaming of flying. If he flies, his home life may be interrupted if he doesn't find the right gal...but, if he never fulfills his passion, he will always dream of it and miss it.

      Keep me updated! I would love to hear how you settle with his decision.


      Delete
  27. I can relate to all the women who are "complaining". Thank you for providing me with the support -- just reading about this makes me feel better about relating. I agree -- the life of the pilot wife is not a good one. Had I known about this before getting married and having children, I definitely would have run for the hills. It is not fun at all, especially with young kids. I certainly hope my son doesn't decide to take on this profession...and I feel for the mother who just found out her son is pursuing this career. Marriage is hard enough without the challenges of i) not having your husband at home; ii) being a single parent to the kids (yes, you really will be!!!); iii) dealing with the potential cheating lifestyle he may be living on the road (sure, you have to trust, but who knows what he is doing...and quite frankly, even though I trust my husband, I will never, ever doubt that he could end up cheating on me...that's just life).

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    1. We are here for support! How old are your little ones? Mine are now 5 and 7, and I promise that it gets easier as they get older..I promise!

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  28. I have been dating my pilot boyfriend for 4 years now. I have been reading other blogs where pilots cheat and it really put me down :( I read your blog recently and got lots of hopes....but i am still confused about this pilot thing. I dont want him to leave me one day for another women :(
    Joyana

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    1. Of course if you read negative words it will put you down. I am glad I give you hope.

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  29. I ve just started a relationship with a pilot. We are both in our 40s..have kids from previous relationships...and its also a long distance relationship so far...
    Your comments about them lying made me scared.
    Hes always saying:he hates the stewardesses...maybe its not true at all...

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    1. What was my comment about lying? I don't recall.

      Delete
  30. Well I am a pilot's girlfriend now, for a month tho, reading your blog here do teach me something and yeah it makes me getting ready for it. serious or not, he dare to meet my parents and talk about our marriage soon. SZNO said was true, my pilot also state the same thing. He doesnt like stewardess. I asked why , but he never mention it. Maybe because of the lifestyle or etc. social i guess? I dunnooo... well may ur relationship with Steve goes well.. and pray for me too ^^ tq

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    1. Best wishes with your relationship with your pilot!

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  31. I'm in a serious relationship with a pilot right now, we're not engaged or anything yet, but I believe that we are on that track. My family expressed similar concerns about everything you've said in your blog and I'm frankly kind of terrified. Do you think it's this way with commercial airline pilots? Or for freight pilots? His goal is to be a freight pilot. I feel like I'm probably rambling. We're a long way away from marriage but I want to be prepared.

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    1. Steve is an airline pilot - domestic.

      I am not sure the schedule of freight guys...I think they have longer periods away from home. Steve's schedule gives him 3-day or 4-day trips.

      I think it is wise to know what to expect when being with a pilot....and that is exactly why I blog. Pilots and this lifestyle is different, for sure! So, it is nice to have one another for support.

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  32. I think being married to a pilot is extremely difficult. There are so many things that are missed, for example Christmas morning with our son (unwrapping presents via Face time is not that appealing when the internet keeps cutting out), or any holiday for that matter, being able to be a part of outings and friendships. So many times we cannot go to the neighborhood get together (or I am the one there alone) because the husband is away at work, or he cant make the school function because of course he is away at work. Basically between the commute and the scheduled days off he is in the house at the most 2 days a week. For me, the so called "perks" of free flights are not that great when you have no one to travel with because your spouse is working and cannot get time off in any increments that would make a meaningful trip. Or the flights are booked and you cannot make a flight, or you have your own full time job that is needed to keep the family afloat that doesn't allow you to take off on a whim of a Tuesday and come home the following Thursday because those are the only days there is ever "open seats" on the perks. I know this may seem like a negative post...and I guess it is. I know if I had to do it all over again I never would have married a pilot. Even now on most days I don't want to be in a marriage like this....but we try to survive...and so far its worked....but who knows if it will continue. Its hard on the family, the children and also the spouse. Really think about it before entering into a life like this.

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  33. For those women reading all of the negative comments.... just remember...those of us that are happy with our lives, and loving being an airline wife....we are all out busy loving life!!! I just happened upon this blog & am sad that so many women are unhappy with their lives that they only see the negative.
    I met my pilot husband 38 years ago. He was just graduating college & was a flight instructor with less that 200 hours of total time. I was still in school. I didn't know any other pilots, I was clueless. His dad was an airline pilot & so was his older brother. His mom seemed to be a content, self-confident woman. Their children were grown, college educated (paid in full with airline $$) young adults & they were all a very close family.
    Guess what... I hung in there. I spent times alone as he flew freight (explosives) flew charters, ("I am so sorry that I came home a day late, the clients decided to spend the night"), flew corporate (" I am sorry that I missed our date, they decided to eat dinner before we flew home") & then got on with a major airline (probationary year salary was $18,000 a year, half of his corporate wages). During all this, I worked my way though college waiting tables.
    We had gotten married along the way and I waited to get pregnant until his salary recovered. Guess what...it did. Slowly but surely. There where times that I wrote checks for diapers & formula a couple of days before paydays & prayed for a "float" before that check hit the bank (we had twins when the oldest was only 2). But things did improve.
    I am proud to say that after 34 years of marriage we still have a great life! We laugh about the lean times. It hasn't always been roses.
    We have gone through B-scale wages, union contract battles, September 11th terror & salary cutbacks, an airline bankruptcy & a merger.
    But, guess what? Our sons are self confident, college educated (paid in full with airline$$), young men who travel the world like pros. One is a pilot, flying float planes in Alaska (no, I don't know if he will ever go to the airlines, but that's ok, he is happy) the twins teach English in Japan. Despite the miles, we are an emotionally close family & travel to see each other when possible with work schedules. We all still love each other & better yet, like to spend time together!
    Life & plans are what YOU make make it/them!!!
    Focus on the days home & find ways to have a good time when they are gone!
    We just got back from a trip to see one our sons' friends get married. Our son was a groomsman. We were treated as extended family of the groom... why?.... because the groom saw my husband & I as such a positive & important part of his life. That's right, the man that was flying a full schedule every month. The man that was probably home as much or sometimes more than the parents in the neighborhood that had boring "normal" jobs.
    We just left that neighborhood last year BTW. We moved to my pilot's dream, we live in an airport community, he has a big hanger next to the house. I love it. He just left on a 4 day international trip. I have time to do whatever that I want, see my friends, work on my projects, walk my dog, travel. In this stage of life, I can say that I have traveled places & seen countries that I never would have dreamed possible.
    Life is what you make it. Dream big. Don't restrict yourself to a boring ordinary life. If you are lucky enough to find a man that you love, someone whom you trust & consider to be your best friend, marry him. And if he is a pilot.... grab him quick before someone else does!!


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  34. After being in relationship with him for 3 years, he broke up with me, I did everything possible to bring him back but all was in vain, I wanted him back so much because of the love I have for him, I begged him with everything, I made promises but he refused. I explained my problem to someone online and she suggested that I should rather contact a spell caster that could help me cast a spell to bring him back but I am the type that never believed in spell, I had no choice than to try it, I mailed the spell caster, and he told me there was no problem that everything will be okay before three days, that my ex will return to me before three days, he cast the spell and surprisingly in the second day, it was around 4pm. My ex called me, I was so surprised, I answered the call and all he said was that he was so sorry for everything that happened, that he wanted me to return to him, that he loves me so much. I was so happy and went to him, that was how we started living together happily again. Since then, I have made promise that anybody I know that have a relationship problem, I would be of help to such person by referring him or her to the only real and powerful spell caster who helped me with my own problem and who is different from all the other ones out there. Anybody could need the help of the spell caster, lotto, his email is DRAISEDIONSPELLCASTER@OUTLOOK.COM you can email him if you need his assistance in your relationship or any other problem like wining lottery.

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  35. Have a pilot of my own. Neither of us are spring chickens. I have a rather poor history of choices in men, and I can tell everyone that you don't have to be a pilot to be a lying, cheating scumbag. Two sorry ex husbands, and years as a single mom. I made my own choices, so no victim here. I'm independent to a fault. But my pilot is one of the best men I've known who works his tail off to be a good provider. So don't pre-judge, keep the stars somewhat out of your eyes and see the world and your pilot as they are...good and bad. I wouldn't change a thing!

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  36. Hello Joanna,

    Unlike most of your readers, I'm not the wife but I'm the husband pilot reading and writing on your blog...
    After 14 years in the military (as pilot), I moved into civilian airline pilot a few years ago. That new job was good! Pay wasn't the best but I was home a lot (18-20 days a month) and could support my wife a lot when our son was born a bit more than two years ago. Unfortunately, this lifestyle was too good to be true! The company shut down in May last year and I had to find a new job.
    After eight months of unemployment, with my experience, the only job I could find is overseas in Japan. (We're living in Europe by the way). It's been now almost 7 months I've been away from home to complete my training here. One more month to go before I can eventually come home and enter the normal work pattern! During those 6 months, I've only been home for two weeks :-(
    Being away from home for so long is very hard for all of us! (Maybe a bit les for my baby who doesn't really realizes nor understands that I'm away. Although he's asking more and more his dad lately).
    My wife is exhausted and makes everything to make me understand that she's not happy! She has to deal with our charming little boy, her full time job and everything else at home. She's now speaking about separation and divorce:-( She says she doesn't know if she can live with someone that's gone more than half of the time...
    Once my training finished, my roster will be 16 days at work, 14 days at home. And I can pretty much chose when and how (in a block or splitted) to take those 14 days. Also, this new job pays very well and money will not be an issue (even if she decides to stop working).
    I'm really strugling here in my hotel between the fighting and arguing with my wife, the tons of books I need to study, the never ending tests and exams I have to go through and missing my little boy. So it is also very hard for us (pilots)!
    Unfortunately I don't have any other job opportunities nor possibilities closer to home. And the other flying jobs that are in Europe (closer to home) will not get me more time home, on the contrary, I would be gone even more (with a way smaller pay check at the end of the month!).
    I'm really between hard and stone here. The pilot life and the family life. I miss them so much!
    Reading your blog and all those wive's comments is a bit reassuring in a way. Knowing that it is possible to find some sort of equilibrium in between the job and the family...

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